If you're not knitting, the terrorists win

Not Knitting - Pearl-ing

2012-01-25T18:00:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I just crack myself up.

Anyway, I had some of these pearls left over from another project. They are kind of apricot-tinted pearls, so they didn't match any of the smaller pearls that I might have put with them. And they didn't really go with any of the black beads I have. I thought about putting them with these giant tiger eye (kind of) glass beads, but I didn't like the look of that either. I really wanted to do something with them, but I didn't have a lot of them, to begin with.

So I decided to try something new. I made a little pearl chain. Of course, that wasn't nearly even long enough to be a bracelet. So I added some length on the ends with some champagne colored seed beeds.

That worked out really well, since the seed beads add a lot of interest if they're visible, but they are also easily hidden by my hair.

These are the same pearls, by the way, that I made the pearl earrings out of at the beginning of the month.

MASH

2012-01-24T18:00:00.002-05:00

'Member this game?

Apparently, I live in an apartment with William Shakespeare (his ghost?) because I am pregnant with his 1 child. We had a Mordor-themed wedding, which was attended by William Shatner. We served BBQ Chicken to our guests and our favorite wedding gift was a 1980 Encyclopedia Brittanica.

And then we went on our honeymoon--a day trip to Amish Country.

Super Bowl Traffic Sucks

2012-01-23T18:00:00.001-05:00

Indianapolis has been preparing for the Super Bowl for a couple of years now, so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. But really. It's 2 weeks away and the traffic this morning was like this.

Don't worry about my safety in taking a picture on the road. See all those brake lights? Yeah. We were stopped for quite a while. What you can't see in this picture is the long line of RVs, busses, and semi-trailers that were blocking the whole section of West Street by Lucas Oil Stadium.

I've got to find a different way to go tomorrow.

I didn't take this picture to show you the traffic though. (Well, not only to show you the traffic.) I wanted you to see this picture thing they are putting on the side of the Marriott. Look in the background. It's not quite finished, but as you can see, it's beautiful!

I want the Marriott to advertise everything on its side, just like in Blade Runner. Seriously... Can you imagine what they could do with GenCon?

Afghan Square - Celtic Braid

2012-01-22T13:00:00.002-05:00

This is an afghan square I made a few years back. I had this idea that I would make a 12 inch square in whatever half skein of yarn I had left over and then stitch them all together when I got a bunch of them. I'd recently finished a couple such an afghans, one in various shades of blue and one in various aran stitches, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But, you know how that goes. After a couple of squares, you get interested in something else. And then you put these squares away and don't even think about them until one day, you're looking for some leftover Christmas Sparkle yarn in a drawer and--hey, what's this?

I believe all the squares I did this time around were from Sarah Bradbury's website. I'm gonna have to dig all those out and see how many I have. Stay tuned.

I Felt Like It - Green Cabled Sweater Version

2012-01-21T15:00:00.002-05:00

I bought this sweater a while back at Goodwill. It was only a dollar and it's 100% wool. Nice green color, too. I'd thought to frog it out and knit with the yarn. But I just really liked the cables on the front.

So I threw it in the washer on hot to felt it up. (Not feel it up. That's something else.)

First, let me say that if you ever try felting, get yourself a good lingerie bag to do it in. Not the piece of crap bag I had. That bag came open midway through the wash and left about half a sweater's worth of fuzz on the inside of my washer.

Anyway, this felted perfectly. You can see the stitches still, and the cables are beautiful. But this sweater is about half the size it was before the wash. (Except in the arms, which are still the same length, but half as wide...WTF?)

Gonna let this dry. And pick off all the random fuzz. And then it will be time to practice my sewing skills. I'm thinking... purse, mittens, and ...?

Friday UFO - Just Started

2012-01-20T18:00:00.002-05:00

Whoo-hoo! Gettin' started with the Christmas Knitting early! This is the first of the afghans. And, sly minx that I am, I'm not going to tell you who it's for or what pattern it is!

I will tell you that this is a pattern I've admired for a while now. And just before Christmas, its intended recipient pointed it out and said "I want that!" So, it is a sort of knitting synchronicity.

I will also only be able to work on this when that person is not around, so I will be working on multiple projects at the same time. Hm. I will also have to find a way to track my progress secretly so as not to spoil the surprise.

Whatever. I'm just excited to be started on a Christmas project in January! I deserve some sort of prize for that.

Maybe some new yarn?

Frederick's Of Hollywood

2012-01-19T18:00:00.003-05:00

I'm always amazed by the postal mail. Not that I get much postal mail any more. But I enjoy the occasional sales flier or catalog. I don't enjoy all those horrible political ads. (For one thing, 99.9% of the time they're from the other party. And, 100% of the time they're saying things I find horribly offensive.)

Sometimes the mail will bring surprises. Like the invitation to tour a cryogenics facility (and, of course, purchase my own... uh?... plot?) or the sample of Rachel Ray dog food (I didn't know there even was such a thing, but that stuff is yummo!) or today, when I got a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog.

Frederick's of Hollywood? Me? Really? Isn't that like buying skim milk for Paula Deen's kitchen? Ha!

Anyway, it was a surprise because I didn't sign up for the catalog. I didn't even know Frederick's was still around. I honestly had not even seen a magazine ad for them since the late 80's. Not that I read many paper magazines any more.

Yes, I took a look at it. But my thought process ran more along the lines of "Yeowch. That looks uncomfortable." and "Well, that would never cover my belly flab." and "Sweet God! I certainly don't want to call attention to that part of my body!"

Not Knitting - Scrabble Tile Jewelry

2012-01-18T18:00:00.004-05:00

Lookit! I've been wanting to try Scrabble tile jewelry for a while now. Okay, I did try it once before, but the results of my previous effort were not so great. Never let it be said, however, that I can't learn anything.

I learned:

1) Printing the graphics on photo paper was probably not the best way to do it. Photo paper was too thick, did not trim very well with the tools I had, and ended up shrinking, even after it was sealed.

2) Seal the pictures completely. They will bleed if you don't. They will sometimes bleed as you are trying to seal them. It's tricky. I may not do anything red ever again, just because red tends to bleed. (Not ironically.)

3)Patience is key. Everything has to dry before you move on. Everything has to dry before you move on. (I said it twice, because there were a couple of occasions when I jumped the gun.)

So, here is my new experiment:

Drinking Cat for me. Achilles for M. Sunflower for Sharon.

Outside of the 3 things listed above, it's a very easy process: Scrabble tile + small printed image + Mod Podge + Dimensional Magic = Brilliant!

Spirally Goodness

2012-01-17T17:48:00.002-05:00

Last week I showed you what ~~too many~~ 2880 stitches on a circular needle look like. And, while I would love to save this for Friday's FO, I want to show you what those stitches look like off the needle.

Here's my Spiral Scarf. Or ruffle scarf. Or potato chip scarf. Or whatever you've heard them called. Seems like every knitter in the world has knit something like this scarf. Now I have one too.

I'm not sure what happened to Lola's left arm, btw. I didn't even notice it was missing until after I took the picture. I must have dropped it when I moved her to the dining room for this pic. Sorry, Lola.

This is done in Patons Glittallic in Black Tinsel. I used about 2 1/2 skeins of it. It's a furry novelty yarn, with a strand of silver ribbon and some bits of black glittery ribbon running through it. So it's fun.

My stance on novelty yarn like this is, either use it as an accent only--a bit of fun at the edge of a scarf or a purse--or go big all the way. I mean, seriously. This scarf is ruffly and spirally. You really do need to use a novelty yarn.

I am keeping this one.

Swaptacular

2012-01-16T18:15:00.002-05:00

I've never done a swap. I don't know why. They seem like fun. I've just never done one. But I've committed to doing a Christmas ornament swap with the Christmas Knitting group on Ravelry!

Yay!

The first step to any project, as you know, is to talk about it. Talk, and delay the start of any actual knitting. So much talking gives you the time to think about what you might knit, once you stop talking and start actually knitting.

My goal is to do maybe one ornament a month. I think I can commit to that. Ornaments are small and relatively quick to do, right? That sounds good for me. I'm having some project ADHD right now, which may or may not be caused by my decision to make 2012 The Year Of The Afghan.

Sigh. Speaking of... I probably should get on that. Or a January ornament. Stay tuned.

A Letter From AW

2012-01-15T20:37:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Patwoman,

As January breathes its cold winter breath across the Northern Hemisphere, I cannot help but remember an earlier, colder winter and long for the smoldering heat of your eyes.

That's right, my love. I have not forgotten Helsinki. And how could I? Your glistening skin as you lithely dodged the laser motion sensors, your shapely calves as you skillfully vaulted the rooftops, and your electrifying smile as you so nearly escaped my capture.

Oh yes. I never shared that with you, my crafty minx. You nearly evaded me. But, luckily for both of us, you didn't see that smelt-on-a-stick vendor until it was too late. To this day, I can't eat any sort of fishsicle without becoming incredibly aroused.

Oh, Patwoman! Such adventures we had. And could have again. Just say that you will, my darling.

Until then, I am forever your...

AW

***

My Dear Adam,

I had nearly forgotten the smelt-on-a-stick vendor! And his silly hat with all the bells! I can see his expression--at once fearful and excited--as we slid, head to toe, beneath his cart.

And all of that yelling! It was years before I realized he wasn't actually cheering!

But alas! Ours is a fire that burns too hot, Adam. A fire that cooks fish and melts ice in the winter and makes passers-by cover the eyes of their small children, even as they, themselves, are staring and calling out things like "Hey, how did you get your tights off so quickly?" and "For God's sake, you animals! Not on the fish!"

That kind of fire, my love, can't last forever. But it can feed our memories, dear. Feed us like those fish...

Mmm... fish.

Adam, call me.

Patwoman

Thrifty Is The New Black

2012-01-14T22:00:00.005-05:00

I hadn't been to Goodwill in a while, so I wanted to go raid the racks for 100% wool sweaters. Sadly, there wasn't a lot to choose from. Maybe because I got there late in the day.

But I did get this sweater. It was not half off, like the sweaters with the yellow barbs on them were. But it was still cheap, especially when you consider how much yarn is here. And what a gorgeous color this is.
I estimate this to be a heavy worsted, not quite bulky, yarn.

UFO Friday - All Of Them

2012-01-13T18:00:00.003-05:00

This is going to be the Year of Finished Objects, I promise you. No more UFOs sitting around the house until I forget what the heck they were supposed to be, or until the person it was made for outgrows it before it's done.

Yeah. There are still a couple of those around here. And I'm gonna either finish them or frog them. But they're not going to just sit around.

I can tell you right now I have at least 3 projects that I don't even want to tell you what they are supposed to be, because I'm too embarassed by the way they don't look anything like that.

And I have at least 2 things that have been outgrown before they were finished. And at least 2 things that I really want to finish.

Argh. So really, this is going to be the Year Of The Frog.

Is This Wrong?

2012-01-12T18:00:00.001-05:00

Last night I dreamed I went to the hospital to visit a sick friend or relative. They were very, very sick. Like, coma sick. So basically I was just sitting there next to the bed.

But then, I decided to go to the lounge and get some sleep for a few hours. So, I'm laying on the cot in the lounge and two people come in and start making out right next to me.

I'm like, Um... Should I leave? It was extremely awkward.

So then I woke up, feeling as if my own privacy had been invaded. What the heck does that mean?

First of all, no one I know is sick. Secondly, I have been sleeping maybe 5 out of every 48 hours (and not all at once). So is it normal to dream of sleeping? But thirdly--and maybe this is the key point--who dreams about other people making out? I mean, that can't be normal!

Not Knitting - MTG Keychains

2012-01-11T18:00:00.002-05:00

I love Mod Podge Dimensional Magic. It's so much fun. It's easy to do, but I think I'm even getting better at it with practice.

Here are some Magic: The Gathering-themed keychains I made to give to the speakers who will be presenting at our Midwest Judge Conference this coming weekend:I made all the Planeswalkers, and I think they all came out really nicely done. I even made myself a Lilliana to wear as a pendant.

What's Patwoman Up To Now?

2012-01-10T18:00:00.001-05:00

Now that the ~~sweatshop season~~ Christmas knitting is over, I'm feeling a little itchy to do some smallish things. Especially since everyone has already mentioned that they would like 2012 to be The Year Of The Afghan.

So I thought... why don't I do one of those spirally ruffly scarves? I see those everywhere. Like, every muthuhknittah has cranked out one of those, you know? So, seriously... How hard could it be?

Yeah.

Let's think this through. You know what makes that great spirally ruffle? Increasing the stitches every other row. Yeah. So, you may start out with 180 stitches. But by Row 8, you've got 2880 stitches on your needle and it looks like this:

Marvelous Ms. Foxy!

2012-01-09T13:13:00.002-05:00

This is M in her Marvelous Ms. Fox hat. I knitted this for Christmas. It's really the Fantastic Mr. Fox pattern by Faye. But the Marvelous Ms. M deserves a marvelous hat, am I right?

