Depression Spiral (Hm. Kinda looks like a cinnamon roll, doesn’t it?)

You ever wonder why Notpatwoman models almost everything? It’s because I hate to see pictures of myself. Beyond the whole photographs-steal-your-soul thing, they also serve as a cruel reminder of how unkind my body has been to me. (And I to it.)

Jordan is leaving us at work, so we all took a picture together so she won’t forget us. (As if she could!) I would show it to you, but then you’d see the giant company logo behind us, and then someone from the company IT department might find it in a search and start reading this blog and then what would happen? OMG, who hired this crazy Patwoman lady? And then I will have to watch what I say, and where’s the fun in that?

What bothers me is that… well, yeah, I’m fat. But, you know, you can sometimes forget about that, if you’re not looking in a mirror or trying on jeans… or looking at a picture of yourself. Or apparently trying to wear a sweater you knitted without trying on… But I digress.

Here’s a question, though… Why is it a big deal? It is, right? It is to me. I feel like the 95 pound 17-year-old I used to be. And then, I see this... this horrible… proof!

There’s always a moment of denial, a quick Who the fuck is that? Then, a flash of pity for that poor woman with her chins and granny arms. Maybe even a quick Hey, what’s Aunt Lulu doing here? And then, you realize…..OMFG.

Oh, cruel age and metabolism, you suck ass!

Now I know some of you youngsters out there may be thinking “But Patwoman, why don’t you just diet and exercise?” Out of politeness, I will not respond. But I will take care of this in my own way:

Denial. I’m not fat. I’m fluffy.