If you're not knitting, the terrorists win

(My mostly on-topic ramblings about knitting. And life in general. My life in specific.)

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Location: Indiana, United States

I'm a middle aged mother of 2 grown children and wife to a man who doesn't seem to mind my almost heroin-like yarn addiction. I spend my time writing, knitting, and generally stressing out.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Not Knitting

Welcome back to another episode of Swearing With Patwoman, or as I sometimes call it: Beading Night.

Let me ask you a question. What do you think happens when you don't plan? Like, when you just pick up the beads and start stringing with no thought of Hey, maybe I don't have enough beads to do a whole necklace like this. Or Hey, maybe I should lay this out to see what it looks like first so I don't have to dump all the beads I've strung and start over once I get to within three inches of the end and realize I don't have enough damn bugle beads to finish in the established pattern. What do you think happens then?

So, after I got to within three inches of the end and realized I didn't have enough bugle beads to finish in the established pattern, I had to dump all my work and start over.

Sadly, I had not learned my lesson yet and ended up dumping that experiment, too.

But then, I did this, which I like best of all. (And not just because I didn't have to start over.) I added some seed beads to the mix and the pendant with some seed/bugle bead danglies. I think it looks kind of primitive and earthy.

And no, I didn't plan ahead with that one, either. I just got lucky.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A Letter From AW

My Dearest Patwoman,

Summer is drawing to a close, My Darling, and all around the signs of approaching autumn are making themselves known. Summer gardens which just a few short weeks ago were abundant with fruit--sweet, delicious, juicy fruit that seemed as if it would never run out--now slow their progress (as if the journey were as important as the destination, finally!). And though the early fruit is but a sweet memory, I am reminded that the garden still has much to offer a clever harvester.

For in its youth, a garden may produce dozens of, say, zucchini--so much zucchini, in fact, that one begins to wonder if zucchini is the only thing the garden may offer. And then you may notice, Dearest Patwoman, that your garden--while never having any shortage of zucchini, mind you--has also produced such sweet, long-ripening delicacies as pumpkins, turnips, and other even larger, sweeter fruits that maybe you don't get as often, but they're still really, really good. Fruits that any girl would be happy to have because, after all, it's quality over quantity. You know I'm right.

And, my Foxy Feline, don't ever forget that pumpkin can be prepared in many, many different ways--pumpkin pie, pumpkin cake, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin soup, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin seeds. (Even the seeds are good, mi corazon! The seeds!)

But I digress. The point, my Tasty Temptress, is that though the season has changed for both of us, there is still fruit on the vine. Ripe fruit. Take my word for it.

Yours, as always,



Sweet Adam,

Wait. What? Is that some sort of symbolism? I understood, basically, none of that. Except, maybe... You want to do something with fruit?


Call me.

Love, Patwoman

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Patwoman's Job Hunting Tips

What To Say If You Don't Really Want A Job

- "I don't really want to do this job, but I guess I will until something better comes along."

- "I hope you don't think I'm going to bust my ass for that pay. I mean, I'll do the job, but I'm not going to do anything extra."

- "Can I take the drug test today, just in case?"

- "Can I take the drug test today, since it's Friday and the weekend is coming up?"

-"You're not going to do the drug test today, are you?"

- "That background check... Is it just Indiana or will you be checking other states, too?"

- "Did I get the job? Because I really want to go tell my current boss he can kiss my ass."

These are all real examples, sadly.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Shopping Trip - Is It Halloween Already?

I love it when the stores start getting their Halloween merchandise out. So much fun to check out the new stuff.

"Hm. I have the head-in-a-cage and the ghost-on-a-wire and the animatronic spider, but look at this jumping hand!"

Craft stores are great, because they always get their holiday stuff out early. This week I found piles of skulls, bones, and various creepy birds. I already have a raven perched over my desk (I call him Lenore) but check out Disco Raven! Sparkly!

Of course no trip to the craft store would be complete without some cock handling.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't bother protesting the joke. I'm immune to your boos and hisses.

The mall had some cool weird disturbing cool candy dishes. Like this ghost, who seems to be saying "Here, have some candy that I am urinating out onto this dish." Or, I suppose, this top piece might be backward. Maybe he's actually pooping candy? By the way, I think you're really doing yourself a disservice if you don't put Tootsie Rolls in this dish.

And what about this? "Hey kids! Scoop out my brains for a delicious Halloween treat!" And what kind of candy would you put in here? Some sort of taffy? Maybe these?

Personally, I would serve nuts from there.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Not Knitting - A Matching Set

Wednesdays are always swearing beading nights, as you know. Tonight Sharon and I put together some beaded necklaces for the fused dichroic glass pendants we made at Gencon.

