A Letter From AW

My Dearest Patwoman,

Once again the New Year is upon us and, sadly, we are still apart. My heart is heavy with the time and distance that keep us apart. (Plus, your penchant for mischief which is, of course, contradictory to my own law-abiding lifestyle as a crimefighter.)

If only you would set aside your bad girl ways and use your powers for good! Think of what we could accomplish--you, the Awesometacular Patwoman, and me, TV's Original (and still the best) Batman. Why, we'd be The Dynamic-er Duo!

Oh Patwoman! What are you waiting for? Join me! Together we will strike fear in the hearts of evildoers... and yarn snobs.

But if you will not turn away from your miguided ways, if you continue to flaunt society's ideals of decent and proper knitting, then I will have no choice but to meet you on the the battlefield of honor. (And that could be fun, too. Because, Dear Patwoman, you know the kind of things I am likely to pull from my Bat-Utility Belt.)

But enough of this verbal foreplay! The challenge is issued, my Darling Patwoman. Join me, or face the consequences.

I remain, of course, yours in imagination, if nowhere else.

AW

****

My Dear Adam,

I think, deep down, you know I can never be what you want me to be. Birds gotta fly. Fish gotta drink. Patwoman gotta... uh, what do I do?

No matter. But what would I be if I no longer poo-poo'd the Do Not Touch signs? If I no longer vandalized those call-out signs outside of local businesses? If I stopped substituting alternate yarn in patterns I've downloaded from official yarn company websites?

Would you even want me then, Adam? I suspect my bad girl personna--that forbidden fruit you crave--is at least 37.5% of your attraction to me. (12.5% is my incredible Patwoman physique and the other 50% is pure imagination on both our parts!)

No, I know that my attraction to you is in large part due to your rigid (Oh wait, that's not dirty.) rigid adherance to the rules, your vigilance against wrong-doing, your unfaltering allegiance to the truth, and your general fine upstanding (Crap! Neither is that! What's wrong with me?) upstanding citzenry. In short, you are the flame of justice, Adam. And I, the moth, am very attracted to your blazing hot fire but still must stay away or be consumed.

Hm. On the other hand, a little heat is kinda nice on a cold January day. And I wouldn't mind seeing a couple of those utility belt items again...


Call me.


Patwoman