Patwoman’s Movie Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

NOTE: There may or may not be spoilers here. You know how I am. I just say it as I think of it. Read at your own risk, but you don’t want to take a chance on any spoilers, don’t read yet. Because I do want you to go see this.

Okay, on with the review.

First of all, let me say Hugh Jackman rules. Do not take anything in this post as a criticism of my boy Hugh, because I would never. I have enjoyed him ever since Paperback Hero, which I saw on cable years before X-Men. (And don’t you just love the idea of a manly man writing romance novels in his spare time?) And I’m not just saying that to be all “I’ve been a Hugh fan longer than you” or anything. I just want you to know I’ve seen him in lots of different roles, not just Wolverine.

Secondly, Origins is a great idea. It was a great idea for a comic and a great idea for a movie. If it’s done correctly. Think about how craptacular Enterprise was and you’ll know what I mean. You can’t mess with the established story.

That being said, we all know Marvel does that all the time. They start telling a story and make it wilder and wilder and then, when the writers can’t think of a way to tie up all the ends (or maybe they get bored with it) or a new writer takes over the title, suddenly it was all a dream sequence. Or an alternate reality. Or something happens to make time restart at an earlier level.

Whatever. So I’m inclined to be a little lenient about “fudging the timeline.”

What I’m not okay with is bad writing. And OMG the writing is baaaad. Not just terrible dialogue, but bad writing. Like, if we know that only adamantium bullets will hurt the adamantium man, why not give the best marksman in the world the adamantium bullets when you send him after Logan? Why send him with regular armaments if you know they won’t work? Why save the adamantium bullets for the dumbass who 1)can’t shoot for toffee and 2)doesn’t have the common sense to load the gun before he might need to use it?

Bad writing.

Like “the guards called him Gambit because he kept winning all their money at poker.” Did the writers not have a dictionary? Because a gambit is a strategy. It’s not gambling. Now, you might argue that the guards were ignorant thugs and didn’t know what gambit meant. Okay. But it’s still a stupid name, if that’s the reason you’re naming him that. How about Ace? How about Lucky? How about Chips? How about Louisiana Pete?

Personally, I like the name Gambit—a risky maneuver—because that fits the character pretty well. So why not "They called him Gambit, because he was always taking a chance on things." ? And the actor did a good job. It would’ve been nice to give him a little more screen time, for those viewers who weren’t familiar with him, but still and all I liked his portrayal. And not too bad to look at, either.

And Liev Schreiber was great. I’ve always found him a little creepy, since his turn in Phantoms (excellent). And when I heard he was playing Sabertooth, I went, huhwhat? But he bulked up nice. And really brought some dimension to the role. (I absolutely despised the portrayal in the first X-Men of Sabertooth as a monosyllabic animal.) So good job, Liev. I hope they do more with Sabertooth.

Liev also gets the best line of the movie. “Nobody kills you but me.”

And, as I said previously, Hugh Jackman rules. Just one more picture, ‘cause I like to look at it. He really has Wolverine in his heart. I’ve been a Wolverine fan since I first met T and read all his comic books in his dorm room. And Hugh just knows him. So good job, Hugh.

And the action rocks. The action alone is enough to see the movie. (If only there were more shirtless fighting!) The action almost makes up for the bad writing.

And I say almost because of the ending. (The one before the credits.) I was so disappointed in the ending. And it was 100% because of what they did to Deadpool. (Well, that, and a certain amount of “that’s the last straw.” )

Now Ryan Reynolds did a great job. They should’ve given The Merc With A Mouth more lines—I’m thinking he should be at least as mouthy as his Blade 3 character was. But, he looked good. Action was good. He was perfectly cast in that role.

But the writers… sigh. I almost stood up and walked out during that shitactular ending. I actually said WTF out loud. (But not the letters, the words.) It was okay, because I think about half the audience did too. And the alternate endings after the credits? Well, that’s not going to make me pop another $10 to go see it again.

So, let me sum up… It was a fun movie because of the action and the actors’ work. But it was not a fantastic movie. I didn’t leave it feeling the way I did after the Spider-Man or Dark Knight or Watchmen.

Understand, I read that there is a 2nd Wolverine movie in the works and I think that’s a great thing. I will definitely see it. And I read that there is a Deadpool movie in the works. Ryan Reynold’s comments about it lead me to believe he would like to reboot the whole Deadpool storyline so that it would be… right.

Really looking forward to the Star Trek movie this weekend, too. I’ll tell you all about that.