This is mine, for the beer glass pendant. I used a bunch of similar colored seed beads and just strung them randomly on a wire. I think it really sets off the fused glass pendant.

There was not much swearing going on for that That worked out very well, so I also put together these earrings and the matching bracelet. Yay!

Oh, and I finished off the earrings from before... Just needed to put the wires on them.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Knit Mobile

Not a Knitmobile (like I might as well name my car) but a mobile having to do with knitting. How cool is that?

We were crossing through the Artsgarden at Circle Center when suddenly my head snapped up on its own accord. Believe me, when you reach my stage of the disease, your eyes automatically find the knitting-related paraphernalia long before your conscious brain even registers it. It's kind of like the way blind newborn kittens automatically find their way to their mothers to nurse.

Acutally, it's exactly like that. Only I'm not blind. Or newborn. Or a cat. And I have never been caught don't often suck my knitting needles.

Not for sustenance, anyway.

So actually, it's nothing like that. But it is an instinctual thing. "Ooooh. Knitting!"

I think my exact words were "Knitting. Look. Knitting needles." And then some Lennie Small-style laughter. My family--who are used to me having the attention span of a magpie with ADHD when it comes to knitting--just kept going, of course.

But I stood under this mobile, forcing other people to walk around me as I looked up in wonder. I mean, how cool is this? It's knitting needles and patterns and yarn, hanging from the ceiling of the Artsgarden!

After a bit, I decided to move. Not because of the grumbling of the people who had to walk around me as I stood there, looking up. And not because everyone had gotten so far ahead of me that they noticed I was missing and had to come back and see what had happened to me.

But because I was struck by the visual thought of what would happen if an earthquake struck at that moment. Imagine me, a human pincushion, skewered by hundreds of knitting needles. Irony! Never mind that the greater danger would be the collapse of the Artsgarden itself--a glass and steel structure suspended over one of Downtown Indianapolis' busiest intersections.

Oh yeah. Scoff if you want. It could happen.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday UFO

It's the same UFO as last Friday, sadly--the scarf I started knitting at GenCon. I say sadly because sadly, I have not had a lot of time to knit this week. I had something going on in the evening most days this week.

I did double its size from last week which is pretty good, I guess, for only knitting a few minutes at a time.

Sigh. Don't you hate it when you have to get stuff done, but you just want to slack?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Not Knitting... Fusing Glass

How awesome is this? I got my fused dichroic glass pendants back from kilning baking firing. The ladies at the CATS (Creative Arts Teaching Seminars) did a great job teaching us all how to do this. The girls and I had a lot of fun learning to do this and will probably do it again next year.

M was crazy with the glass cutters, too. It was almost scary how much she enjoyed cutting glass. We sat on opposite sides of the work table and every now and then, a bit of glass would come flying over at me. (Good thing I was wearing my glasses, for a change.)

I really enjoyed both times I worked with glass. Remember last year, M and I made glass frit trees? These are the same ladies who taught that class.

I think it's really cool how this

becomes this

and then this

with some strategic glass cutting and placement and the application of heat.

Monday, August 15, 2011

What Is It?

What is this? Achilles wants to know. Are you curious, too?

Is it a purse?

Is it a can cozy?

It's a scarf!

Nice fluffy muppet pelt scarf! Awesome!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Shopping Trip

Decided to do some yarn shopping with T the other day. Not really to buy (although I wouldn't have been opposed to it if a couple of skeins had jumped off the shelf and into my arms); really just to look at what was new. And look! I found a couple of new things from Bernat! Puff Ball is one of those pompon yarns that are out now. And Ruffelina... I don't know how to describe that. Take a look. It's kind of half-ladder, half eyelash. And both are in pink, to support breast cancer research.

Always fun to take T along on a shopping trip. He always finds some way to amuse himself.
What's really funny is that today, M and I went to Joann. And look. I guess that apple didn't fall very far from that tree.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Patwoman's Triumphant Return To Work

Whew. This week was kind of difficult. I was off last week, of course, for Gencon and--how unusual for me--I didn't even think of work. I mean, I really took a vaca.

Which is nice. And also kind of a pain. Because, when I came back this Tuesday, after being off on vaca, it was just so hard to jump back into my normal rhythm. I broke my stride a little, if you know what I mean.

But, I was able to catch back up by the end of the week, even though it meant I sat with my nose to the grindstone through a couple of lunches. It helped, too, that everyone else in my office seemed to be just as busy, so there was really no socializing to distract.

Not that it would be a bad thing. Some offices I've been a part of have been hilarious. Like that time my idiot boss made fun of the oven mitt I knit for him.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Friday UFO (GenCon Edition)

One of the things GenCon has done for the last few years is offer events geared toward the non-gaming spouses and partners of gamers. Of course, we all know that gamers are creative people by definition, so these programs are pretty popular with us, too.

I did one seminar this year--fused dichroic glass (which I will show you next week, when mine are back from the kiln). But there were other classes I wanted to take and just didn't have time. Like chain mail. I want to do chain mail. And wire work. That looks like a lot of fun. And leather stamping... But I digress.

I did stop into the open crafting area, which was great, I must say. I had never been to the open crafting area, mainly because I usually do a lot of gaming at this con. So I was pleasantly surprised. A full-sized sewing machine, a couple of handheld sewing machines, a Cricuit, embossers, scrapbook papers, stampts, pens, inks, charms, glitter, buttons, zippers, paints, embroidery floss, fabric, beads, findings, glue, yarn, hooks, needles, cross stitch kits, and patterns. They even had several of those potholder looms we all used to have. And all materials were free to use. Free to take.


The lady who organizes this (I'm told) goes to garage sales, auctions, and estate sales and buys up anything remotely crafty. So naturually, you won't find a huge stash of Noro Silk Garden--it's pretty much all acryllic--but there's a variety, and it's there just to provide a place for crafters to hang out.

So I grabbed some needles and some of this boucle yarn (No label, but I know it's TLC Amore.) and just started knitting. Very nice, since I was starting to have some withdrawal pains from not knitting over the last few days. (Seriously. People were starting to worry. "Patwoman, why are your hands twitching?")

I also got the opportunity to teach Sharon, my future daughter-in-law, how to knit. Yes. Another one brought over to the dark side. Excellent.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Gencon Recap Part 2

Whenever I tell normal people I'm going to Gencon, they always ask "Oh, are you going to dress up?" As if the idea of me dressing up would be so ridiculously out of character. I find it so funny that so many people think I'm so serious. (I so used the word so so many times in that so-so sentence.) Honestly, I don't know where people get the idea that I'm Serious Sally.

But no, I don't dress up for Gencon. Mainly because I do, actually, do some serious talking in addition to the gaming. And really, how would it be for me to be dressed as Princess Peach or Cheetara or Kaleigh the Kilt Inspector while I was talking to a publisher or a distributor? Talk about surreal.

I do have costumes, mind you. I wear them during the LARPs we play or run. I have, in the past, been a nurse, a Professor of Antiquities, an old gypsy woman, a water sprite, a giant wurm, and a 9 foot Aztec god of Death. I just don't wear them to wander around the con or go to business meetings.

So, maybe I am serious. A little at least.

I do admit that sometimes I get very wrapped up in what I'm doing, to the point where I'm fairly tuned out to the rest of the world. I'd like to think that comes from my early broadcast training--learning to ignore the other voices coming through the headset in order to concentrate on what I'm saying.

T says I'm quite oblivious to what's going on around me. I don't think I'd go so far as to say oblivious. That seems as ill-fitting a word for me as serious. I mean, sure, sometimes I'll get wrapped up in something and not hear someone say my name, or not notice that the line has moved forward, or whatever.

But I'd hardly call that oblivious.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Not Knitting (Gencon Edition)

If you've never been to Gencon, you probably don't realize how much craftiness is going on there. People make costumes, game terrain, games, banners, jewelry, minis, and more. That's not to mention all the straight-up knitting, crocheting, beading, glass work, wire work, chain mailling, and painting that are part of the event programming. One thing I always do is the Paint And Take.

Basically, a bunch of companies donate minis, paints, and other supplies for this event. Then people like me can go sit down and paint a mini, free of charge. It's a nice break from walking around, and it gives you a chance to sit and just focus in on your thoughts as you paint. They also have people there to give you painting tips and help out, but I usually prefer to just paint without chatting.

As you can see, I'm not especially good at it--in terms of not getting the paint everywhere. But my way of thinking is, so what if I get arm color on the cloak? I'll just paint the cloak after the arm and then no one will even know.

I'm pretty happy with that hair, though. I went totally Van Gogh and just started mixing colors and putting down layers. That hair has a lot of depth to it, let me tell you.

Sadly, I took all these pix with my iPhone, so you can't really get a good look at the paint job. Oh wait. You can't get a good look at the paint job, can you? Oh, well, then. It's a fantastic paint job. The best you've ever seen. The forest green cloak, the saphire blue dress, the saucy red hair. You're amazed. I can tell.

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