I followed the pattern as written. (I know, right? You're thinking "Who are you and what have you done with Patwoman?") But I did sub out the yarn. I couldn't find LB Homespun in Saffron anywhere. I guess I could have ordered it, but I wanted to get started on this right away. I briefly considered LB Homespun in Wildfire, but that also had a green thread in it. (And nobody wants a zombie fox.) So I subbed LB Thick & Quick in Spice.

Good sub, too. T&Q gave the right gauge. It also gave the hat a smoother look than the Homespun, but that's okay. I rather liked it.

I also subbed LB Homespun Deco for the inner ear, since I had some of that leftover from a previous project. Oh, and I subbed LB Wool-Ease for the dark brown bits and the tassels.

So, yeah. Well, I guess I didn't do this one quite as written at all.

Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
Ash: Yeah, basically.
Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?
Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

It's a fun hat. A fun knit. Really, the only fiddly bit is getting the ears on straight.

Magic Is Just An Illusion

2012-01-08T12:00:00.006-05:00

More Christmas Knitting. This is T's Magic Scarf. It depicts the 5 mana symbols from Magic the Gathering along the length of the scarf. But... and here's the really magical part... it's an illusion!

Illusion knitting is so super clever. Basically, the pattern is done on a contrasting color, like always. But some stitches are raised and some are flat. In between your contrasting color rows, you have main color garter ridges. So when you are looking at the scarf straight on, you see a garter ridged striped scarf.

But when you look at it from the side... wow! Hidden pictures! I am like a little kid when I look at it, tilting it back and forth, back and forth. Here's the picture, now it's gone. Now it's back. Now it's gone.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get the pattern to go away when I took the picture. I tried flash, no flash, overhead light, indirect light, natural light, and every angle possible, but the camera just kept picking up the hidden picture. I guess it's true what they say: the camera doesn't lie. I promise you, the illusion is there.

This was the one Christmas gift that was really hard for me to keep secret. I really wanted to talk about this every step of the way--first, because I really spent a lot of time creating the graphs for this; then, I started it and frogged a couple of times to get it right; and then, when I finished I was so excited!

As you know, T and I own Gamerz, Indiapolis' largest game store, so this is a particularly fitting scarf. T had a lot of fun showing this off to everyone. It garnered a lot of awe, a lot of ah, and several "name your price" offers.

I'm very pleased with it.

Continuous Learning: Christmas Knitting

2012-01-07T22:12:00.011-05:00

I used to think that, when the zombiepocalypse happens, I will make sure I stick with R. He has been preparing that particular crisis for years--food and water, shelter, tools, books. The man is an expert in zombie preparedness.

Then, I ~~played~~ attempted to play Left For Dead with him. What was that like? Well, let's put it this way... It's not mistitled when you're playing with R. If you're lucky, he will just leave you to fend for yourself against a horde of zombies. He has been known to shoot teammates in order to use them as a zombie shield.

Anyway, I knew R's Christmas scarf would have to be zombie-themed. And I really wanted it to be special, so I double knitted it.

This is a relatively new technique for me. I've done it before, but not on such a scale. And not with such a complex chart. So it really was a skill-sharpening project.

Basically, when you double knit, you are knitting both sides of the fabric at once by alternating colors and knit/purl stitches. Sounds easy, right?

Well, not really easy... It's not necessarily hard to do, either, but it's definitely something you have to pay attention to. Still, I did get faster at it as I went.

Really, the most difficult part of the process is finding a way to hold the yarn. It may be easier to do if you can knit continental style. Actually, I'm pretty sure it would be easier. Too bad I can't continental.

My zombies are lovingly graphed by T, and based on a couple of Googled zombie silhouettes. Made from Caron Simply Soft in Forest and Black.

Black zombies on green.

Green zombies on black.

Grr. Argh.

Friday UFO: Tasseled Hood

2012-01-06T18:00:00.002-05:00

Indiana winters are usually really cold, at least part of the time. And there's usually a good deal of snow. I say usually, because it's been unusually warm this winter. Today was 60 degrees. In freaking January.

WTF?

If this were a normal January, this hood would be extremely useful. Keep your neck warm. Keep you ears warm. Cover your head so it doesn't get wet from snow (or so that you won't lose 90% of your body heat, like your mom always says you will)without flattening your hair and giving you hat head.

This is the Tasseled Hood from the Lion Brand website. Works up very quickly with 2 skeins Wool-Ease Thick & Quick and big needles. (I used size 11.)The color is Pumpkin, a nice...uh, pumpkiny...shade of orange that Meg picked out a while back and said "Make me something from this."

It's not quite finished yet. All the knitting is done, but the hood needs to be attached to the scarf portion. And, of course, it wouldn't be a tasseled hood without tassels, right?

Stay tuned.

Remember The Color Block Scarf?

2012-01-05T22:07:00.003-05:00

The one I started January 2010? Hey, don't bash me on it. It was supposed to be knit from leftover yarn. It took me a while to get that much leftover yarn.

No pattern. Just cast on some stitches on #8s. Knit in garter stitch. Changed yarn when I ran out or just felt like it. This went super fast and then I put it down for a long time... and kind of forgot about it.

Then, Sharon and I were talking about the 4th Doctor scarf and how it was made (the story about the woman who just took all the skeins of yarn and knitted until she ran out). And she said she really liked that scarf. So tonight, when I pulled this UFO out of the pile and started another color, she remarked on how much it kind of looked like a 4th Doctor scarf.

Not really. But she's not really a Whovian, so I let it slide. We'll get her watching the Doctor and then we'll correct her later.

Here it is, finished. This looked pretty good, as it was, all color blocked and all. But it needed a little something... But what? A fringe? Maybe.

A braided fringe? Achilles, that's genius!

Not Knitting: Earrings

2012-01-04T22:03:00.003-05:00

I came across this the other day, The Beading Daily Bead-A-Long Challenge. Basically, the goal is to make a pair of earrings a day, every day in January.

Now you know even your old friend Patwoman can't swear that much. So I won't be doing a pair every day. But I think this is kind of a cool challenge. So I'm going to try and do a pair of earrings each week, on my Not Knitting Wednesdays.

This is the pair I did tonight. Nothing fancy, just plain pearls on plain wires. I like them, though. And you can always use another pair of pearl earrings. They go with everything.

I like the idea of making earrings, though. They're pretty quick to do, and would be a great way to use some of the oddball beads that are left over from other projects.

I should do something like that with the knitting... some sort of oddball pattern. Hm.

Shopping Trip

2012-01-03T21:55:00.006-05:00

I'm a little disappointed in the after-Christmas sales this season. I mean, here it is, January, already. The sales should be much better. Those light-up candy canes should be 75% off, not 50% off. New York & Co. should have something in the store to exchange for the the blouse I got that doesn't fit. And JoAnn and Michael's should be putting some of that surplus yarn on sale instead of just letting sit in those cardboard box bins in the aisles.

Ah well. I don't actually have to buy yarn every time I leave the house, you know. Sometimes I can just look.

And look at this! It's Red Heart's Boutique Sashay . It's a mesh yarn, similar to a couple of others I've seen around. I'm going to try working with a yarn like that, soon. I find it a very interesting technique.
You know the technique, right? You stick your needle into the mesh at intervals, gathering the mesh and creating a ruffle every time you draw a loop up.

A little of this goes a long way, though. Like this bag with a bit of ruffle is pretty much perfect usage. But, I have to admit, I really like this completely ruffled scarf. (Both from the Red Heart website.)

You Can Love Your Robot, But Can You Love Your Robot?

2012-01-02T20:07:00.005-05:00

Ah Robots. You know I love 'em. (In the traditional, platonic sense of the word.) But, you know, I've got nothing against someone loving their robot.

As long as it's consensual.

I was reading this article a few days ago. Basically, the author proposes that robots will have an increasingly important place in the social lives of some people: people will fall in love with, and marry robots.

Okay. Let's not get into a political thing here. But some people in this country are not even allowed to marry other people, so... I don't think the human/robot thing is going to happen any time soon.

The author also predicts that robot infidelity will lead to divorces. And okay. I've got to agree with that. I think if one person is more involved with a robot than their human partner that could lead to divorce. The same way a person who is more involved with work than their partner would. Or, the same way being involved with another person would.

Let's just not blame the robots, okay? They're going to have a tough enough time of it, as it is. Did no one see AI? They're going to have to fight for their rights to do anything.

Except die/kill. Apparently there are actual KillBots employed by our military (and I'm sure others') to... uh, kill the enemy. The Talon SWORDS were actually pulled from use (without ever killing anyone, I want to make clear) because they were not functioning the way they were supposed to be functioning.

I don't know exactly what that means. I mean, they are KillBots, right? So if they were not functioning the way they were supposed to be functioning, what were they doing? Knitting?

No, no, RoboKnitter! It's K4, P2, C4B, P2, K4, not K4, P2, C4F, P2, K4! Jeez! Where did you learn to knit? Ah, crap! We're gonna have to pull you out of Iraq if you can't cable a scarf any better than that!

Resolutions, Reflections, and Ramblings For The New Year

2012-01-01T14:25:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year!

I thought it wold be cool to go back and look at my 2011 Resolutions and see how ~~long~~ well I lived up to those. Now, you know I don't normally even make resolutions. I think if you're gonna do something, just do it, you know. But I was pretty sure I'd actually resolved to do something and posted it on my blog.

But I was wrong. Way to go, Patwoman.

This year, I'm gonna make sure I have something to talk about on January 1, 2013.

Resolution
I don't make 'em. Ha! But I am committing to getting the Christmas Knitting started way sooner this year so I don't have to be knitting on Christmas Eve again. Like always.

Reflections
This year has seen some major changes. I became an empty nester. I lost my very good friends Zeus and Michelle. There were a number of health issues with T's parents. Our business has just gotten busier. And I got to meet my Adam West in person.

Ramblings

This year, I am looking forward to great leaps in robotics. I think we could see quite a few breakthroughs, especially in terms of cognitive progress and predictive behavior. At the very least, I think there will be at least two very useful applications to human health--enabling paralysis victims to walk, for instance.

I also think we will continue to see a return to old fashioned, thrifty lifestyles. Goodwill has become a great resource, especially for crafty people, and I think that trend will continue. People will also be more into activities like "stockpile" or "batch" cooking. And gardening--along with the various associated food preservation activities.

I'm excited to see what my compost bin can offer this spring, after filling it with coffee grounds, egg shells, potato peels, and grass clippings. It's silly, I know, but I am looking forward to spreading that crap in my garden (which was fallow this year) so I can grow my own tomatoes and peppers, which I will use to make my own salsa. Awesome!

I'm also planning several fun trips this year. And I've got several creative projects in the works, as well. In addition, R will be getting married in November. And M will begin filming a web series.

All in all, 2012 holds a lot of promise. I think it will be a good year. At least right up until the Mayan Apocalypse on December 21.

Oh, hey. Does that mean I don't need to stress the Christmas Knitting, after all?

More Christmas Knitting: The Coolest Scarf Ever

2011-12-29T13:32:00.003-05:00

It actually is called The Coolest Scarf Ever. But even if it weren't, I'd still think it was pretty cool. I love the fringed "fingers" that run the whole length of the scarf, on both sides.

This was Sharon's Christmas scarf. The Coolest Scarf Ever from Great Balls of Yarn. I used Jo-Ann Sensations Rainbow Boucle in Berry Print. I have to say, I really like the subtle gradiations of this yarn for this pattern. (Which, I guess you really can't see in either of these pictures, but it's there. Trust me.)

You know I'm not a fan of knitting with boucle yarns. And, by that, I mean I'd rather eat a plate of eyeballs. But this scarf really looked awesome with the boucle yarn. It gave it such an interesting texture.

The pattern itself is pretty easy. It's just a lot of casting on and binding off, with a lot of seed stitch in between. But, that's what makes this scarf take so long to knit--a lot of casting on and binding off, with a lot of seed stitch in between.

It was a fun scarf to knit, too. Fun to see the fringe accumulate as I knit. I think this is gonna be fun to wear, too.

Christmas Knitting Recapped

2011-12-28T12:24:00.005-05:00

...although, at times, it felt like I was being Christmas Knitting Kneecapped.

But I did finish gifts for everyone. Here is the scarf I made for Eric. It's an old school Mario scene. I had hoped to use some existing patterns for the scene, but unfortunately, none of the graphs I saw fit my guage/needs/idea. So I ended up creating this thing from scratch.

I'll put out a pattern for this pretty soon. Basically, I drew it all on graph paper with colored markers (I know. But it seemed fittingly old school.) So all of that has to be transfered to some sort of usable electronic document. Also, I decided, as I was knitting that, for instance,
I needed to leave more space between one thing and another or I needed to add some clouds or I wanted to reverse one of the charts and have something pointed in the opposite direction... At any rate, what I eventually ended up with was not the same as what I had planned. It was better, sure. But it also rendered my charts somewhat useless.

This is all worsted weight yarn. And it does have a solid black back. So it is very warm. I think you could actually do this in sport weight yarn. But it was pretty difficult enough to find just the right colors for this, as it was.

