New Year's Eve Thoughts And (Sort Of) Resolutions

Well, I would say Happy New Year's Eve, but I don't believe it will be a happy new year. Still, I'm working on it.

As you know, I've been fairly depressed these past few years. Not without cause, though. And that is the key. I keep telling M (because she worries when I say I'm fine) that this is a natural response to all the really shitty things that have happened (death, illness, loss). It would be unnatural not to have this response. And, with enough of a break from that shit, I will emerge from the blackness.

It just seems to be unrelenting sometimes.

Still, for those of you who have expressed worry about this (thank you) I will tell you that I feel about 40% less depressed now than I did last year at this time. This is strange, because 2016 has certainly been much worse than 2015, and I am 100% certain that 2017 will be even worse. (I cannot even imagine a scenario where 2017 is better, and I have a very active imagination.)

But, I am undertaking a new overall goal for the coming year: to kick this depression's ass. That is not to say I'm going to be a positive person. You all know and love me for my pessimism  pragmatism. No, I just mean that I am actively working toward reaching the light this coming year.

Again.

I worked on it in 2016, with some success. If I have as much success in 2017, that would be a good thing, right? I'm not sure that would qualify as a resolution, but whatever.

As far as actual resolutions, I have a couple of simple ones.

1. Organize the family photos and make copies. We have a ton of photos that are unlabeled and unorganized. I don't know what it is with my family, but apparently we just counted on Mom to know who all these people were. And, unfortunately, Mom's been gone for about 30 years. So it may be a lost cause to try and figure out who some of these people are. The funny thing about this is that, though some of the photos are labeled "Jack" or "Sarah," in my family there are about a billion Jacks and Sarahs. Apparently, we're such an uncreative lot that we just keep recycling names.

We don't have a lot of photos from T's side of the family, but I think my MIL is finally willing to let us make some copies. Most of those are unlabeled too, but at least she still remembers who they are.

All of the photos from our immediate family are labeled and dated, so those are easier, but they still need to be copied and organized so R and M will have them, as well.

2. Do some ancestor research. I have wanted to do this for awhile, but I haven't had the time or resources to manage it. Plus, keeping track of our family tree was never a priority in our family, so information is pretty scarce. I recently looked at the family tree two of my aunts collaborated on and there were so many incorrect things about even my own generation that it's not credible. (Like misspellings of names, incorrect dates and places. And these are for people who are still alive to ask.) Also, there are a lot of Cherokee on my side of the family and I don't even know how to get that information.

I'd also like to, at some point--maybe not this year, get a DNA test. I'd like to see how my heritage breaks down, genetically. My Mom always told us we were English, Irish, Dutch, Cherokee. But that aforementioned admittedly-not-very-accurate family tree my aunts did shows no Dutch ancestry. Which is strange, because it does show that my ancestors basically traveled everywhere and mated with everyone.

Also, I have been having very strange dreams lately, and in one of them, an entity told me I was of Welsh heritage. Strange.

3. Write more. I think one of the things that really helped me break free of the depression this year was beginning to write again. I had not written anything in such a long time, I was pretty sure I didn't even remember how to do it. And I was pretty sure that, even if I did remember, I would be crap at it. But one day I just started again. And it was not bad. I was writing a few times a week for a while there (until Christmas season started and I got busy) and I feel like I was getting back into it.

Now that things are slowing down a bit, I would like to get back to it.

4. Work on crafting more. Not that I need to resolve to do this. I'm always doing something. I just wanted to have something on my resolution list I could check off. Ha!

No, seriously. I am always looking to learn new things and improve upon the old. I have plans for teaching some more intermediate classes in knitting and crocheting this year, and for creating some new patterns.

Those are my goals for the coming year. I can't say I'm looking forward to 2017, but rest assured I am braced for the impact. And I'm hoping these 4 things will keep me focused on positive things and not the shitfest that's ahead.