Why Coffee Is Better Than Wine
So we had our big year-end celebration at work tonight. The company reserved a private room at a really nice restaurant and we had appetizers. They also gave us drink tickets for wine, which were immediately pounced on by those who know I don't drink wine.
Not that I don't like wine. It's okay, I guess. But I'm not going to drink it just because it's trendy to drink. I would have some maybe at a nice dinner, or on a date with T, or at a friend's party. Just not that into drinking at work functions, as a rule.
I know, you're thinking, "But Patwoman. Didn't you work for a bank? Aren't bankers the most notorious drinkers there are?" Yes. Yes, they are. But they drink cocktails. So that's a different story.
Not that I drank at the bank, either. Again, not that into drinking at work.
I hear people say, "Oh, I just want to go home, pour a glass of wine and relax." It's an odd concept. Maybe there's something weird about me, but at the end of the day, relaxing is not an issue. In fact, I'm so ready to relax by the time 5:00 comes along that there are times on the drive home that I find myself becoming a little too relaxed.
"Hello, T? Can you come get me? I'm just going to pull over here and take a nap in the parking lot of this McDonald's until you get here."
No, I don't need help relaxing at the end of the day. What I need is coffee.
Of course, I've always resented the time my body requires itself to be unconscious. It seems like such a waste of time. When I was a little kid--I don't actually remember this, but I've been told--I used to dig my fingernails into my palms so I could stay awake.
It's just always seemed to me that the night holds more interest. The TV shows are better, for instance, and there are fewer interruptions to what you are doing--whatever you are doing.
I'd probably make a good vampire, come to think of it. I dress in black a lot. I tend to go all angsty and emo if I get bored. And I look awesome in a cape. The only downside is that I don't sparkle and I don't date high school girls.
Oh wait, neither do vampires.
Not that I don't like wine. It's okay, I guess. But I'm not going to drink it just because it's trendy to drink. I would have some maybe at a nice dinner, or on a date with T, or at a friend's party. Just not that into drinking at work functions, as a rule.
I know, you're thinking, "But Patwoman. Didn't you work for a bank? Aren't bankers the most notorious drinkers there are?" Yes. Yes, they are. But they drink cocktails. So that's a different story.
Not that I drank at the bank, either. Again, not that into drinking at work.
I hear people say, "Oh, I just want to go home, pour a glass of wine and relax." It's an odd concept. Maybe there's something weird about me, but at the end of the day, relaxing is not an issue. In fact, I'm so ready to relax by the time 5:00 comes along that there are times on the drive home that I find myself becoming a little too relaxed."Hello, T? Can you come get me? I'm just going to pull over here and take a nap in the parking lot of this McDonald's until you get here."
No, I don't need help relaxing at the end of the day. What I need is coffee.
Of course, I've always resented the time my body requires itself to be unconscious. It seems like such a waste of time. When I was a little kid--I don't actually remember this, but I've been told--I used to dig my fingernails into my palms so I could stay awake.
It's just always seemed to me that the night holds more interest. The TV shows are better, for instance, and there are fewer interruptions to what you are doing--whatever you are doing.
I'd probably make a good vampire, come to think of it. I dress in black a lot. I tend to go all angsty and emo if I get bored. And I look awesome in a cape. The only downside is that I don't sparkle and I don't date high school girls.
Oh wait, neither do vampires.
posted by Patwoman | 9:35 PM
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