My guage was 5 st = 1", so not bad. It still took for-freaking-ever to knit, and longer to weave in all those ends.

But Eric was happy with it, and that is the main thing.

The Stockings Were Hung

2011-12-25T17:48:00.004-05:00

Merry Christmas to you! I wanted to show you Sharon's finished stocking. It came out really well. Red Heart Christmas yarn in Green. That stuff comes in the million yard skein, so I had already used some on some other stockings, and still had enough for this stocking. And I still have maybe 100 yards left.

I can't remember if I showed you the stockings I did for R & M. But thought I'd just take a photo while they were hanging by the chimney with care last night. Here are all the stockings, from left to right:My stocking, T's stocking, Eric's, Sharon's, R's, and M's. Those long ones are 3 feet long!

That's not my fireplace, btw. Fooled you. That's "The Yule Log" channel on the television. Finally had the opportunity to use that channel. (I discovered it in June.)

Christmas Knitting: First Blood!

2011-12-21T11:07:00.005-05:00

The first of the Christmas knitting has been given! Here is the scarf I knitted for Jill's Christmas present. It was actually the first Christmas gift completed this year, so it's serendipitous that it is the first given.

This is the Multidirectional Diagonal Scarf in Patons SWS Natural Navy. SWS is such a nice yarn for a pattern like this, because of the long color changes. And it's very soft. I've heard some people say they have a problem with it breaking, since it's not really tightly plied. But, as you know, I'm a pretty loose knitter so I'm not keeping those strands wire-taut. I never have problems with SWS.

I used two skeins of this, so about 220 yards, which made the scarf about five feet long. The pattern was easy enough to do during our weekly D&D game, but complex enough to keep me interested when I was just knitting. And it really looks good. I have some more SWS in other colorways. I might have to make one for myself.Once I finish with all this Christmas knitting.

Bad Medicine

2011-12-09T18:00:00.003-05:00

Or maybe I was born under a bad moon? I don't know. But I have had a shitacular last few days.

The highlights: I apparently don't know my own hulk-like strength and broke my curling iron.
Then I made it all the way to work without realizing I had a huge coffee(?) stain on my white shirt. Right in the middle of my boobs.

And I dented M's car.

Ok, well. That's the big one.

Yesterday involved frustration, disappointment, worry, and anger, culminating in physical violence against inanimate objects, property damage, five minutes of non-stop projectile swearing (not the longest I've ever gone, but probably a personal best as far as style goes), followed by an hour of hysterical crying and then five hours of ~~drunk~~ quiet contemplation.

What sucks even worse is that I ended up with an upset stomach at 3:00 am, cotton mouth and baggy eyes on a morning I had to work, the car is still dented, and half the Amaretto I made for Christmas gifting is gone.

What Is It?

2011-12-05T18:00:00.002-05:00

It's a pile of yarn snips. The excess of a project.

That's right. One project and all those ends. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "My, Patwoman! What a large swearing vocabulary you must have."

And you'd be correct, of course. But this project is finished now. And it looks super. You will be so impressed with your friend Patwoman.

But it is a Christmas gift, so, alas, I can't show you until after it's given.

Stay tuned.

The Zen Of Knitting

2011-12-04T18:00:00.005-05:00

Just kidding. There is no zen. Not in December, at least. December is marked by breakneck, sweatshop-style, on-a-deadline knitting.

It's Crazytown all up in here. For realz.

On an ~~related~~ unrelated note, I reopened the Booze Hag Brewery this weekend. A batch of Limoncello (and let me just say, zesting 10 lemons is not as easy as Rachel Ray would have you believe) and, of course, a batch of my fave Amaretto.

What's funny is that, as much as I will enjoy testing these liqueurs, I enjoyed making them more. And as much as I enjoyed making them, I enjoyed creating the label more.

Merry Christmas At Work

2011-11-29T18:00:00.002-05:00

Every year my building puts out a huge Christmas display that spans the entire front lobby--a full city block long. Now this building management company manages a lot of Indianapolis' buildings. They also manage the building my company's district office is in, and the building my last job was in. I was at that company for 6 years and this one for almost 6 and in all that time, I've not seen the same decorations twice. So they obviously have a lot of them.

And some of them are pretty ~~old~~ vintage, you can tell. If you look closely, you can see the varnish has tiny cracks and the colors have that faded look that old hand-colored photos have.

You might think that would make them nostalgicly appealling. I thought so, too. At first.But then, as I started to look at these things, I realized how strange they really are.

Like this:A scene from NBC's Dateline: To Catch a Predator. You can't see him in this pic, but Santa is standing at the window in his nightshirt. Looking out for Chris Hansen, I assume.

Or this: Tiny old men with do-rags and axes.

And seriously. What the hell is going on here?

No Black Friday For Me

2011-11-28T06:00:00.002-05:00

I worked retail enough to last me a lifetime. Plus, I'm always astounded by the logic--Thanksgiving dinner is over and suddenly you have to make a frenzied assault on the mall (on the worst day to be at the mall all year)to buy all your Christmas presents in one day? Dude, don't you still have a month?

Whatever. No force on Earth would persuade me to go to the mall on Black Friday, including a court order.

I did go to a place or two today with M and Eric. Picked up some 29 cent novelty yarn at Christmas Tree Shop.

Hey, come on. It was 29 cents.

Patwoman's Job Hunting Tips

2011-11-27T18:01:00.002-05:00

Oh, Dear Friends. I hope you are still not out of work. If you are, I hope you are reading these tips seriously. I know. This is sometimes a very funny monthly posting, but I have to think that some people don't know this stuff because I still have people show up for an interview with their baby, or tell me they will take my job offer "until something better comes along," or answer their cell phones during the interview.

Seriously. There is enough of this happening that I feel I have to keep advising on the matter.

This month, let's talk about your resume. I want you to think of your resume as an advertisement for you. It tells me all the reasons why I want to talk to you about a job. Now I'm going to tell you a recruiter secret here. This is completely honest, uncut and uncensored insider information here. Are you ready?

I will spend about 15 seconds looking at your resume on the first pass.

It's true. On the first pass, I'm looking for key words to stand out. For an administrative assistant, for instance, those words might be "Outlook calendaring," "Meeting logistics," "PowerPoint presentations," or "Web conferencing." Administrative duties vary from place to place, so just saying you performed administrative duties doesn't really tell me much of anything.

At some companies, that's "answer the phone and make coffee" at others, it's "run payroll," and at others, the Administrative Assistant may make some high level decisions in the place of his/her manager and be privy to the company's most confidential dealings.

So, list what you did on the job. And here's another tip: bullet points read easier than paragraphs, so bullet points are more likely to get read. There should be at least three bullets under each job. If you can't think of three things you did on your last job, you need to be thinking a little harder. It's one of the first things a recruiter will ask you about.

Check your spelling. I'm going to say this again because it's a pet peeve of mine: Check your spelling. Anyone know how many spelling errors should be on your resume?

Zero. That's how many.

And don't rely on Spellcheck, either. Spellcheck will not warn you when you say you operated a heat press machine that team blocked cats, even if you meant the machine steam blocked hats. Spellcheck is either stupid or evil. I haven't figured out which.

So check your resume for spelling. Especially if you are using the phrase "detail oriented" to describe yourself anywhere on your resume. I have never seen a resume that listed "detail oriented," which didn't also have at least one spelling error. If you have a spelling mistake on your resume, you know what you are clearly not?

That's right.

Here are some other things I don't need to see on your resume:

-Your age, marital status, number of children, religion, or hobbies.

-The reason you left a previous job. (I will ask about it in the interview.) But particularly if you are going to lie to me. For example, if you are a cashier and it is not January when you leave, you probably didn't get laid off. I'm highly familiar with the retail world. Non-seasonal cashiers do not get laid off. They get fired.

Here's a good rule of thumb: if someone else has your old job, you didn't get laid off. You got fired. Or, look at it this way, if you are not welcome to go back to the same company and work in the same job, you got fired. Not laid off.

-How artistic you are. So, one font for the whole resume. And something normal, like Times New Roman, Arial, Calibri. Never anything that looks like calligraphy, dot matrix printout, gothic script, or letters made of cats. (All true stories.) One text color for your whole resume--black. Remember the 15 second thing? It takes me less than a second to toss a resume written with pink ink. Zero watermarks or background graphics.

Your goal is for me to put your resume in my "further review" stack. Those are the ones I take a longer, more considered look at. You want your resume to stand out for good reason. Like, you have the qualifications I'm looking for. Like, you've done similar work or have transferable experience. Like you understand the job you are applying for.

You do not want your resume to get my attention because it's weird. Don't be weird in the interview, either. (As I've said repeatedly.) You can be weird later.

Once you have the job.

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T18:00:00.003-05:00

Not Humbuggin'. Just Busy

2011-11-22T18:00:00.003-05:00

I have no Christmas decorations up and I'll tell you why: Because I'm not done with Thanksgiving yet. I've not even started Thanksgiving.

Let's do one holiday at a time, ok?

My neighbors--most of whom are older--all have their holiday lights and decorations out. These are the same people, btw, who cut their grass in that criss-cross pattern five days a week in the summer. That is, I'm pretty sure, more often than most golf courses. They're all looking at my darkened house and comparing it to their own lights, Santas, creches, deer, and snowmen.

"Why aren't your Christmas lights up yet, Patwoman?"

Uh, same reason I don't get up at 4 am to go to the grocery store. I'm not ~~retired~~ bored and looking for something to do.

Just wait. As soon as Thanksgiving is over, I will put out so many holiday decorations, they will be begging me to throttle back.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, anyone?

Friday UFOs

2011-11-18T18:45:00.002-05:00

No pictures until after Christmas. How many more knitting days until Christmas?

Ugh.

Sharon's Stocking

2011-11-15T18:00:00.002-05:00

Christmas is coming and you know this year we have an addition to our clan--R's fiance, Sharon. This will be her first Christmas morning with us, so of course, she must have a stocking.

Sharon likes green and sparkly, which is pretty convenient because there are always some pretty cool sparkly greens around this time of year. So this is Red Heart Christmas Glitter in Green. It's a two needle stocking because it's just quicker that way. I used #5's and made it all one color. Here's what it looks like right now.

I will be adding some white fun fur at the top and possibly some jingle bells.

Disaster!!!

2011-11-14T18:00:00.003-05:00

!@@$$#%^&*#@!!

You know it's bad when I use the top row of the keyboard instead of the actual swear words!

I killed my iPhone.

You know how much I love that thing. I take it everywhere with me. I use it for everything. Everything. What did I do before I had it, when I had a question about where Patagonia is in the world? Or what genus racoons belong to? Or what football team did Warren Beatty's character play for in Heaven Can Wait? How did I listen to music or books or surf the web while standing in line at Subway? How did I watch episodes of Supernatural during my lunch hour?

And I killed her! Accidentally, of course. But it was my hand hand that dropped her in the water.

Fortunately, I was able to get the same model from the iPhone store and downloaded all my info onto it. So it looks the same. And has all the phone's memories. So even thought it's not the same phone, I think I'll be able to pretend that it is.

I'm calling it Cherry 2000.

Craft Fair Season!

2011-11-12T18:00:00.002-05:00

It's Craft Fair Season! I usually hit the CGHS fair (the largest in this area), the PMHS fair, and the Mt. Olive event (the first).

I missed the Mt. Olive Fair, but the CGHS Fair was last weekend and M and I had a great time. I bought our holiday cloth napkins (a Christmas tradition). We saw a lot of the standard craft fair things, nothing new and improved. But it was still fun.

Today was PMHS. It's also a large event. Sharon joined M and I this time.

I was tempted to purchase a couple of robots from the Robotics Club booth, but 1)they were only reselling the HEX robots they had purchased. These weren't robots built by the Robotics Club. So I felt it diluted the purpose of a craft fair. 2) They weren't selling the kind of robots I like.

Eleventy-Leven Foreboding

2011-11-11T18:00:00.002-05:00

I don't know if you're into numerology, if you think certain numbers have certain meanings or whatever. Too much math for me, I say. But I do think it's mildly interesting when there is a pattern to the numbers, like 11-11-11.

As far as whether that's a good sign or a bad sign, I don't know. But look what happened!

Or maybe that's just an example of why you can't put 300 stitches on an 18" cable needle.

Friday UFO

2011-11-04T18:00:00.002-04:00

Okay, they're all UFO's at this point, aren't they? Do you realize how few knitting days are left until Christmas? Yeah, that's right. Not very damn many.

And so far, I have completed only T's pressie. The rest are UFOs to some degree. Which I can't share with you right now because they are top secret. And despite the fact that I keep telling them they'll be sorry if they do, my kids do read this blog from time to time. So if I were to post pix of their Christmas presents, I'd also have to post some sort of deterrant first:

Last night I dreamed I was swimming through a long, narrow tunnel, dragging a giant tree behind me. My heart was pounding as I pulled hard at the wood, trying to force it through the tunnel...

