English Is The Funniest Language

True dat. And I’m not even going to get into dialect. (Like, if you want to get punched in the throat, tell me the President lives in Warshington. Or just axe me if he does.)

No, I mean, I love expressions and the way they evolved. Like zounds from God’s wounds, or hoist by his own petard. (It was a long time before I actually knew what a petard was. I thought it was something else.)

M and I watched Young Frankenstein the other day. (Let’s not even talk about the awesome geniusness that is Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder.) But there is this great line where Dr. Frankenstein says “Damn your eyes!” and Igor replies “Too late.” So easy. It really is the low-hanging fruit of jokes. But still I laughed.

Then I started thinking about the evolution of such a phrase. Why would someone say that in the first place? My friend Google is not much help with this phrase, mainly because no one seems to know its origin.

I’m thinking it was some childish argument…

Damn your impertinence.

Damn your interfering.

Damn your black heart.

Damn your eternal soul.

Yeah, well, damn your… uh… your… uh…damn your eyes!

It’s such an exquisite curse. It’s harsh. It’s specific. And it’s cryptic as hell. What does that even mean, damn your eyes? Why my eyes? Why not damn my inquisitive mind? Why not damn my smartass attitude or my borderline insubordination?

Damn your eyes is the kind of thing that first of all lets you know you’ve been cursed at and second of all makes you go WTF? In fact, I think damn your eyes is just a little worse than anything else you could damn, just because of its huh? factor.

That is so my new expression.