Happy 2016

And good riddance 2015.

Sorry to worry you all with my absence. Thanks for your emails. I am fine. Things still suck, but I am dealing with it still hanging in there.

Have you ever seen the movie Open Water? Basically, this couple gets stranded in the middle of the ocean when their scuba group leaves them behind. They are in the open water, with no idea of where the shore is. They have no food or water; suffer dehydration, exhaustion, and exposure; are buffeted by waves and storms and probably pushed further and further out to see; meanwhile they are stung by jellyfish and attacked by sharks.

That's been my 2015. (And meanwhile, the ghost of my father is telling me to stop acting like a baby and snap out of it.)

Anyway, I'm trying to get to my feet, people. And you're going to help me. I'm going to post here all 2016 and try to be engaging and interesting. Hopefully, that will help me find my way to the shore.

In fact, I'm just going to try and structure everything for a while, just so I can do it and stop being paralyzed by the blackness. So, keeping that in mind, here are my 2016 goals:

1. Let go of the darkness. Easier said than done, but I need to find some happy things so I can come out into the light. I am so sad and angry and hopeless these days (again, this is not depression for no reason. My year has been filled with death and sickness of loved ones, financial upheaval, and large-scale change. If it weren't for T's support, I would have probably just gone nuts by now.) I find myself not even trying the things that have made me happy in the past (like writing this blog) and that's wrong. I need to focus on doing the positive things. I need to try and recognize when my head is slipping below the waves and try not to just let it happen.

2. Focus energy out, as well as in. I think people tend to focus energy in when they are trying to deal with sadness. Certainly, you have to do that. But I think you also have to focus energy out to others. It's what renews your energy. One of my goals this year is to be more active in things like charity knitting and crocheting. I, of course, donate to Warm Up America and Gleaners Food Bank regularly, but I want to do more. Not sure what, but I'd like to maybe do something like The Little Yellow Duck Project or Chase the Chill (I think that's what it's called.)

3. Keep learning. I want to increase my skills as a crafter. I want to learn more crafts. I want to read more. I want to write more. Pretty self-explanatory.

4. Be more active physically. If for no other reason than for the endorphin bump.

I know these are not very specific, but you know. Baby steps, right? Hang in there with me. Here's hoping 2016 gives 2015 what it deserves:

via GIPHY