Had enough kids? Yeah. That's what I thought.

Yes, I Had Another Birthday

2011-11-03T18:00:00.005-04:00

You might have caught that in yesterday's post. (As if you didn't already have October 18 marked on your calendar.) Yes, I had a birthday last month. The trip to meet Adam West on the 22nd was T's present to me.

But I also got other presents, some of which were knitting/fiber related. Like this one. M was very kind to pint out a few things she would like from this book.

And this one. What clever little things. These are definitely on my to-do list. You know, of course, that I crochet some. But amigarumi are something I have wanted to try for a while now. And the cute-creepy factor appeals to me, too. Cute-creepy is exactly what I would crochet. And penises. But there aren't any in this book.
I could probably create a pattern for one, once I get the technique down. But I'm pretty sure someone else has probably already done that. I mean, why wouldn't they?

I also got a Dean Koontz hardback because he's my fave. And I always get him in hardback, even though I love my Kindle. And I got some Red Hot Chili Peppers tunage. Because, dammit! I need more cowbell in my life!

On Heroes And Hats

2011-11-02T18:00:00.005-04:00

I must tell you this, Gentle Reader. It actually happened over a week ago, but I've been trying to put my thoughts into cohesive sentences since then. I think I'm just gonna let a picture speak a thousand words:

That's right. That's my two leading men, T and AW. And your old friend, Patwoman, grinning like a mental institution escapee next to Adam. Ha!

First, let me say, he was very nice. He called me "dear" several times. (And, luckily, he didn't mention any of our past adventures to T.) Second, (I caution you, this may get a little weird...) he was wearing a cuddly sweater. Seriously. I brushed against it as we were getting into place on the photographer's mark and I thought "Mmm. Cashmere."

This was a great trip, I have to say. A wonderful birthday present from T--Comicon Mid-Ohio. We stayed in the same hotel as all the celebs, btw, but I didn't see any of them until we actually went to the Con.

Not that I didn't try.

Understand: I am, deep down, a hick. I know you all think I'm smooth and cool and rapier-sharp, but some people just turn me stupid. Like, I-like-eggs-duh stupid. Celebs, mainly. But I could get that way with a good-looking shirtless guy with rock-hard abs, I'm pretty sure.

So, as T was checking in to the hotel, I was scanning the lobby for familiar faces. (None.) And when we went to breakfast at the hotel restaurant, I kept my eyes open for You Know Who. Then our waiter, noticing my Bat-shirt, informed me that my beloved Adam had just vacated the table next to us only minutes before we arrived.

Holy disappointment, Patwoman!

But, have no fear, Gentle Reader. I did get the chance to talk to The Batster (after standing in a crazy long line)! There was a sign that said No Pictures, but you know how I am about following the rules when they get in my way.

Here he is with the lovely hat I knitted for him. I was so happy with this hat. I fussed with it forever (you know that) to make sure it was perfect. Sigh, Gentle Reader, I have probably not knit a more evenly stitched hat in my life. And it was so clever, with its little bat-ears. Sadly, he didn't try it on right then.

He said, "Thank you, dear. It will be cold tonight and I will wear it." I think he was actually a little thrown that I gave him something. Or maybe he was just a little afraid of my incoherent babbling. I don't even know what I said. Odds are, it was something I-like-eggs-duh stupid.

T's advice, btw, before we went to this con was "The more you say, the crazier you're gonna sound." And well, I probably talked a lot. Yep. A lot. Grabbed his hand to shake it (again, probably threw him off because he was up on this raised platform booth with a table between us and I, being only 5 feet tall, had to step up onto the platform and reach pretty far over the table to execute a proper handshake) and held onto his hand while I spewed about seventeen diferent kinds of fan-girl adoration.

How embarassing. Oh well. I keep telling myself I'm probably not the weirdest fan he's come across over the years.

Probably.

I-like-eggs-duh.

On Debilitating Illness

2011-11-01T18:00:00.002-04:00

Where have you been, Patwoman? I hear you say as you shine the Pat-signal into the night.

And the answer is, I have been up and I have been down, but now I'm back with you again. In case you can't tell, I'm still slightly loopy. I've been sick all week. The kind of sick where, on Monday, you say "It's just allergies" and you blow you nose 1600 times, much to the disgust of all your co-workers who look at you as if you are maliciously spreading ebola virus onto their own person work surfaces (which you are not, becasuse you always use a tissue)!

The kind of sick where on Tuesday, your voice is pretty much gone, but you say "It's just allergies" because you don't want to admit you're starting to feel really bad. And really, your co-workers have so little contact with you now you might as well be at work where you can at least get some stuff done, as oppposed to being at home and having to work through the extranet, which is almost dial-up slow.

The kind of sick where on Wednesday, you realize you're actually getting worse, but you still go to work because 1) Your boss is on vaca and there's nobody else and 2) you've already committed to the "it's my allergies" thing.

It's the kind of sick where Thursday through Saturday are a half-remembered dream--a terrible, terrible dream in which you have to make a choice between breathing (taking the cold medicine) and sleeping (not taking it). Not to mention the two days of eye-twitching that are gonna come as a side effect of the drugs.

Anyway, long story short (see what I did there? I made it seem as if I had actually been brief in the telling. Ha!) I just haven't felt well enought to write.

Forgive me, Gentle Reader. I've missed you as much as you've missed me.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T17:15:00.005-04:00

Happy Halloween to you! As you all know, Halloween is my second favorite holiday, behind Christmas. Here's the Patwoman Holiday Scale, in case you were wondering:

Christmas
Halloween
Thanksgiving
Birthday
Valentine's Day
Mother's Day
Father's Day
Easter
St. Pat's Day (I know. You'd think this would rank higher.)
April Fool's Day
New Year's Day
Independence Day
Memorial Day
Labor Day
President's Day
Columbus Day
(The ranking is, for the most part, based on whether there are special colors, foods, and traditions involved.)

We did the Gamerz Annual Zombie Walk For ~~brains~~ Hunger at Gamerz again. Great turnout. We collected 11 boxes of packaged food for local food pantries. And we got to shamble in and out of our neighboring businesses (with a police escort!) dressed as zombies. You can't get cooler than that.

Sadly, since I was on the tail end of the Ebola Virus, I was not able to walk with the zombies and instead had to hold the fort for the benefit of the customers. But I felt bad enough to actually be a zombie, so that was okay.

What Is It Will Not Be Seen Tonight

2011-10-17T23:00:00.003-04:00

So that we can bring you this special presenation...

Remember when we were talking about chicken sweaters? Remember how cute that was? Well, today I saw a post on the Rav forums about penguin sweaters. Penguin sweaters!

So yeah, okay. I understand that pengies are birds and they get damaged from oil spills and that's why they need the sweaters. This really is a serious thing, folks. I can't tell you how terrible I feel for the poor birds who are being poisoned in their own habitat. Makes me sick.

I clicked over to the linked article to find out exactly what was going on with these penguins and what to do to help. And, if you want to read about it too, here is the link. (It says Spring because it's Spring in NZ, btw.) There is a pattern for a penguin sweater and an address to send it to. But, the penguin in that pic is a stuffed pengie. So I contacted my good friend, Professor Google.

And oh. My. God. I almost lost my effing mind, they're so cute.

Again, I'm not trying to be flip about such a serious thing, but please let penguins wear sweaters all the time!

Sometimes, You've Just Gotta...

2011-10-15T19:10:00.008-04:00

...power through all the reasons you have for not starting a hat and just start it, you know. And that's what I did.

I got my new, softer, bluer yarn. I worked out my whole needle guage thing. And I cast on. I have to say, it's looking very nice, indeed.

I used #4 straights to cast on. Used my "trick" to work about an inch on the straight needles. I like this ribbing in the smaller needle. Looks very nice. It's not twisted there, or ruffly. It just looks that way because there are 100 stitches on this needle.

Then, I thought about going to DPNs. Gabgab loves DPNs. But I prefer to use circulars, if I can. I just think they go much faster and the stitches are much smoother. You sock knitters may disagree, but that's my opinion. So I switched all these stitches onto the circular #6s (which are really 6s, because I have no idea where the package for these are, so I just poked them into the guager and it said they were 6s.)

I know you can't really see the color (dark navy) or how awesomely even and pretty my stitches are (you'd be jealous, you really would), but here is the progress on the special hat. My male model, Alpha, is wearing it for now. Lookin' good, Alpha Male.
Wait 'til you see what I do with this hat. Stay tuned.

I Love Yarn Day

2011-10-14T15:00:00.003-04:00

Like I needed an excuse! Ha!

When I told T about this sacred holiday he smirked, "Sounds like a made up holiday to me." Blasphemer!

But seriously, I have no idea what you're supposed to do on I Love Yarn Day. I'm not sure how one could celebrate Yarnlove more or differently than I do every day.

Yeah, I keep the faith.

But, you know, I'm game. So I thought, let's celebrate this bitch. And I went to the LYS. My LYS is Starstruck Cat Studio, btw. There are others, but this is closest and Jill is super nice.

Anyway, it seemed like a good ~~excuse~~ opportunity to buy some nice dark navy blue wool, so I did. Beautiful Cascade Superwash for my super-special hat. No more putting it off.

T, good sport that he is, was perfectly willing to help me celebrate further. There was some Cascade Jewels on display by the register that I was looking at (and touching. You know I always look with my fingers, too.) and he was like, "Let's get that, too."

But, as much as I would like to take advantage of that, I had to decline. Not because I don't want more yarn or that I can't take any more yarn celebration, but because I was afraid that I might not cast on for the hat if I had the Jewels.

Sad but true.

Is It Me?

2011-10-13T18:20:00.003-04:00

Or are DPNs a slightly different size than straight needles?

I was getting ready to Cast On for a special hat and you know how I hate to cast on to DPNs... Okay, maybe hate is too strong of a verb. It's more like, I find it mildly annoying to cast on to DPNs.

My trick, btw, is to cast on to a straight needle, knit two rows, and then switch to DPNs and continue in the round. Then you just seam those two stitches at the end of things. Okay, so you have to seam a bit, which does kind of defeat the purpose of working on DPNs in the first place. But it is only a couple of stitches, so I guess it comes down to what will annoy you more... seaming two stitches and weaving in the ends? Or trying to think up new and original swear words when one, two, or five stitches fall off the ends of your DPNs?

So, since I've lately exhausted my repertoire of clever and creative swear words (hey, there's been a lot of road construction going on in downtown Indy right now) I prefer to cast on to the straights.

I also like to do the ribbing on a hat in a needle size smaller than the rest of the hat. I don't know what it is--switching the yarn from front to back, maybe?--but the ribbing stitches all seem larger than the regular knit stitches, even if you are using the same size needle. So since I will be knitting the hat with #6s, I will go down to a #5 on the ribbing.

But, look at this. My #6 DPN

And my #5 straight

SAME SIZE.

And, in addition to all of that... I don't think this yarn is very soft. I need to get some different yarn. Something that will be softer. And darker.

Am I just psyching myself out about this hat?

Overwhelmed

2011-10-08T16:08:00.004-04:00

Do you ever feel like you just have so much to do and so little time to do it in? How about, so many ideas and only one of you to work on them? Sometimes I wish I had a clone.

Think about it... Two Patwomans. (Patwomen?) What could be better than that? Besides the obvious three or four or infinity Patwomans, of course.

Anyway. Here it is, October again. And, although I've started on my Christmas Knitting--and completed a few things, mind you--I'm not exactly sure where I'm at in the timeline. I mean, I know what I've knitted and what I haven't knitted. But I'm struggling with "Hey, didn't I already buy the yarn for that? Where did I put it?" And "Hey, where's the pattern for this?" And "Do I only have one pair of #5 needles?"

I don't. I have about 3 million pairs. But they have all fallen into the same black hole, apparently, that all my socks have fallen into.

I'm thinking I need to set aside some time, gather all the patterns, yarn, and associated needles I need for each project and then put them together.

But that kinda sounds like a lot of work. If there were only two of me...

Happy (Work) Anniversary To Me!

2011-10-05T18:00:00.001-04:00

Today I celebrated 5 years with the company. Technically, I guess the 1st was my anniversary. Do you remember when I was looking for a job, close to the beginning of this blog? (I started working about 6 months before that, but was not a FTE until October 1.)

Anyway, those are all technicalities. What matters is that it was a really nice day. My manager, my district manager, and the manager of the office I am physically located in and I all went to lunch at McCormick and Schmick.

Posh. And look at this menu:

I was also treated to delicious brownies

And received this lovely gift.

And check it out. Is that not completely awesome? I love it! I put it on the living room table so I can look at it when I'm working on the laptop. It's very conducive to writing, I've found.

On those occasions when I struggle for the words, my gaze goes to the crystal ball and I space out a little bit--in a totally good and not at all weird way--until I know where I'm going with that particular scene.

T's been calling it The Eye of Sauron (because we're both nerds and that made me laugh), but I figure, if Sauron wants to try and Incept me, he's welcome to try. He'll get caught inside the cobwebs of my head.

