Self Doubt

So I decided to work on some Christmas gifts. This is a scarf I am working on for R. I wanted a Celtic design, but couldn’t seem to find a pattern I liked. (And I am definitely not clever patient enough to create the pattern myself.


But then I remembered—aha!—that I have this book:
And this book has all kinds of cable patterns in it, including some that are decidedly Celtic-looking. This particular pattern is the wide pattern motif from the man’s sweater. It’s pretty much exactly what I am looking for. I added 2 purl stitches and a knit stitch (which I slipped at the beginning of every row, because I like the edge that gives you) to accentuate the pattern a little more.

After I finished the first pattern repeat, I held it up and looked at it and thought “I am so good. This looks so sharp. He will love this.” Then, feeling all smug and pleased with myself, I held it up to T and said “What do you think?”

“Too skinny.” He says.

So I look at it again. Is it too skinny? R doesn’t like the scarves that bunch up and fold over on themselves, so I don’t want to add too much width. But I don’t want it to be so narrow that it’s useless. Plus, I had knit this pattern repeat before, with 2 purl stitches on either side of the cable motif and then a 6 stitch cable on either side and 2 garter stitches on the edges. Like, 42 stitches across. That ended up too wide, definitely.

But now I’m doubting it. So I get the scarf I knit him for Christmas last year and compare it. It’s the same width. And he loves this scarf.

But doubts linger. And I’m paralyzed into inaction. It’s a complex cable pattern. I don’t want to knit any more on it if I’m just going to rip it out. And I don’t want to rip it out if it’s perfectly fine.

Aaarrgh. But it’s not perfectly fine, is it? It is too narrow. Even if it’s the same size as the other one. It just looks too narrow. Hmph! And it rolls a little bit on the edges. So what now?

I’m going to frog it and start over, of course. All this internal discourse is just denial. I knew I was going to frog it the second T said “Too skinny.”

Damn it. Knitting sucks.