My Dog Is A Brat

My dog, General Nuisance, has been such a brat lately. In the past few weeks, she has:

• Helped herself to a cup of milk and 2/3 of a package of Oreo cookies someone left on the coffee table.
• Helped herself to a can of Coke someone left on the coffee table.
• Helped herself to a package of gum she got from I don't know where.
• Gotten on top of the table and drank the rest of R's coffee. (Probably because he drinks it with so much sugar.)
• Opened a case of Coke that was on the floor next to the fridge, spilled all the cans out, bit a can open and drank all the Coke. (I know this because the can was not open, but was empty. There was no Coke on the floor.)

She has also gotten poor T up in the middle of the night with urgent "pee-barking," then just stood on the porch, confused.

If she were not so crazy-senile, I would think something was wrong with her. But she has also, for the last year or so, started getting confused when she turns around in her sleep and wakes up facing the wall. And she seems to be losing her hearing and vision, too.

She's an old doggy, so I can't be too mad at her. But really. Coke and Oreos? You've gotta think those are bad for dogs.