And then, where will he be? That's right. Caught in cobwebs. And I'll be staring at my crystal ball, thinking up wonderful words to write.

What Is It?

2011-10-03T18:00:00.002-04:00

You might well ask that. Well, it's not lopsided, although this crappy picture makes it seem like it is. And it's not pink (crappy picture, remember?). It is a little wrinkled, from being in the ~~Land That Time Forgot~~ To Be Finished Pile for so long.

And that's the problem with this. It's been in this not-finished state of limbo for too long. Look at it. It's fine. It's a great burgundy color. It's super soft. It's fitted and shaped. It's almost finished (needs one side seam, and some ribbing on one shoulder and around the neck).

But I started this for M so long ago... She is several years older than she was when I started. And she is, er, more of a woman than the girl that I was knitting this for. So this thing... won't work any more.

What is it? It's too small. That's what it is.

And it is the newest resident of the ~~Why Is This Pile The Biggest Pile In My Knitting Room?~~ To Be Frogged Pile.

The Doctor Knits

2011-10-02T17:15:00.004-04:00

Imagine my delight when watching the season ender of Doctor Who...
I've heard all these horror stories about how the BBC gets all hinky with people knitting Doctor Who-themed items, or creating patterns for Adipose or Ood, or whatever. But then, they put something like this in the show and I just have to think they know.

They know that all us knitting fangirls out there all bust our fingers cranking out a new scarf like The Doctor's (even if it's only on screen for a few seconds in one Christmas Special) or fingerless gloves or a sweater worn by one of The Doctor's companions. So you know they know we just go squee! when we see something like this.

Personally, I think it's likely the Doctor Knits himself. I mean, really. He's been around for over 900 years. Plus he has a time machine and no job, so he has pretty much an unlimited amount of free time. Is it likely there's anything he hasn't at least tried?

It is nice, though, when the writer/director/set designer/actor (whoever said "and The Doctor will be sitting there, reading Knitting For Girls") throws an obvious nod to the fans. Pretty cool.

Graph Mania

2011-10-01T15:00:00.002-04:00

I never really like making knitting graphs. I mean, sometimes you just can't avoid it. Sometimes, it's really the only way to get what you want out of the yarn. But I just don't find that part of the process fun.

Maybe because I always forget--is it that knit stitches are wider than they are tall, or taller than they are wide? I'll tell you something for free: it makes a difference.

Anyway, given that I dislike graphing so much, is it strange that more than half of the knitting I do for Christmas will involve graphing? And not just that. I will be creating the graphs myself. Why do I do that?

Oh yes, it's because it's so much fun to see the "picture" appear as you knit it. That's always a magical moment. Particularly when you are knitting words.

When I did M's Police Line Scarf last year, it was always fun to challenge myself to knit to the E or knit to the NOT. And the EXTERMINATE Scarf for R? Let me tell you, if I had a dollar for every time I knit EXTERMININATE...

Still, I'm very excited about this year's projects. They are all designed specifically for their recipients. Well, designed, in that I will be graphing all this out eventually. Right now I'm starting on the 2nd graphing project.

This is the hard part.

Friday FO

2011-09-30T18:00:00.002-04:00

So, as you know, I've been working on this particular scarf for a while. It's been my project for those times when I can't work on Christmas Knitting. And it is finally finished.

This is one 200 yd skein of acryllic and some pony beads. Pretty simple garter stitch vs stockingette stitch pattern. I did three rows of beads on each end. Honestly, the hardest part about knitting this scarf was trying to determine when to start knitting the beaded end after knitting the body. (I finished, btw, with 6 inches of yarn left.

That's right. Who's bad?

Not Knitting - I Wear Feathers Now. Feathers Are Cool.

2011-09-28T18:00:00.001-04:00

I've been seeing a lot of feathers lately. Reminds me of those clips we used to put in our hair back in the late 70's. Only those were actually roach clips and we just said they were hair clips.

Oh, I mean, some people used them for that. Of course, I only put them in my hair. (Calm down, kids. I told you, never read Mommy's blog.)

Anyway, feathers are cool now, so I thought I'd make some feathered earrings like I'm seeing all the young hipsters wearing these days. Turns out, it's pretty easy to do, so I ended up making three pairs while watching an episode of Doctor Who On Demand.

See those bottle caps there in that last photo? I experimented with some Dimensional Magic and made some keychains. This is Lilliana and Jace. I also made an Innistrad symbol, Ajani, and Chandra keychain. We gave all of these away at our huge Innistrad Pre-Release Event. They were a big hit.

Shopping Trip

2011-09-27T18:00:00.002-04:00

I found this new yarn the other day at Joann. It's Martha Stewart Craft Yarn. It's an uber thick yarn with a cotton (?) thread wrapped around it. I don't know what you would use such a yarn for, but it was really cool looking. There was a piece of it knitted into a choker, maybe, hanging next to the shelf. Very interesting.

Joann had a number of new yarns--or at least yarns that I hadn't seen before. These were novelty-ish yarns--nothing too crazy--probably designed to appeal to the Christmas gift scarf knitter. (I say that because M picked out several yarns for me to knit scarves for her.)

M and I also found a pokey hand at the Dollar Tree. (Okay, this is probably an M&M hand, but it's pretty useful for poking.)
Poke.
Poke.
Poke.

Mwah-ha-ha!

A Letter From AW

2011-09-26T18:00:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Patwoman,

On the rooftop of the Helskinki Museum of Art
You shattered my heart with joy
A shard of my heart fell into your hands
A shard of my heart lodged in that magical place and time
A shard of my heart wrapped itself around you like a W&T stitch
A shard of my heart is inexplicably lost to me forever
There are too many shards of my heart

I have fallen to pieces over you

With passion and love,

AW

***

Sweet Adam,

I fear I can no longer stay away. Your terrible poetry is winning me over, despite myself. I think I can last maybe 26 days. No longer.

What shall I knit for you?

With love,

Patwoman

Patwoman's Job Hunting Tips

2011-09-25T12:55:00.003-04:00

I'm just going to give you one tip this month, but it's an important one. In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say it's the most important tip you could ever get for your job hunt:

FOLLOW DIRECTIONS

Sure, that seems like it would be an easy thing to do. I can hear you scoff. "Really, Patwoman. Don't you think you're oversimplifying?" Well no, scoffer. I don't.

Okay, yes. I am looking for employees who stand out. I want employees who distinguish themselves. But let's be clear--I want them to be memorable for positive reasons. You want to be memorable for positive reasons. Hey, I like to ~~occasionally vandalize a sign or two~~ buck the system as much as the next person, but the time for that is later, when you already have the job. When you are looking for a job, you want to demonstrate a certain amount of conformity. It shows you can follow directions and obey the established rules.

Take, for example this conversation I had with a candidate who was supposed to take a company-mandated test at another location:

"Patwoman, I don't know the address of where I'm supposed to go."

"It's 5603 Raymond Street."

"Oh wow. I'm nowhere near that."

"Do you have the map I emailed you? Or the directions?"

"No. I didn't print it. I didn't even read it. I just deleted it."

"What? I told you on the phone yesterday I was sending the email and you should print it because it had a map. And remember I told you the address then. Didn't you at least write it down? Were you just hoping to remember it?"

"No, man. I can't remember stuff."

This conversation went on, in the same vein for a bit. Needless to say, I didn't hire this guy. See what not following directions gets you?

Okay, I've ranted a little here, but ~~it's my blog~~ the advice is sound. Sure, everyone has their own personality--that's actually the best part of my job, talking with so many different people. But at work, everyone has to play by the rules. Yes, be creative. But be smart about how that creativity manifests itself.

And if I send you an email with directions and a map... don't delete it.

Patwoman KIPs

2011-09-24T15:00:00.003-04:00

I've been watching a lot of Discovery Channel lately. And Science Channel. You know that deep down, I'm kind of a secret Sci-Geek, right. (Okay, it's not so secret.) I've been fascinated with anything with Dr. Michio Kaku, actually. He's my new awesome hero.

Apparently, he recently appeared at a con or two and spoke about things like FTL travel and warp drives and transporters and the like. I wish he'd been/will be at any of the cons I go to. I would love to ask him a ton of questions. (If anyone sat in on one of those seminars, lmk. I'd love to hear about it.) I'm intrigued by the whole philosophy of physics, although I don't claim to understand very much of it.

T and I actually had a discussion the other night, where I admitted that I had no real concept of how big the universe is, because once you get beyond a certain point, the basis of comparison becomes unreal to me. So, the size of the universe (and let's not even take into consideration its continual expansion) is, literally, bigger than I can imagine.

Friday UFO

2011-09-23T18:30:00.001-04:00

This time of year it's always a little difficult to get any knitting done. First, because I'm really kicking into gear with Christmas knitting about now. But, my family seems to have finally caught on that I sometimes knit their gifts right in front of them without them even knowing. Now, if they see me knitting this time of year, they notice.

So, I have to do my Christmas knitting when that particular person is not around. And some days, they're all here. So that necessitates another, neutral project. Like this scarf.

This is my Everyone Is Here But I Still Need To Be Keeping My Hands Busy With Something Scarf. It's just a worsted weight yarn with some beads. Pretty straight forward stockingette and garter stiching. And these are pony beads, so they threaded on super quickly. I'm using #6 needles.

Sharon has claimed this scarf, prompting M to "custom order" a similar one. Which is ok, since I will need another Everyone Is Here But I Still Need To Be Keeping My Hands Busy With Something Scarf between now and Christmas, I'm sure.

Episode 42: Patwoman Refrains From Elbow-Smashing Her Computer From The Top Rope

2011-09-22T18:00:00.001-04:00

...and instead, opts for a Boston Crab submission hold.

So, the continuing saga of Patwoman's ~~virus-ridden dinosaur of a~~ computer... uh... continues.

The internet demons inside this infernal machine have kept me away from you long enough! I have fortunately been able to discover a back door solution (That's right, laugh. Double entendre is the highest form of humor.) that will let me post again.

Obviously, the trick is going to be fixing/replacing this beast before it has a chance to break my hold, get back up on the mat, tag out, or some other lame wrestling metaphor.

Stay tuned.

Not Knitting

2011-08-31T23:00:00.002-04:00

Welcome back to another episode of Swearing With Patwoman, or as I sometimes call it: Beading Night.

Let me ask you a question. What do you think happens when you don't plan? Like, when you just pick up the beads and start stringing with no thought of Hey, maybe I don't have enough beads to do a whole necklace like this. Or Hey, maybe I should lay this out to see what it looks like first so I don't have to dump all the beads I've strung and start over once I get to within three inches of the end and realize I don't have enough damn bugle beads to finish in the established pattern. What do you think happens then?

So, after I got to within three inches of the end and realized I didn't have enough bugle beads to finish in the established pattern, I had to dump all my work and start over.

Sadly, I had not learned my lesson yet and ended up dumping that experiment, too.

But then, I did this, which I like best of all. (And not just because I didn't have to start over.) I added some seed beads to the mix and the pendant with some seed/bugle bead danglies. I think it looks kind of primitive and earthy.

And no, I didn't plan ahead with that one, either. I just got lucky.

A Letter From AW

2011-08-30T20:00:00.002-04:00

My Dearest Patwoman,

Summer is drawing to a close, My Darling, and all around the signs of approaching autumn are making themselves known. Summer gardens which just a few short weeks ago were abundant with fruit--sweet, delicious, juicy fruit that seemed as if it would never run out--now slow their progress (as if the journey were as important as the destination, finally!). And though the early fruit is but a sweet memory, I am reminded that the garden still has much to offer a clever harvester.

For in its youth, a garden may produce dozens of, say, zucchini--so much zucchini, in fact, that one begins to wonder if zucchini is the only thing the garden may offer. And then you may notice, Dearest Patwoman, that your garden--while never having any shortage of zucchini, mind you--has also produced such sweet, long-ripening delicacies as pumpkins, turnips, and other even larger, sweeter fruits that maybe you don't get as often, but they're still really, really good. Fruits that any girl would be happy to have because, after all, it's quality over quantity. You know I'm right.

And, my Foxy Feline, don't ever forget that pumpkin can be prepared in many, many different ways--pumpkin pie, pumpkin cake, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin soup, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin seeds. (Even the seeds are good, mi corazon! The seeds!)

But I digress. The point, my Tasty Temptress, is that though the season has changed for both of us, there is still fruit on the vine. Ripe fruit. Take my word for it.

Yours, as always,

AW
***

Sweet Adam,

Wait. What? Is that some sort of symbolism? I understood, basically, none of that. Except, maybe... You want to do something with fruit?

Hm.

Call me.

Love, Patwoman

Patwoman's Job Hunting Tips

2011-08-28T11:34:00.002-04:00

What To Say If You Don't Really Want A Job

- "I don't really want to do this job, but I guess I will until something better comes along."

- "I hope you don't think I'm going to bust my ass for that pay. I mean, I'll do the job, but I'm not going to do anything extra."

