Patwoman's Job Hunting Tips

1. I have a name. Use the one I tell you to call me. Not Hon. Not Sweetie. Not Babe. Not Pam. Not Patrick. And not Gurl. (As is "Gurrrrrrl, I need a job.") True stories, all.

2. Don't smoke. I'll be blunt. You stink when you smoke.
Regardless of the smoke smell--which is stronger than you think, trust me--smoking dries out your mouth and tongue. Dry mouth = bad breath pretty quickly. It's not fun for me to sit across from you when you are scorching my eyebrows with your breath. It makes me want to cut the interview short so you will stop breathing on me. Understand?

Use a breath spray, mouthwash, Tic Tac, whatever. Or better yet, don't smoke.

3. Turn off your cell phone. Why do I keep having to say this over and over? Let's just assume for a second that you don't have some "Smack That Ho" ringtone. Let's say it's a normal, comes-with-the-phone ring.


Hear's what you hear: Ring Ring.
Hear's what I hear: "I don't care about this interview."

Now, if you answer the phone during our interview and it's not something very, very important (like "OMG this is the Fire Department that services my neighborhood!") it reflects very badly on you.

You may say: "I'll just answer it and tell them I'll call them back."
I hear: "This might be something more important/interesting than this job interview."

Turn the cell phone off.

4. Show me you can/will/want to do the job. Sure, you say you want a job. You say you will work. You say you are capable. But if I ask you to complete an application and you say "Can't you just get all that information from my resume," guess what that says to me?