Harpo, Groucho, Chico and a Mean Old Dame

What's that from? Duck Soup, I think. Marx Brothers, at any rate. Here's how my train jumped onto that track...

I'm cruising the internet, looking at knitting porn, like always, you know. (It occured to me, as I was printing YET ANOTHER PATTERN... I'm never going to have time in my lifetime to knit all the patterns I've printed off. So, this was totally an exercise in... what? Futility? Disappointment?)


Today I printed a couple of vintage patterns I got from this site. I won't tell you which ones I printed. You can probably guess. I plan to mutate them horribly anyway. Mwah-ha-ha!

Oh, okay. It's the Vest and Panties pattern. Ha! I had so much fun with the lingerie I made up, I think I'll do some more. I'll have a whole knitted lingerie wardrobe. (Because that's just what I need... a bunch of FOs that no one but T will ever see.)

Hopefully. Just a piece of advice... if you knit a thong, don't leave it laying on the bookshelf in your bedroom. Your daughter could find it and then you'd have to listen to "WTH? Ew! I mean, Ew!" Jeez. I hadn't even worn them yet.

What? You think I just toss my undies up onto the bookshelf in the heat of passion? No, baby! I stuff those suckers into his pants pocket. "Come on, Hot Stuff! Lose the trousers or I'm startin' without ya!"

Ha. Ha. Lucky for me, my kids don't read my blog.

It's not true kids. It's fiction. Mommy's a writer, remember?

(my kids) *cough cough* I think I may have gotten a little carried away. Where was I?

Oh yes. Vintage patterns to Marx Brothers. I remember now.

Well, I go from that site to another and another and another... That's why I could never be a researcher. I'd love it. But I'd just start out researching something and then get distracted by something else, then something else. Pretty soon, I'd be so far off topic... Ooooh. Just like blogging.

Anyway, on one site, I see a pic of Harpo Marx. (Don't worry. I'd stopped thinking about knitted underwear LONG before I came across Harpo's pic.) And I read that, when they were not in character, he and Chico looked identical. Like, one time Chico is a guest on the TV show "I've Got A Secret." (No, I am NOT old enough to remember that. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU KIDS NOT TO READ MOMMY'S BLOG!") Chico's the guest, but he's dressed as Harpo. That's his secret: He's not Harpo. And he totally fooled all the panelists, including Groucho!

I loved Marx Brothers movies when I was a kid. Something about them... Groucho is tame by today's standard, but back then I didn't know anyone who made such overtly sexual innuendo. Especially, when you consider my mom would actually say "The F Word" when she said the f word. As in, "So he told the guy he was going to kick his *(whispered) THE F WORD* butt."

Of course, I swear as if, as a child, I was lost at a truck stop and then raised by sailors. Who had Tourrette's Syndrome. I'm such an embarassment to my kids. I see myself as a much cooler Carol Brady. Here's how they see me:

Marx Brothers. Oh yeah.

So anyway, Groucho would crack me up: "I'm willing to fight for the lady's honor. I'm pretty sure that's more than she ever did."

Ba-dum-bum!

Shocking.

I also read that Groucho, who had corresponded extensively with many literary giants, would end the most serious letter with a totally off the wall postscript. Classic. I gotta rent some Marx Brothers movies this weekend.

PS. Last night I dreamed I was naked and lost in a Cigar Store. What do you think that means?