- "Can I take the drug test today, just in case?"

- "Can I take the drug test today, since it's Friday and the weekend is coming up?"

-"You're not going to do the drug test today, are you?"

- "That background check... Is it just Indiana or will you be checking other states, too?"

- "Did I get the job? Because I really want to go tell my current boss he can kiss my ass."

These are all real examples, sadly.

Shopping Trip - Is It Halloween Already?

2011-08-25T21:38:00.012-04:00

I love it when the stores start getting their Halloween merchandise out. So much fun to check out the new stuff.

"Hm. I have the head-in-a-cage and the ghost-on-a-wire and the animatronic spider, but look at this jumping hand!"

Craft stores are great, because they always get their holiday stuff out early. This week I found piles of skulls, bones, and various creepy birds. I already have a raven perched over my desk (I call him Lenore) but check out Disco Raven! Sparkly!

Of course no trip to the craft store would be complete without some cock handling.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't bother protesting the joke. I'm immune to your boos and hisses.

The mall had some ~~cool~~ ~~weird~~ ~~disturbing~~ ~~cool~~ candy dishes. Like this ghost, who seems to be saying "Here, have some candy that I am urinating out onto this dish." Or, I suppose, this top piece might be backward. Maybe he's actually pooping candy? By the way, I think you're really doing yourself a disservice if you don't put Tootsie Rolls in this dish.

And what about this? "Hey kids! Scoop out my brains for a delicious Halloween treat!" And what kind of candy would you put in here? Some sort of taffy? Maybe these?

Personally, I would serve nuts from there.

Not Knitting - A Matching Set

2011-08-24T23:23:00.006-04:00

Wednesdays are always ~~swearing~~ beading nights, as you know. Tonight Sharon and I put together some beaded necklaces for the fused dichroic glass pendants we made at Gencon.

This is mine, for the beer glass pendant. I used a bunch of similar colored seed beads and just strung them randomly on a wire. I think it really sets off the fused glass pendant.

~~There was not much swearing going on for that~~ That worked out very well, so I also put together these earrings and the matching bracelet. Yay!

Oh, and I finished off the earrings from before... Just needed to put the wires on them.

Knit Mobile

2011-08-21T23:08:00.004-04:00

Not a Knitmobile (like I might as well name my car) but a mobile having to do with knitting. How cool is that?

We were crossing through the Artsgarden at Circle Center when suddenly my head snapped up on its own accord. Believe me, when you reach my stage of the disease, your eyes automatically find the knitting-related paraphernalia long before your conscious brain even registers it. It's kind of like the way blind newborn kittens automatically find their way to their mothers to nurse.

Acutally, it's exactly like that. Only I'm not blind. Or newborn. Or a cat. And I ~~have never been caught~~ don't ~~often~~ suck my knitting needles.

Not for sustenance, anyway.

So actually, it's nothing like that. But it is an instinctual thing. "Ooooh. Knitting!"

I think my exact words were "Knitting. Look. Knitting needles." And then some Lennie Small-style laughter. My family--who are used to me having the attention span of a magpie with ADHD when it comes to knitting--just kept going, of course.

But I stood under this mobile, forcing other people to walk around me as I looked up in wonder. I mean, how cool is this? It's knitting needles and patterns and yarn, hanging from the ceiling of the Artsgarden!

After a bit, I decided to move. Not because of the grumbling of the people who had to walk around me as I stood there, looking up. And not because everyone had gotten so far ahead of me that they noticed I was missing and had to come back and see what had happened to me.

But because I was struck by the visual thought of what would happen if an earthquake struck at that moment. Imagine me, a human pincushion, skewered by hundreds of knitting needles. Irony! Never mind that the greater danger would be the collapse of the Artsgarden itself--a glass and steel structure suspended over one of Downtown Indianapolis' busiest intersections.

Oh yeah. Scoff if you want. It could happen.

Friday UFO

2011-08-19T22:47:00.003-04:00

It's the same UFO as last Friday, sadly--the scarf I started knitting at GenCon. I say sadly because sadly, I have not had a lot of time to knit this week. I had something going on in the evening most days this week.

I did double its size from last week which is pretty good, I guess, for only knitting a few minutes at a time.

Sigh. Don't you hate it when you have to get stuff done, but you just want to slack?

Not Knitting... Fusing Glass

2011-08-17T18:00:00.002-04:00

How awesome is this? I got my fused dichroic glass pendants back from ~~kilning~~ ~~baking~~ firing. The ladies at the CATS (Creative Arts Teaching Seminars) did a great job teaching us all how to do this. The girls and I had a lot of fun learning to do this and will probably do it again next year.

M was crazy with the glass cutters, too. It was almost scary how much she enjoyed cutting glass. We sat on opposite sides of the work table and every now and then, a bit of glass would come flying over at me. (Good thing I was wearing my glasses, for a change.)

I really enjoyed both times I worked with glass. Remember last year, M and I made glass frit trees? These are the same ladies who taught that class.

I think it's really cool how this

becomes this

and then this

with some strategic glass cutting and placement and the application of heat.

What Is It?

2011-08-15T22:06:00.003-04:00

What is this? Achilles wants to know. Are you curious, too?

Is it a purse?

No.
Is it a can cozy?

No.
It's a scarf!

Nice fluffy muppet pelt scarf! Awesome!

Shopping Trip

2011-08-14T15:56:00.006-04:00

Decided to do some yarn shopping with T the other day. Not really to buy (although I wouldn't have been opposed to it if a couple of skeins had jumped off the shelf and into my arms); really just to look at what was new. And look! I found a couple of new things from Bernat! Puff Ball is one of those pompon yarns that are out now. And Ruffelina... I don't know how to describe that. Take a look. It's kind of half-ladder, half eyelash. And both are in pink, to support breast cancer research.

Always fun to take T along on a shopping trip. He always finds some way to amuse himself.
What's really funny is that today, M and I went to Joann. And look. I guess that apple didn't fall very far from that tree.

Patwoman's Triumphant Return To Work

2011-08-13T09:00:00.002-04:00

Whew. This week was kind of difficult. I was off last week, of course, for Gencon and--how unusual for me--I didn't even think of work. I mean, I really took a vaca.

Which is nice. And also kind of a pain. Because, when I came back this Tuesday, after being off on vaca, it was just so hard to jump back into my normal rhythm. I broke my stride a little, if you know what I mean.

But, I was able to catch back up by the end of the week, even though it meant I sat with my nose to the grindstone through a couple of lunches. It helped, too, that everyone else in my office seemed to be just as busy, so there was really no socializing to distract.

Not that it would be a bad thing. Some offices I've been a part of have been hilarious. Like that time my idiot boss made fun of the oven mitt I knit for him.

Friday UFO (GenCon Edition)

2011-08-12T21:01:00.004-04:00

One of the things GenCon has done for the last few years is offer events geared toward the non-gaming spouses and partners of gamers. Of course, we all know that gamers are creative people by definition, so these programs are pretty popular with us, too.

I did one seminar this year--fused dichroic glass (which I will show you next week, when mine are back from the kiln). But there were other classes I wanted to take and just didn't have time. Like chain mail. I want to do chain mail. And wire work. That looks like a lot of fun. And leather stamping... But I digress.

I did stop into the open crafting area, which was great, I must say. I had never been to the open crafting area, mainly because I usually do a lot of gaming at this con. So I was pleasantly surprised. A full-sized sewing machine, a couple of handheld sewing machines, a Cricuit, embossers, scrapbook papers, stampts, pens, inks, charms, glitter, buttons, zippers, paints, embroidery floss, fabric, beads, findings, glue, yarn, hooks, needles, cross stitch kits, and patterns. They even had several of those potholder looms we all used to have. And all materials were free to use. Free to take.

Fantastic!

The lady who organizes this (I'm told) goes to garage sales, auctions, and estate sales and buys up anything remotely crafty. So naturually, you won't find a huge stash of Noro Silk Garden--it's pretty much all acryllic--but there's a variety, and it's there just to provide a place for crafters to hang out.

So I grabbed some needles and some of this boucle yarn (No label, but I know it's TLC Amore.) and just started knitting. Very nice, since I was starting to have some withdrawal pains from not knitting over the last few days. (Seriously. People were starting to worry. "Patwoman, why are your hands twitching?")

I also got the opportunity to teach Sharon, my future daughter-in-law, how to knit. Yes. Another one brought over to the dark side. Excellent.

Gencon Recap Part 2

2011-08-11T18:00:00.005-04:00

Whenever I tell ~~normal~~ people I'm going to Gencon, they always ask "Oh, are you going to dress up?" As if the idea of me dressing up would be so ridiculously out of character. I find it so funny that so many people think I'm so serious. (I so used the word so so many times in that so-so sentence.) Honestly, I don't know where people get the idea that I'm Serious Sally.

But no, I don't dress up for Gencon. Mainly because I do, actually, do some serious talking in addition to the gaming. And really, how would it be for me to be dressed as Princess Peach or Cheetara or Kaleigh the Kilt Inspector while I was talking to a publisher or a distributor? Talk about surreal.

I do have costumes, mind you. I wear them during the LARPs we play or run. I have, in the past, been a nurse, a Professor of Antiquities, an old gypsy woman, a water sprite, a giant wurm, and a 9 foot Aztec god of Death. I just don't wear them to wander around the con or go to business meetings.

So, maybe I am serious. A little at least.

I do admit that sometimes I get very wrapped up in what I'm doing, to the point where I'm fairly tuned out to the rest of the world. I'd like to think that comes from my early broadcast training--learning to ignore the other voices coming through the headset in order to concentrate on what I'm saying.

T says I'm quite oblivious to what's going on around me. I don't think I'd go so far as to say oblivious. That seems as ill-fitting a word for me as serious. I mean, sure, sometimes I'll get wrapped up in something and not hear someone say my name, or not notice that the line has moved forward, or whatever.

But I'd hardly call that oblivious.

Not Knitting (Gencon Edition)

2011-08-10T21:09:00.004-04:00

If you've never been to Gencon, you probably don't realize how much craftiness is going on there. People make costumes, game terrain, games, banners, jewelry, minis, and more. That's not to mention all the straight-up knitting, crocheting, beading, glass work, wire work, chain mailling, and painting that are part of the event programming. One thing I always do is the Paint And Take.

Basically, a bunch of companies donate minis, paints, and other supplies for this event. Then people like me can go sit down and paint a mini, free of charge. It's a nice break from walking around, and it gives you a chance to sit and just focus in on your thoughts as you paint. They also have people there to give you painting tips and help out, but I usually prefer to just paint without chatting.

As you can see, I'm not especially good at it--in terms of not getting the paint everywhere. But my way of thinking is, so what if I get arm color on the cloak? I'll just paint the cloak after the arm and then no one will even know.

I'm pretty happy with that hair, though. I went totally Van Gogh and just started mixing colors and putting down layers. That hair has a lot of depth to it, let me tell you.

Sadly, I took all these pix with my iPhone, so you can't really get a good look at the paint job. Oh wait. You can't get a good look at the paint job, can you? Oh, well, then. It's a fantastic paint job. The best you've ever seen. The forest green cloak, the saphire blue dress, the saucy red hair. You're amazed. I can tell.

Save The Barbarians

2011-08-09T20:21:00.004-04:00

This is Art and Russ, two Barbarian Brothers cursed by an evil witch. You wouldn't know it to look at them, but Art and Russ are teenage barbarians. Yes, they're teenagers.

But Art and Russ don't have the luxury of being teenagers--eating whatever they want without gaining a pound, pulling all-nighters, and driving like an immortal being (that can't've just been me)--like we did. Instead, they've been forced to grow ~~old~~ up too quickly by the unfair hexing practices of magic users in that part of the world.

Think of how it is for these poor boys to go to bed each night, tired, aching, and worried that tomorrow will be the day their employer decides someone younger could do the job better. Think of the creaking and popping with every move, the decreased endurance that makes them park closer and closer to the mall doors and even suspiciously eye the handicap spaces, wondering if they can get away with parking there for just a few minutes. Think of the grey hair and subtle, but inevitable, weight gain that makes them look in the mirror and worry "Oh God, am I still attractive?" (Really. That can't just be me.)

I know what you're thinking. Me too. But these boys are just teenagers. They haven't had the time or ~~opportunities~~ experience to hedonistically abuse their bodies like we have.They don't deserve middle age. That's why it's so unfair.

But, unlike you and I, Russ and Art don't have to be ~~old~~ 40 forever. Their spell can be reversed, if only they can convince the witch to do it. And that's why they need our help.

Check out The Brothers Barbarian online and learn about their quest for a cure.

Go to The Brothers Barbarian on FaceBook and Like them. (They're likable guys, c'mon.)

Go to YouTube and subscribe to The Brothers Barbarian web series.

And tell your friends. After all, this is America. No one should have to go to bed at night, middle aged.

This message brought to you by the The Brothers Barbarian and Patwoman Foundation for Men in Loincloths.

