I Don’t Like Geese

…but they don’t deserve to die. It really bothers me that people think nothing about hitting an animal in their car. I avoid hitting animals when I can do it without endangering human life. I mean, I wouldn’t crash my car into a ditch to avoid a squirrel or I wouldn’t cross the center line and hit someone else or drive someone else off the road. But I would swerve to miss the animal if I could.

Yesterday, on the way to work, there were two geese crossing the road. It’s a stretch of road next to an apartment complex where there is a retention pond (and so, geese). Geese are always along that road. They have nests and baby geese and all that stuff every young goose dreams of when she is just a gosling. And these two geese were crossing the road yesterday morning on foot. I swerved to easily avoid them, just like most of the other cars.

Let me stop here and assure you, in case there is any doubt, I am not saying geese are the paragon of the animal kingdom, okay? They are stupid. How many times have you seen a goose make a nest in the worst place possible? The parking lot of the movie theatre? The drainage ditch along a busy road? The tree lawn at the mall? It’s like they just go “Oh, honk. I’m tired. This is as good a place as any for a nest.”

Geese are mean. Maybe not all geese, but certainly every goose that I’ve ever come across. “Here’s some bread, Goosey.” And it’s “Honk. I’ll kill you! But leave the bread, okay?” And apparently, they can snap that bill pretty hard—although I wouldn’t know, because I don’t approach animals that warn me off with death threats. I just kinda drop the bread and run.

And geese are dirty. Oh yes. Don’t even argue with me here. Most animals will drop poo discretely. They want to make sure a predator doesn’t find them or they just don’t want poo near their food or their young. But geese (and most birds) drop poo wherever they happen to be. When they are flying. Where they are standing. When they are walking. While they are eating. Take a walk around that retention pond at the apartment complex and you will see what I mean.

So, it’s not that I like geese. I just think, when a person sees geese crossing the road, they should not speed up in order to hit both of them in one go. That’s sick. If that is okay with a person, what else is okay?

Think about that.