If I Were...

If I were an animal, I'd be a tiger. Tigers are badass. Think about it. They're like the sharks of the land. But, a shark can't get you on land. And tigers... Well, tigers go wherever the hell they want to. Water included. What? Are you going to be the one to tell a tiger it can't swim? Because, my friend, I think that tiger might disagree with you. While it was eating you.

But listen, tigers would not only eat you, they would kill you slowly. They might even maim you a little and let their cubs "train" on you. Yeah, you'll be wishing a shark ate you then. At least with a shark it would be over soon. Tigers make it last.

Plus, tigers are cats so they're automatically awesome and smart. And they look good. I see no down side to being a tiger.

If I were a car, I'd be a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Not the best looking, but looks good. Not the toughest, but pretty tough. Not the fastest, but fast enough. Not the most popular, but not trying to be. Not the most expensive, but not cheap.

If I were a plant, I'd be the grass in my yard. Because then I could grow and grow and grow and never get cut. Ever.

If I were a tree, I'd be one of those trees that are covered in thorns and look really scary and mean. But those are also the trees that grow those really beautiful and sweet smelling flowers and produce those fantastic fruits that are so exotic and wonderful.

What? There's no such tree?

Shut up.