GenCon 2011 Recap (Part 1)

2011-08-08T20:20:00.009-04:00

I have returned from GenCon! What a great week it was! Of course, you know that I look forward to this con all year. But, unlike most things we (as people) look forward to, GenCon doesn't disappoint. I haven't seen any numbers yet, but I'm pretty sure, just by talking to vendors and organizers, this is the biggest year, yet.

It's the first year in the new Indianapolis Convention Center. (It's also in the old part, too, so it's pretty much doubled in square footage.) I must say, this is a very pretty venue. Sadly, I didn't take any pix from the outside, I guess because I pass this building every week day and just didn't think about it. But, for those of you who haven't seen it, the facade is smooth glass, with a slight curve. That curve is evident on the inside. No sharp angles, all very smooth. Of course, I didn't think to take any pix of that, either. Instead, I chose to take a picture of the other hallway, the one that is actually straight.

This pic is from Wednesday morning, before the con officially started. T and I were there for Trade Day and wandered around a bit. There were a lot of con-goers there, already. Some were picking up badges (we picked up badges for R, M, Eric, and Sharon at the Will Call on Wednesday morning and waited only about 40 minutes in line. We saw some people we know waiting in line on Wednesday afternoon who had been there for a couple of hours.

Costumes are one of the best things about GenCon. And no, I didn't go in a costume, but it looks like a lot of fun, doesn't it?

I also ran into an old friend. A very (over 900 years) old friend.

And some of his friends. (This is what I call a ~~pair of docs~~ paradox

And, an old enemy.

Played a lot of games and saw some really funny movies, that I will be updating on here soon. Met a lot of really nice people--always do. I also did some crafting, too. I can't wait to show you that. Stay tuned.

Counting Down...

2011-08-01T23:06:00.003-04:00

I cannot stay focused enough to do What Is It tonight. As you all know, August is the time of year for Gencon.

Ah, Gencon. My Nerdvana. How I have missed you.

As I went to work this morning, I passed the Convention Center, where there were already signs up, welcoming gamers. Several exhibitors were also unloading, including the True Dungeon folks.

I worked diligently today, trying to squeeze the whole week's work into today and tomorrow, since I will be off the rest of the week for the con. Oh, and I'll be taking Monday off, to recuperate. Wednesday through Sunday will be morning to night gaming, vendor meetings, and seminars. I will be running on empty by Sunday night.

Did I mention that last year I fell asleep playing Magic the Gathering? I'm not a spring chicken any more.

Patwoman's Job Hunting Tips

2011-07-31T19:29:00.002-04:00

1. I have a name. Use the one I tell you to call me. Not Hon. Not Sweetie. Not Babe. Not Pam. Not Patrick. And not Gurl. (As is "Gurrrrrrl, I need a job.") True stories, all.

2. Don't smoke. I'll be blunt. You stink when you smoke.
Regardless of the smoke smell--which is stronger than you think, trust me--smoking dries out your mouth and tongue. Dry mouth = bad breath pretty quickly. It's not fun for me to sit across from you when you are scorching my eyebrows with your breath. It makes me want to cut the interview short so you will stop breathing on me. Understand?

Use a breath spray, mouthwash, Tic Tac, whatever. Or better yet, don't smoke.

3. Turn off your cell phone. Why do I keep having to say this over and over? Let's just assume for a second that you don't have some "Smack That Ho" ringtone. Let's say it's a normal, comes-with-the-phone ring.

Hear's what you hear: Ring Ring.
Hear's what I hear: "I don't care about this interview."

Now, if you answer the phone during our interview and it's not something very, very important (like "OMG this is the Fire Department that services my neighborhood!") it reflects very badly on you.

You may say: "I'll just answer it and tell them I'll call them back."
I hear: "This might be something more important/interesting than this job interview."

Turn the cell phone off.

4. Show me you can/will/want to do the job. Sure, you say you want a job. You say you will work. You say you are capable. But if I ask you to complete an application and you say "Can't you just get all that information from my resume," guess what that says to me?

Not Knitting

2011-07-27T22:42:00.006-04:00

Of course you all remember last week's Stepping Up Necklace, right? I liked that so much that I decided to make the matching bracelet and earrings tonight. Let me say, I love these stones. They are slightly heavy and very cool and I like the way they hang. I'm liking the toggle clasp on the necklace, too. Makes it very easy for me to put on my jewelry without assistance.

Hey, I have a lot of hair. It's hard to fasten most necklaces.

The bracelet went together just fine. (I might be getting better at this beading thing.) Really the only difficulty is finding seed beads of just the right size to string in the middle of the silver O's.

That, and the part where I tried to measure the almost-finished piece against my own wrist and ended up dumping the whole string onto the floor.

And the earrings went smoothly, too. I finished the danglies and got ready to attach them to earring wires, but... No silver earring wires. What? How is that possible? Sigh. I guess the earrings will wait until next week.

Oh wait! Next week is GenCon! My Nerdvana! Oh, well then, Gentle Reader, you may have to wait a bit longer. When will we see these earrings?

Admit it. You are tingling with anticipation.

Twenty Minutes Into The Future

2011-07-26T18:00:00.003-04:00

So have you seen this?

A Japanese company has developed technology that would allow us to physically interact with holograms. Physically. Like touch them. How cool is that?

Apparently it works by creating a field of force (or a force field, if you will) that resists a person's physical touch. So when you touch a holographic surface, you feel like you are touching something. (Presumeably, it isn't yet sophisticated enough to feel "furry" or "scratchy" or "cold," but that's coming, I'm sure.)

So cool. So many practical applications for that. Like this:

And this:

I mean, a holodeck. How can you get more practical than that? Imagine yourself interacting with me and Adam, in a holo-world you can see, hear, and touch. We'd run along the rooftops of the Helsinki museum district, priceless works of art in hand--Adam not quite catching us until we let him.

Then we exchange some witty repartee, engage in some mild melee action (the kind of repartee accompanied by Pow, Bam, and my favorite... Thwack). And, tempers stoked, heartrates skyrocketing, breathless Adam grabs me by the--

Hey! Wait a sec! Are you still here? WFT? Ever hear of privacy? Get your own holodeck experience, perv.

Oh yeah. That reminds me. Porn. Hologram Forcefield Technology would be good for porn.

What Is It?

2011-07-25T22:56:00.006-04:00

What is this? Gracie wants to know. Are you curious too?

I dug this out of a pile of UFOs I had shoved into my yarn shelves, apparently because I was too ashamed of it to finish. Honestly, I knit this so long ago, I have absolutely no memory of doing it. So I can't tell you exactly what was going through my mind at the time.

But I'm really frightened of what I might have been thinking. Look at this. Does that not look like a K1 P1 waistband to you? Tell me I wasn't knitting some sort of garment out of this yarn? Seriously?

I can only think I must have been doing it as some sort of joke. I mean, it's pretty yarn. The color, by the way, is most like that first pic, with Gracie. Very peachy, slightly pink. And it's very soft. That lighter bit is a sort of angora-like fuzz. It would be a lovely scarf or hat.

But seriously? I'm trying to picture this as a vest or something and I am just struck by the thought that, looking at it from a medium distance, a person would think "Why is Patwoman topless? And why doesn't she invest in a full body waxing?"

Yeah. Some things you've just got to frog.

A Letter From AW

2011-07-24T14:15:00.003-04:00

My Dearest Patwoman,

Come live with me and be my love
And let me breach your facade so tough;
Let us scorn those who would undo
A love so sure, undying, true.

Our love burns with like fires
Same of heart and mind and desires;
And since our passion cannot be moved
Come live with me and be my love.

As always, your loving bat friend-with-benefits,

AW
**

Sweet Adam,

There once was a bat who felt
Up a young nemesis before he knelt
He tried, with love, to reform her
And plied her breasts to adore her
And finally bound her with his utility belt.

And though his firmness of...heart she felt
And his stamina threatened her health
She could never walk in the light
Yet he was the original dark knight
Oh, er, wait. Do you still have that utility belt?

Call me.

Patwoman

Friday UFO - 10 Stitch Wave

2011-07-22T19:45:00.002-04:00

Thought I would update you on the progress of the 10 Stitch Wave Scarf I've been working on. It's been a ~~pain in my ass~~ practice piece for working short rows. Not sure I need this much practice, but...

I love the way it looks. It's actually a little darker, a little browner and less red than this picture shows (effin flash). I think it will look really nice when it's done. I have plans to keep this one myself.

It's very slow going, however, since I have to actually pay attention to what I'm doing. That means I'm not knitting it at the normal times, like when I watch TV or game. So I'm getting it done a little at a time.

You might see this as a Friday FO sometime in 2013 at this rate.

Not Knitting - Beadwork

2011-07-20T20:15:00.002-04:00

So this is what I like to call my Stepping Up Necklace. Sure, that might seem like a lame name to you, since you don't know the whole story. You might expect to see some sort of steps or increase in size, some gradation in color maybe. Something that would justify the stepping up label.

Lemme 'splain. (No. It's too much. Let me summarize.)

My company has a series of recognition awards and one of them is the Stepping Up To The Plate Award. I got this award. The award was a very nice certificate that I hung in my office.

Unfortunately, I can't post a photo here because someone from work might see it and you know how companies get when you're talking about them online. It might get back to someone who can't take a joke and they'd be all like "Oh Patwoman, you can't talk about kinky sex with Adam West and your employment at our company all in the same blog post--although I totally just did--You are in big trouble, Missy."

And I would be, because I got in trouble not too long ago for cruising the local news channel at work, even though I still did a massive amount of work that day and it's not like I was shopping for shoes for hours like some people at my office have been known to do. But you know, I haven't owned the company in years, so I don't get to make the rules any more. Suffice it to say I find it monumentally offensive that our IT dept has the time to police my internet activities and yet every single time I call them for help with something so fucktardly simple, like installing the most recent update of Internet Explorer to my testing computers so I can have candidates test, I'm on hold for 20 minutes before I can get help?

Anyway, that's why you can't see the award, because you know how obsessive I am about not naming my company here just in case.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so the award was a very nice certificate, which I hung in my office, and a gift certificate to Michael's. And I bought these beads.

As I strung these beads, I thought about work and about how I could improve my work and more or less infused these beads with positive energy directed at my work. Hopefully, when I wear them I will feel the power of that positive energy, and every time I wear the Stepping Up Necklace, I will step up.

I'm very serious. That may sound like I'm being funny, but there is a lot of anecdotal evidence (in psychology, religion, philosophy, and physics) to suggest that focusing mental energy on some object or action will bring about a result.

Ha! We're Not Knitting today. We're gettin' down with our bad metaphysical selves!

Shake Well; Apply To Skin

2011-07-19T18:07:00.004-04:00

So you know about this, right?

Of course you know Japan has been struggling with energy issues since the tsunami/earthquake/nuclear meltdown. They are conserving energy by scheduling rolling brownouts, relaxing work dress codes to allow for cooler clothing, limiting power usage for all non-essential uses (like air conditioner), and other accommodations. Some of these other accomodations include this cooling foam.

Basically, you spray the foam on your wrists, around your neck, ankles, and waist. It goes on like shaving cream and dries hard. In the meantime, it's very cool. So, if you've applied it to your hotspots, you effectively have a personal AC.

I'm thinking I need some of this foam. It's been ~~hot~~ ~~scorching~~ ~~hellish~~ the temperature of the surface of the sun here in Indiana. Like, I leave my air conditioned 60 degree office at 5 pm and step out into the day and the air literally hits me like a punch in the face.

And listen to the kinda crap every wannabe weatherman in Indiana will tell you if you accidentally make eye contact with one of them:

"You know, if you don't like the weather in Indiana, just wait two minutes. It will change." Really? Because it's been hot like this for two weeks so far. That seems pretty consistent to me.

"This just means we'll have a mild winter." and from others "This means we'll have a harsh winter." Thanks, Professor. Now I see why there are so few scientists produced out of Indiana Public Schools.

And my favorite, "It's not the heat. It's the humidity. It wouldn't be so hot if it were a dry heat." Listen, when it's 98 degrees, it doesn't matter if it's humid or dry. Hot is hot. You wanna know what dry heat is? An oven. That's dry heat.

Anyway, I think cold foam you wear on you body is pretty cool. (Whoompah!) But I have to say, when I see an article about spraying foam on your body, my mind immediately goes to this:

What Is It?

2011-07-18T23:43:00.006-04:00

What is this? Gracie wants to know. Are you curious, too?

Is it a Bunny Bed? A vorpal bunny! Ha!

No.

Is it a Clown Cozy?

No.

Let's sew up this gaping seam on the side and see what we get?

What could it be?

You know, don't you? Don't give it away. Let the others guess.

Yay! It's a slouchy hat!

What Do You Think This Means?

2011-07-17T18:02:00.005-04:00

For the past several nights, I've had dreams of a post-apocalyptic world. And not the good kind.

In these dreams, whatever has happened is over (Oh. Hence the post-apocalyptic, I guess.) and it is a time of rebuilding. But there is terrible danger, still. In one dream, I was attacked by a squiddy thing that tried to burrow into my ribs. I could feel it wriggling its way in, even after I woke up.

