If you're not knitting, the terrorists win

(My mostly on-topic ramblings about knitting. And life in general. My life in specific.)

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Location: Indiana, United States

I'm a middle aged mother of 2 grown children and wife to a man who doesn't seem to mind my almost heroin-like yarn addiction. I spend my time writing, knitting, and generally stressing out.

Monday, May 09, 2016

Mom Jeans, Mom Butt

I have to admit something. I have never really been sure what "Mom Jeans" are. I have only empirical evidence to go on. Like, one time when I wore new jeans to work, someone commented that I shouldn't be self conscious about them because, hey, they have a pair of Mom Jeans, too. Or one time someone said I "rocked the Mom Jeans." Or that one time when that heinous bitch at work told me I should buy some more stylish clothes.

So, with all that in mind, I have just always assumed Mom Jeans were something horrible to be avoided. But, you know, it's a little hard to avoid them if you don't know what they are, right?

So I was interested to find a Pin on Pinterest about how to get the best jeans for your body and how to avoid Mom Jeans. This blogger had posited that everyone could look better in Non-Mom Jeans. She set about proving it by taking photos of herself in Mom Jeans and in Non-Mom Jeans and then showing how and why the Non-Mom Jeans looked better. Further, she took along her 50-something mom and did the same for her.

So, I learned a couple of things. First, apparently Mom Jeans are primarily defined by the 1) length of the zipper (should be less than 4") and 2) position of the back pockets (Mom Jeans' back pockets end above the bottom of your buns and Non-Mom Jeans' back pockets end below the bottom of your buns). Just FYI, checking out the jeans I wear... 2 pairs have the low back pockets; one has higher pockets. All three pairs have zippers about 4.5 inches long.

Honestly, how can this be comfortable?
Secondly, as I use what I've learned to look at how other jeans are worn by other women, I don't necessarily think the Non-Mom Jeans are best. Most of the women I see wearing Non-Mom Jeans end up with a pretty severe muffin top. Like bakery-style muffins. I don't know if that's because the jeans are so low, or because the women are wearing them too small. But only a small percentage are wearing jeans that don't give them a pretty significant muffin top. (For the record, two of my jeans also give me a muffin top, but not nearly as bad as I've seen--maybe because my jeans are not too tight?)

So imagine this in a pair of jeans. That's what
I mean by "Potato Butt."
Most of the women I see wearing Non-Mom Jeans also have what I call "Potato Butt." That's when your jeans are so tight and so low that your buns are the shape of a potato on its side. It's really unattractive. Again, I think this is because of too-small pants. My pants do not give me Potato Butt.

On the other hand, most of the Mom Jeans-wearers have flattish, squarish butts. One pair of mine does that. My butt is not flat and square, so I guess that's the jeans.

What's my takeaway from all this? I guess it's what I knew all along--buy the jeans that make your butt look good, but make sure they fit. 

I suppose I have just gotten a little complacent in my age, just getting jeans without really thinking much about them. If I look at my jeans in terms of the strict definition of Mom Jeans, they are all three Mom Jeans, just by the length of the zipper alone. But if I go by which fit and look good on me, without potato butt, without muffin top, and with low pockets, I have one pair that really work for me.

And yes, technically, they are Mom Jeans. But I have a Mom Butt. So it works.


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