I Could Be Nostradamus

As you know, I'm a big fan of those disaster shows on History and Discovery. I don't know why, but if you put Apocalypse in the title of a show, I'm so there.

However, I'm always more amused than interested in those shows about how such and such disaster was predicted by ancient Chinese astronomers, the Mayans, the Bible, or Nostradamus. Because, seriously, so much time has passed and those "prophecies" are so vague, you can make them match pretty much any recent event you would like to.

For example, I've written a couple of prophecies for you:

On a day of bright sun, in the city that gave birth to a king,
One will come with dark intentions
And shatter the Age of Prosperity.

Or how about this:

In a city bisected by flowing water,
The sky will darken and disease will stalk the land.

You see? A city that gave birth to a king... Could be talking about an actual king and actual birth, or I could mean the city Elvis got his musical start in. And you know, there's always someone who comes with dark intentions and it usually damages prosperity for someone. And hey, don't a lot of cities have rivers running through them? And aren't there a million ways the sky could darken? And seriously, there are always diseases.

Those are sufficiently vague enough to fit a number of incidents. They are sufficiently dark enough to get attention. And they are sufficiently important-sounding enough to make someone want to make them fit an event after the fact.

It doesn't have to be doom and gloom, either. Check this:

At the dawn of The New Age,
Mankind and machinery are compatible partners.
Man realizes a level of intelligence not heretofore known.

Here's what I want you to do. Hang on to my prophecies. Give them some freaky name like The Uncanny Visions of Patwoman. And just wait about 500 years. Yeah. 500 years ought to do it.

Then see if my prophecies haven't come true.