Keanu Reeves, Ticklish Tigers, and Touchdown Jesus

Sometimes I just can't wait until I get home so I can tell you about my day. But you know, it's not always about me. Sometimes, I have to put aside my own needs and bitchiness observations and serve the public. So now, a public service announcement:

Keanu Reeves is depressed. He was photographed recently sitting on a park bench, head down, apparently lost in some very dark thoughts. That photo has prompted a FaceBook and YouTube campaign to Cheer Up Keanu.

Now I don’t think you’ve heard me talk about Keanu here, but I am a fan. (Except for the Matrix movies. WTF, Keanu?) So how can I sit idly by while Keanu is sad? The answer is, I can’t.

And neither can tons of other fans. They’ve Photoshopped pictures of Keanu with kittens, with Forest Gump, with the cast of Lost, etc. And though my Photoshop skills are not awesome I think I have one more way to cheer up Keanu…

Let’s get him Kinectimals for his Xbox 360! Check this out. Microsoft’s new game allows you to interact with (pet, play with, tickle) these “kinectimals,” the way you would interact with a real animal. Except, you probably wouldn’t let a real tiger lick your face. I once let a Siberian tiger lick my ankle, though. (I didn’t really let him. If a tiger wants to lick you, you just go with it, you know.) It’s not a pleasurable experience. Know how a cat’s tongue feels? Like that… times a hundred.

But still, I think just being able to pet the tiger and call it to you would be fun. I think Keanu would have fun with it. The game isn’t released until November, though. Hold on, Keanu!

Another crazy thing that happened this week was the burning of Touchdown Jesus. (Or, as I have always heard him called, Big Butter Jesus.) Backstory for those of you not in the Midwest: There’s a church on the road between Cleveland and Columbus (where I was licked by a tiger, by the way) that has had a ginormous Jesus coming out of a lake at the front of the church. You could see it from the highway. Scary.


Apparently, it was struck by lightning last night. Now this thing is stryofoam over a metal frame, and covered with fiberglass. So you know this thing burned and smoked like a … giant smoking, burning Jesus, I guess.

Maybe I’m seventeen different kinds of twisted, but my childhood Baptist indoctrination makes that both a frightening and intriguing mental image in my mind.