Driving Lessons

So, I have commuted back and forth to work for 4 days now and I have come to one conclusion:

Most of you drive worse than I do.

And that's sad, people. Very sad. Because, where I don't drive well because I don't wear my glasses most of the time, a lot of people don't drive well because they are dumbasses. So, I am taking it upon myself to give you bad drivers some tips. Don't think of this as "Oh, Pat's going to vent all her road rage off onto us now." Think of it as "Oh thank you, Pat, for helping us to become better drivers with your helpful driving lessons."

Lesson 1: You are not invisible.
I can see you. I can see you when you pick your nose. And examine the booger. I can see you when you pick your ears. And examine the wax. I can see you when you pick your teeth. And examine the brocolli. You see where I'm going with this? You may have some purely scientific goals... research, or something... to be mining all your head cavities, but it's grossing me out.

Ditto the people who drive without clothing. No kidding. I don't think I should even have to mention this, but... sigh.

Oh, and those other things you do when there are two people in the car... Those are okay. You know, when the downtown traffic is like a parking lot, that kind of gives me some new scenery to look at.

Lesson 2: Drive the car.
Don't talk on the phone, put on your make up, put the last minute touches on this morning's presentation, or beat your kids. Just drive, okay? Seriously... do you think behind the wheel of a 2 ton SUV that is going 75 mph down the highway in morning rush hour traffic is an appropriate place to eat cereal? From a bowl? With a spoon? What could possibly go wrong with that?

Lesson 3: The Car Is Not A Singles Bar
I'm driving home, right? And I stop at this light and just turn my head - you know how you look left and right at an intersection? - and this guy is in a convertible next to me and he looks at me with one of those "Hey baby" looks.

WTF???

Okay, right now, scroll up and look at my profile pic. I'm *coughcough* years old, people. I was parked at a light in a 10 year old Chevy Mom-Mobile. Was he making fun of me? 'Cause I don't find that sh*t amusing.

Lesson 4: 2 Fast 2 Furious Is A Fictional Movie
Not real life. So don't drive like that in your '72 Pontiac, okay?



Oh yeah. The knitting content for my knitting blog...

I'm liking the snowflake lace on bigger needles. I hope to finish the shrug this week. I also want to get some of these other UFOs off my unfinished pile. That's going to be my goal for the week. To finish all my unfinished projects.

Ha! Ha! Ha! I crack myself up!