The Episode Where Patwoman Is Abused By Hair Stylists

This post is going to be all about my hair. So if you are not interested in a rant about the color or the gem-topped bobbie pins I made for my hair for R's wedding, you probably aren't going to be interested in this post.

So, the week of the wedding, I went to get my hair cut and colored at the salon I normally go to. I know. Probably shouldn't have waited until a few days before the wedding, but I had stuff to do, you know. I have a business to run, after all. Of course, my stylist left the salon a year ago to be a stay-at-home-mom, and there's never the same person twice at the salon now. (I need to find somewhere else to go!) So it's always a new person doing my hair.

I like to bring pictures of the hairstyle I'm going for. I try to get pictures from multiple angles. And I bring photos of me with the color I want. I used to have the formula saved in my phone, but then my phone just decided to eat all that info. And, apparently it's not on my iTunes either. What the heck? Anyway, you'd think the stylist could figure it out with all those pictures, right?

Let me just say right here that there were other things going on in that place that night. First of all, there were only two stylists working and no manager. Stylist #1 was doing my hair and Stylist #2 was hanging out. Stylist #2 was apparently going to go on vacation beginning the next day and wanted Stylist #1 to do her hair so she could get it done free. So, as Stylist #1 is doing my hair, Stylist #2 is turning other customers away because they are "booked up" for the rest of the night. (Meaning, Stylist #1 would be cutting and coloring Stylist #2's hair, using the salon's supplies and turning away paying customers.)

This is not my business. I suppose that's between them and their employer. Here's the problem I have:

The first time #1 colors my hair (Yes, you read that correctly. The first time.) it turns out like this:

This is not me, by the way. This is just a photo I got from Google. I was frankly too shocked to take a picture of my own hair. Shocked by the way my hair looked, compared to how it should look, but also shocked by the Stylists' comments. #1 asked if I had been taking a lot of really harsh drugs, since that would affect how the color pulled on my hair. Then she said don't worry. These things happen. And that she could fix it.

#2, however, said it looked great, just like the picture. She thought the color really suited me and that it didn't need fixing. (Yes, because she wanted #1 to be done with me so she could get her free salon treatment on company time.) Apparently she doesn't think I know how to look in the damn mirror. #1 even said to her, "Are you crazy? No. I'm not happy with this at all." Let's be clear. If your hair is this color, I have nothing against it. It's just not the color I wanted.

The second time #1 colors my hair (again, no photo because I was in shock and almost in tears at this point) I still have the pink hair, but now I have roots this color:

Again, I'm shocked, upset, and starting to get angry. Mainly because #1 keeps telling me I must be doing some harsh drugs to make it pull like this. I assured her that, unless Tums is considered a harsh drug, there must be another reason.

Stylist #2 proclaims this color to be beautiful and very attractive on me. When #1 says she wants to redo it because she is really not happy with the color, #2 gets a little mad. She says she doesn't see a thing wrong with the color. It's exactly like the picture.

Really? You think that--orange roots and pink hair--looks like this?

That is the actual picture I showed the stylist.

Now, I should have left. I should have just said fine, fuck you, and left. I should have gone somewhere else and begged them to have mercy on me and fix my hair. But I was panicked at this point. And hideous. With my pink and orange striped hair. It's not even striped in a cool way. It's obvious someone messed up.

So when Stylist #1 whips up another batch of color, I numbly sat there while she slathered it on. This time, it turned out--not what I wanted, but at least not bad. I took this picture a few hours later at home.

I can tell you #2 was not happy that I had taken so much of her time. She not only didn't get the tips from the customers she turned away, but now she was going to have to stay after her shift was over in order to get her hair done.

Seriously. I need a new place to go.

Deep breath. Sorry. Still upset about it. But it's in the past. And I have since colored over that mess with a more suitable color. (I know that's reckless, but I figured if my hair didn't burn off at the roots after 3 colorings in a row, it's tougher than average hair and would be okay with one more corrective coloring.) So I am back to normal now.

I did go ahead with my planned hairstyle for the wedding, even though I was pretty sure my hair color was going to detract from ceremony enough without the addition of rhinestones. But I had made these special...

I took about a dozen bobbie pins and glued some rhinestones on them. Then I just inserted the bedazzled pins randomly into my hair, so that every now and then, the light would catch one of those stones and sparkle.

Okay. Well this post was mostly rant and a little craft. Ha! We'll get back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow.