Patwoman's Job Hunting Tips

1. Don't threaten the recruiter. Don't tell me I will give you a job or I have to give you a job or you know people or anything of that nature. That usually gives me a really creepy/annoyed feeling about you.


2. Don't tell the recruiter you're desperate. That just sounds... well, desperate.

3. Don't expect me to offer you a job you're not qualified for. If I'm looking for at least three years experience and you've never held a job before... you're not qualified. No amount of arguing with me will make you qualified, either.

4. Don't show up way late, or way early. As annoying as coming 15 minutes late is, it's even more annoying when you show up an hour early. Listen: it doesn't seem eager. At best, it says "I'm desperate." At worst, it says "I'm more important than you are, so we'll do things when I'm ready."


5. Do wear deoderant. But don't wear perfume or cologne. Not everyone wants to be trapped in a room with someone dripping Baby Phat. Y'feel me?

6. Do brush your teeth. Don't smoke before your interview. You see how my eyes are watering? That should be telling you something.

7. Don't tell me you have a gun in the car. For any reason. Even if you do. a)That's very threatening. b)That's a little crazy. Who brings a gun to a job interview? c)That's grounds for termination. d)There are children in the area. You can't leave a gun in your car. e)That's crazy. (It needed to be said again.)


8. Don't pick your nose. Or your ears. Or your teeth. Or your butt. You know why. Just don't.

I swear. Sometimes I feel like I'm being punked.