Patwoman’s Job Hunting Tips

It’s been a while, so some of you may have forgotten all the advice I’ve previously given you. (This is not a complete list, btw. Things that I’ve told you in the past like Don’t pick your nose/ears/teeth in the interview and Don’t come to my office reeking of pot and Do wear shoes, not flip flops all still hold true. These are simply more tips for you to utilize in your job search.)

1. Know what job you are applying for. If I have posted an ad for a Warehouse Clerk, your objective statement should not say “To obtain an IT position at a major electronics company.” Since I am not looking for an IT guy and I am not recruiting for a major electronics company, I say… Good luck in your job search, dude.

While we are talking about objective statements, let me just say I think they do nothing but take up room on a resume. I know you want to work for a company that values you. I know that you want to use your knowledge and experience. I know that you want to work in a stable environment. Do you think anybody’s objective statement ever says “To work in an uncertain environment, for a company that treats me like crap, with no opportunity for advancement and in a position which doesn’t relate in any way to what I’ve done before.”? Seriously?

2. Don’t apply for jobs that you are ridiculously unqualified for. I’ve listed the job requirements in the ad. If it says experience with Access is required, then experience with Access is required. If it says three years experience in a financial industry is required… Well you know. It’s not enough to have worked as a line cook at Burger King and dream of being a Financial Advisor. You need to have experience doing the actual job.

Could you learn it? Could you be a good Financial Advisor with the proper training and mentoring? I don’t know. Maybe. But you have no experience. But let me say this. If you are working at Burger King and want to move into a financial field, why not start with an entry level position where you could gain some experience and possibly move up in a few years? You wouldn’t decide on Tuesday to become a doctor and then apply to become Chief of Staff at Cedars Sinai on Wednesday, right?

3. I’ve said this before, but obviously some of you didn’t listen: Spelling. Come on, people. At least spell the name of your previous employers correctly. I know it seems like a preposterously high expectation, but if you worked there for two years, you ought to be able to spell the company name. And run the spell check, for crap’s sake. But don’t rely solely on spell check. Spell check can’t tell the different between hat and cat, okay?

Hm. Unless the resume I got this week was from a candidate who had actually steam blocked cats at Von Maur. Then, I stand corrected.

4. And, once again… Do not correct me on the proper way to say my name. I’m serious about that one.