This Is Not About Kanye

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty damn sick of hearing about Kanye West. Yes, it was bad manners, but sheesh, people. Shut up about Kanye, already. Why do you think he did it in the first place? He doesn’t give a flying fat rat’s ass about Beyonce’s video, he just wants people to talk about Kanye.

So no more. And no more about Jon and Kate, either. And while we’re at it, let’s all shut the hell up about Megan Fox. I don’t know any of these people. (And you know it’s only fun to trash people you actually know.)

What I really want to talk about is the surprising number of zombies I am seeing lately.

Okay, maybe they’re not actual zombies. But maybe they are? It’s so hard to tell. I’m driving to work in the morning and I see one every now and then, shuffling along deadly at the side of the road near the bus stop. They don’t even look at the traffic passing them.

Or I’m driving someplace at night and see them shambling along the side of the road, staring off into the dark. And yeah, they could be out late at night for some legitimate reason (after all, I am coming back from a quarterly staff meeting myself, or the grocery store, or the gas station…) or they could just be drunk and walking—and in that case, thanks for not driving, zombies!

Of course, if you must have zombies, then shamblers are the ones you want. They’re easy to outrun, easy to confuse, afraid of fire, and can’t open doors or break window glass. So, as long as you stay in the car, you’re usually pretty safe.


I’m really only concerned because all the evidence is pointing to a mass zombie outbreak. Well, not actual evidence, but certainly stories that I’ve skimmed the headlines and then jumped to conclusions about. Like this one. If I know my Max Brooks, I'm pretty sure this is how the whole thing starts!

And there you sit, idly gossiping about Kanye.