If you're not knitting, the terrorists win

(My mostly on-topic ramblings about knitting. And life in general. My life in specific.)

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Location: Indiana, United States

I'm a middle aged mother of 2 grown children and wife to a man who doesn't seem to mind my almost heroin-like yarn addiction. I spend my time writing, knitting, and generally stressing out.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Arm Pain

Wow. So I injured my arm in the most stupid way possible. I will spare you the details here. Just imagine the dumbest way a person could possibly injure their arm. You won't even come close.

Anyway, so my arm hurts like a muthafucka, so I can't do all the stuff that I had planned to do this weekend, let alone the stuff that needs to be done.

Like the garden. Need to get out there and prepare it for planting. And the laundry, which is dangerously close to becoming sentient. And the sweater I'm knitting.

What? I need to finish that, too. Come on. It's almost done anyway. Look.

This is the Red Sweater I am working on. I'm using Red Heart Collage in Crimson Maple because I thought it had a very interested color-painting look to it. Of course, as I knit, it's more stripes than anything else, but it still looks good.

I've altered this pattern greatly. I always do. You know I've knit a ton of these things for just about everyone. And I always alter them. This time, I've left the YO's at the raglan and left the garter at the edges. But I am making this about mid-hip length. I think I'll go longer on the sleeves, too. Maybe keep them short, but not cap sleeves.

Not sure where I'm going with this.

Anyway, this is all academic right now, since I can't do anything anyway.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Monday Affirmation

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Not Entrelac

Entrelac is one of those things that are always on everybody’s New Year’s Resolution list. “This year I am going to learn to do Entrelac.” Well, I learned to do this a long time ago—remember, I didn’t know knitting was supposed to be hard and complicated, so I just learned to do all this stuff just like I learned to Knit and Purl.

But it’s a pain in the ass.

But look! I found this pattern on Ravelry. It’s the Not Entirely Entrelac Scarf from Southwest Trading Co. And it looks something like entrelac. (Enough to fool a non-knitter, at least.) So, I thought I’d give it a go. This is knit in Patons SWS in Natural Plum. I used 2 full balls and size 8 needles.

Funny story. I found this pattern and looked at the yarn requirements. It said SWTC, but my brain read SWS. I thought “Oh, I have some of that!” and started knitting before I realized my error. Ha! (Of course, the folks at SWTC are probably pretty frustrated by that, so don’t laugh too hard.)

Anyway, the color changes are perfect for this scarf, though I’m not sure I wouldn’t want it a bit wider. M, however, assures me that the width is perfect, as long as the length is enough to wrap around the neck and still hang long.

And it is.

This is a Christmas gift. (Yes, I am starting early again! Get up off the floor, now. It’s not that shocking when it’s the second year in a row.) I won’t say who this is for, since she has threatened tomay read my blog. I have another skein of this color. It seems to me I’ve seen some mittens or fingerless gloves with a similar, mitered square look. Now where was that….?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Monday Affirmation

The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sunshine, Slips, and Random Bitchiness

You know I’m going to start off with the bitchiness…

So the sun is shining for, like, the first time in at least six months here in Indy. Seriously. It’s been so dull for so long—brown grass, trees, plants; grey sky—I was beginning to wonder whether I’d somehow stepped into a Twilight Zone universe.

Those of you who know me know I always say “From 8 to 5, it can hail fireballs, for all I care.” And those of you who know me really well know I mean that. If I have to be inside all day, I want all those people who are out enjoying the sunshine to pay for it. Hail, fireballs! Hail!

But I do get tired of the blah. Go to work in the twilight. Go home in the twilight. You know, but without the sparkly vampires. (Sparkly vampires? I can’t believe grown women are all goo-goo over Edward! My vamps would never sparkle.)

Anyway, I thought I’d wear a skirt today and free my legs from their winter prison. (And, truth be told, I’m getting a little frustrated with my muffin top the way my pants fit. Skirt=camouflage.) BUT… I couldn’t find my damn slip! I know. I know. You’re saying “Patwoman, nobody wears a slip any more. Don’t be such an old woman.”

Really. Blamey has actually said those exact words to me before.

But hear me out. This skirt is one of those swooshy things with a filmy layer over the under layer. Very pretty. But… ride ups like a, uh—a thing that just rides up, I guess. And with the filmy layer, you might think you’ve got all your bits covered, but you don’t. Trust me on this. I have given the neighbors a free show more than once.

But I couldn’t find my slip. It’s like it was abducted by some entity that takes random items around the house and hides them. (Remember the misadventures of Notpatwoman?) I’m thinking it must be there, right now, fraternizing with my hot glue gun (had to buy another one, thank you very much random thing-hider), my black hoodie, and several pairs of scissors.

So, here I am today. Struggled into Wore my pants instead of a skirt (have you ever seen how sausage is made…?) And it’s bad enough that I can see the damn sunshine out the window, but then Jordan calls to say it’s 68 degrees outside.

And it can hail fireballs, for all I care.

Monday, March 08, 2010

Monday Affirmation

I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Twisty Cat Toy & Cat O' Mine Tails

Here are a couple of cat toys I made a while back that were just waiting on dowel rods to complete them. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "What? Patwoman, you don't know where Home Depot is?" (I actually do.)

For whatever reason, I didn't get around to going to HD to get dowel rods until last weekend. And then, I didn't get around to hot gluing the toys to the dowel rods until tonight. The point is, I did get around to doing it and I did make some pretty cute cat toys.

This first one is the Twisty Cat Toy, which I could've sworn I got from Ravelry, but now I can't find it. It's one of those that you don't even print the pattern off because it's such a simple pattern repeat you can remember it pretty easily. And quick. This is a quick crochet. Even for me.(Yes, I actually crocheted. See? I can do it.) I used some scrap yarn that I don't even have the label for any more, but I happen to know is Caron Dazzleaire.

This one is my own pattern. Again, crochet. I call it the Cat O'Mine Tails. (Get it? Because it looks like a cat-o-nine tails, but it's for my cat so it's a cat o' mine tails... I'm so clever. How do I stand myself?)

CAT O' MINE TAILS PATTERN (such as it is)
-Basically, you make a chain of 6, then SC in 2nd stitch from hook, SC in next 3, then 3 SC in last stitch (which takes you around the corner) and then you SC in the other side of the next 3 stitches, 2 SC's in the end stitch.
-Then, Slip Stitch to the top of the first SC, pull the yarn through and leave a long tail.
-So what you end up with is an oval shape on a string. Make as many of these as you want. I made 6 and I cut the tail yarn at slightly different lengths.
-Then I tied these to the end of a dowel rod and used some hot glue to make sure they stayed put.

Boom. Cat O' Mine Tails. They seem to like it.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Monday Affirmation (And Sick Day)

I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

So sick today. What a pain in the ass. I so did not want to be sick. Not that anyone ever does... that would be, uh, sick. But yesterday was M's birthday.Yeah. Happy birthday, M. Excuse me while I go puke again.

So I am at home today, doing things I don't want to do. This is what I want to be doing:

This is what I've been doing the last two days:

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