I Dreamed About Singing

Let me preface this by saying I cannot sing. Not a note. I'm the proverbial can't-carry-a-tune-in-a-bucket person that you hate to be near when everyone is singing the National Anthem or Happy Birthday or Amazing Grace.

It's not that I'm tone deaf... I can hear exactly what it sounds like. It's not that I don't know where the notes are supposed to be. I know exactly what it's supposed to sound like. It's that I just can't make my voice make those sounds. I'm just a bad singer.

It's okay, really. I have many other fine qualities. I just wanted you to realize how weird these dreams were.

So, last night I dreamed that I was performing onstage at some big event. I was singing the National Anthem and not doing too bad of a job of it. Still, I felt pretty awkward because I had not wanted to be the one to sing the anthem in front of everyone and I was missing a few notes. Then I get to the very end of the song (home of the brave) and for some reason God only knows, I decided to American Idol it.

You know what I mean... where you just run through every note you can possibly hit at the top of your lungs because you think it makes you sound like you can sing. Normally, this is pretty horrible when people who actually can sing do this. But when I did it... well, it was bad. And as embarrassed as I was, I just. Kept. Going. Until finally, I was booed off the stage.

Then I dreamed that I was part of a marching band performance. But I hadn't marched in, like... well, let's just say two children have been born and grown up in that time, okay? Anyway, I was made Right Guide. Everyone guides off of me. Again, I wasn't doing too bad of a job, until I decided to do some fancy moves. Then, I just screwed up until they kicked me out.

So then, I'm on stage again. This time, as part of a group. (That's good. Other people's voices can cover up mine. Or I can just lip sync. No one will be the wiser.) And I'm in the back. (Again, that's good. Lip syncing is definitely doable now.) And, again, it all goes well. The audience enjoys the performance and even applauds.

Then I decided to do a little scat solo during the final notes of the song. I think you can guess what happened.

Weird dreams. Obvious stress dreams. But why am I dreaming them? I don't have performance anxiety stress. I'm certainly not trying to do something I know I can't. Why am I singing?

One last dream. I dreamed I was sleepwalking and singing. In my dream, I was aware that I was asleep and sleepwalking. And that I was singing. I even thought it was a little funny. And I hoped that I wasn't singing in my sleep while dreaming about singing in my sleep.

Argh. At least it's not the dream where you have to pee and can't find a bathroom. Those are the worst.