That turned out to be Gabgab, by the way, sitting on my side and washing her face. For some reason, she feared losing her balance and plummeting the 4 inches to the soft bed, so she was digging her claws into my ribs.

In another dream, a person I was with was wounded and I was trying to find medical supplies to help him. And in another dream, I was building a long-term shelter and the most important feature had to be that it could not be easily detected by others. Last night I dreamed of exploring a flooded amusement park. (But I actually have that dream fairly often.)

These were not really nightmares (well, except for the squid trying to burrow into my insides) so much as they were just strange. Usually, my dreams are a little more straight forward. Running, pickles, towers, forgetting something, snakes, sausages, being lost, hot dogs, tunnels and trains, cigars... You know, normal stuff.

Continuous Learning - Wire Crochet With Beads...

2011-07-16T15:00:00.002-04:00

...or It's Harder Than It Looks.

I was cruising Ravelry a while back and saw this really cool wire crochet necklace with beads. Now, you know I've done knitting with wire and with beads, so big deal, right? And I have some wire and some beads. (I did buy a new crochet hook though, because all my crochet hooks were my mom's and I just don't want to scratch them all up with the wire.)

The pattern is very straight forward. It's actually more of a process than a pattern. It's basically chain 2, slip a bead. Seems pretty easy, eh? Let me tell you what I've learned.

1. It says 39 beads. String 39 beads on the wire. I already had this wire strung with beads because of another project I had done a while back, so I decided to be lazy and just use that. The problem was, this wire had about 100 beads strung on it. It was so heavy and hard to work with. Plus, I had to stop and count how many beads I'd crocheted on a couple of times. If I'd only strung 39, I'd know when I got to the end, because I'd have no more beads.

2. This probably would have been easier to start if I'd left a longer tail at the beginning. I didn't know that at the beginning, however, and fought with the first 6 inches.

3. I probably wouldn't have had so much strain on my hands if I'd rested the bead tail on a table (like my dining room table, which would've put the
beaded wire not too far below hand level. I think that might have made the process quicker and easier. Instead, I sat on my new couch and tried to let the beaded wire rest in my lap. But, beaded wire (with a hundred beads on it) is heavy and it kept sliding off my lap and creating a downward drag on my hand.

You'll notice, by the way, that I am wearing a skirt. This is my 12th day in a row wearing a skirt. Why? Not because of the Amish thing I mentioned before. No. Because I have decided I look like crap in shorts. Plus, our company's dress code won't let us wear shorts to work. So a skirt is how I keep cool.

Curiously, the dress code policy doesn't mention whether or not you have to wear underwear. That's unrelated. (Or is it?)

4. You should probably use the correct guage of wire and the same kind of beads if you want to get the same results. I didn't because, as I mentioned, this wire was already strung with beads. And I have a bracelet made from these beads that I thought would be nice to match the necklace to. But this wire was a little stiffer than the wire called for in the pattern, so that made the process a little more difficult than it needed to be.

I think I will try this again soon, using a finer wire and these amethyst beads. Now that I know how not to do this, it should go much smoother!

Friday FO

2011-07-15T19:53:00.002-04:00

Friday. The most holy of all holy days. I love Friday. Friday makes me dance. Even knowing I work in our game store on Saturday, I love Friday. Even knowing I will spend most of the weekend doing laundry and dishes and other heinous housework, I love Friday.

There’s just something so nice about Friday.

Friday is usually my day for mindless knitting. Sometimes you need a little mindless knitting. Just sit on the couch (which, by the way, has not eaten any knitting needles at all, unlike that old couch) with a cat on your lap and needles in your hands, and whack out a garter stitch scarf while you watch Supernatural. That’s a good Friday.

So, this is one that I’ve been doing. It’s garter stitch, no top secret methods here. Nice chocolate brown yarn—I’m pretty sure it’s Simply Soft—and some leftover Yarn Bee. I didn’t even measure. Just knit a bit, change yarn, knit some more, change yarn… Again, not a top secret method.

But it’s nice. I like the color combo. And I like the use of novelty yarn as an accent.

Back From The (Metaphorical) Dead

2011-07-13T23:25:00.005-04:00

Alas, I have been away too long, leaving you--my gentle reader--to wonder what has become of your dear Patwoman. Have I folded under the stress of weeding out the one job seeker in twenty who can follow simple instructions? Have I collapsed under the weight of my ever-growing yarn stash? Have I been spirited away by a playful bat-suitor?

No. My neighbor cut my cable line with his lawn mower. Such is the excitement of my life.

Actually, it's been very frustrating. And certainly disappointing to know that there is no courtesy in this society. (I actually knew that, trust me. But every now and again that fact is proven to me materially, just so I remember.)

Let me say first that I, personally, have never chopped through a cable line with a lawn mower (or anything), so I'm speaking theoretically here. But let's say I did. I--having been raised with manners, if nothing else--would apologize. "I'm sorry." That lets the cable owner know you sympathize. It's a crappy situation. The tree root brought the improperly buried cable up above the ground and I didn't see it. Now, even though I didn't mean to do it at all and would never do that to you, you are without cable. That sucks. I'm very sorry.

Or you can be my neighbor. "That's not my problem. The cable shouldn't have been above ground." Yes, we know that, jackass. I'm not expecting you to reattach the cable with your own hands. I just think it's only common politeness to say, "I'm sorry" when you do something that causes someone else damage or inconvenience.

Also, I have never run a cable service center. (But I have run multiple customer service departments of small to multi-million dollar businesses, so I might know a little something about this.) I just think the response should be "Let's schedule a time for our service crew to get out and replace the line."

Not Comcast's responses of "It's not our fault. The cable shouldn't have been above ground." and "We're not getting anyone out there for over a week." And it's an insulting spit in the face (but not wholly unexpected from Comcast) to say "While I have you on the phone, have you considered adding phone service to your cable and internet package?"

No, Asshat. The phone is the one thing I've got that works right now. If I had phone service through you, not only would I have no television or internet right now, but I'd have no phone, as well. WTF are you thinking?

Never mind. I know what they're thinking. They're thinking, If Patwoman has no phone, she can't call and complain about the rude condecension and substandard product she's paying out the bahooey for.

So, long story short...and trust me, I could go on...I have had no internet or cable for so long, I might as well be Amish now.

And I'm very disappointed in the lack of service in customer service. And the lack of courtesy in society in general. And the lack of accountability overall.

Shopping Trip

2011-07-05T18:00:00.002-04:00

Yes I know. I don't need any more yarn. But when you come across a yarn sale like this, you just have to. And, I have been so good this year, not buying a whole lot and using mostly from my stash.

I have!Don't you judge me!

I swung by JoAnn and found all this yarn on sale:

8 Naturally Caron Country
9 Patons Decor
4 Bernat Satin
1 Red Heart Eco Ways
3 Lion Brand Hometown USA
1 Patons Beehive Baby Chunky
26 skeins

Are you ready for this? $.97 each. That's right. The whole haul was $28.02, including sales tax. Booyah! That's a clearance sale, Michaels. Take a lesson.

(That's my new couch, by the way, in the background. So far, it has eaten 0 knitting needles. New Couch and I are getting along just fine.)

Happy Fourth of July

2011-07-04T18:30:00.002-04:00

We celebrated yesterday, actually, since R and T both had to work today. As per the usual summer holiday celebration at ~~Patwoman's secret hideout~~ my house, we played a highly competetive game of croquet, full of smack talk, sabotage, crude gestures, and incendiary victory dances.

Sadly this year, I did not win. I like it better when I win. You can see one problem from this picture: the grass was too high. Now, we had cut that grass a mere 36 hours before. But all the rain in Central Indiana has made my yard a jungle-wannabe.

It was still fun, though. Some highlights:
Eric, systematically either passing a wicket or knocking another player's ball each turn.

M, dancing and singing "I'm Germany. I will conquer all of you."

Sharon's first time playing croquet, first time playing it the way we play it, and first time witnessing the good-natured comedy of our poor sportsmanship.

R, hoping she will not hold that against him.

My game was seriously off. I hit the ball like I was not even familiar with the concept.

And T took all the pictures. (And eventually won.)

A good time was had by all.

To Felt Or Not To Felt

2011-07-03T18:25:00.003-04:00

This clutch could very well have gone on a What Is It? post. Because I have no idea what it's made of. Usually I can tell wool vs acryllic, just by the way it feels. But for some reason, it just feels like it could go either way. And I knit this so long ago, the band is long gone and I don't remember, so no help there.

I found the end that was worked in, though, and snipped a little bit to test. first I tried to felt it a little with my fingers, but there just wasn't enough to do that.

But, remember all those crazy yarn snobs who insist you can't make baby blankets out of acryllic? Their concern is that wool only smokes, but acryllic melts. (I say, if your baby's on fire, you've got bigger fish to fry, so to speak.) But that should be a pretty decisive test, right? I held the piece in a pair of pliers and lit it with a fireplace lighter. It neither smoked, nor melted. It just turned to ash. What's that mean?

Sigh. You know my motto:

Okay, well I don't actually have a motto that pertains to this. But it's just yarn, right? So I threw it in the washer, thinking it will either felt, or it will get really, really clean.

And the verdict is...

It is wool. And here is the felted clutch.

Add a magnetic clasp, and a painted shell charm, and this is a pretty sweet little clutch.

Holiday Weekend

2011-07-02T16:24:00.006-04:00

The 4th of July is always a great holiday for me. You know how much I love to see stuff blow up. And fireworks, too.

But it's also nice because this year it's a 3 day weekend. We'll get together with R and M, and Sharon and Eric, and we'll do our traditional grilled cheeseburgers and Killer Croquet. It's a cutthroat game, really. It always involves swearing, smack talk, crazy victory dances, and minor property damage. Oh yes. I will pass the wicket to knock your ball out. That's how we play.

And I plan to get stuff done this weekend. For example, R and M have left the nest, and I still do not have a yarn room. (I know! You're thinking, "Who are you, and what have you done with Patwoman?")

I'm planning to do some crafty-type things, too. Things I've wanted to do for a while and just haven't had the chance. I've got a bagful of Scrabble Tiles and some Dimensional Magic calling my name, for instance.

And writing. Always the writing. I set aside the werewolf story I was working on because I wasn't happy with some of the story mechanics. Sometimes, you have to put things away for a while and then go back to them with new eyes. (Ew. That's kind of a gross expression, isn't it?) Anyway, I worked on a bunch of other stuff in the meantime--mostly game-related. But now, I think I know what I want to do with it. At least, I knew enough to sit down and chunk out 5K words of outline today. So that's encouraging.

One thing I will not be doing is relaxing. I don't much like relaxing. Not because I don't enjoy relaxing, mind you, but because it takes so much effort to come back up to speed once you've relaxed. Plus, I'm pretty much held together by tension, so relaxing is almost traumatic.

Besides, I'm always wary of relaxing on holiday after last time. Relax in beautiful Isla Nublar, my ass!

Friday (almost) FO

2011-07-01T17:30:00.003-04:00

I came across Olgajazzy's site the other day and found this knitted necklace. It really appealled to me because it seemed kinda Celtic and kinda Viking... And then I realized Yeah, because it's a braid. Isn't it funny when your brain just makes a leap like that? (In my case, I think it doesn't so much leap as it more or less trips and falls a great distance.)

Anyway, a fantastic lady, Michelle passed away this week.(You remember Michelle from this post? And this one?) I am just so devastated by it. She was so full of life, I just can't believe she is never gonna laugh or quote Michael Scott from The Office to me again. So basically, I just really wanted to do something almost mindless. Or conversely, something that completely occupied my mind.

I did both. I worked like an obsessed person this week--not that I don't work hard all the time, but I really got a buttload of stuff done. And I didn't think about much of anything else.

And I knitted this necklace. It's relatively mindless knitting. Mostly it's a strip of stockingette with a YO every so often. Well, it's two strips like that. And then they're woven together and it makes this lovely braid. Olga suggests using a luxe yarn like silk or alpaca, since it's going at the neck. But, I definitely don't want anything hairy at my throat (Somewhere Michelle is saying "That's what she said!") because I don't want to be itchy all day. So I used some cotton.

I was thinking this would be really pretty with the addition of a pearl at the base of each YO. I might try that next time. Oh yeah, and I have to get some sort of bead or button for the clasp. But other than that, it's a FO, so I'm gonna call it 99%.

Friday FO

2011-06-24T23:23:00.002-04:00

Just a plain ol' red scarf. But this yarn is fluffy and it's very soft. This is just what I've been doing as I've been watching television. It's 5 feet long, so it's a good length for a scarf, and I've still got about half a skein left.

I think this yarn would look good paired with a black yarn of similar texture for a stripedy scarf. Hm. Maybe I'll do that next.

BTW, say goodbye to the crappy couch. My new one arrives tomorrow morning. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go turn this monster over and gut it so I can retrieve all the knitting needles it's eaten over the years.