If you're not knitting, the terrorists win

(My mostly on-topic ramblings about knitting. And life in general. My life in specific.)

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Location: Indiana, United States

I'm a middle aged mother of 2 grown children and wife to a man who doesn't seem to mind my almost heroin-like yarn addiction. I spend my time writing, knitting, and generally stressing out.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Poo Poo Gabby Sweater

I thought Gabgab needed a sweater. She's crazy, you know, so she's licked all the fur off her body. That makes her cold. She sat there, shivvering on my lap, sending me telepathic pleas: I need a sweater, Humom.

It took about 3 and a half hours, total. Probably would've taken less time, but I had to pick out yarns and decide what it should look like. (Telepathic instructions: It should look very, very poo-poo.) And, of course you know, it does take a bit of time to measure a cat.

Poo Poo Gabby Sweater

I used about 1/3 of a skein of Yarn Bee Soft Extreme in a dark pink color held together with Caron Simply Soft in a plum color. (Sorry. Labels are long gone from these.) I also used a little bit of Boa in a pink color, for the trim.

Knit on size 11 circulars (but I am a loose knitter. You will probably want to use a 13.)

Guage: 3 st = 1"

Note: Gabby is a smallish cat, so you will want to adjust the pattern to your cat's specs. I used her pudgy belly as the main measurement to determine how many stitches to cast on. You should use whatever is the biggest part of your cat.

Beginning at lower edge, Cast on 44 stitches, join.
Work in a K1 P1 rib for 11 rows.
Keeping to the Ribbing Pattern, work 25 stitches.
Bind off the next 7 stitches.
Work the next 5 stitches in K1 P1.
Bind off the next 7 stitches. (These two BO areas become the armholes.)
Working on the 25 stitches only, work 8 rows.
Next row: K 2 together across, ending K1.
Cut yarn. Just ignore those stitches. Leave them on the needle.
(This is the tricky part)
Attach yarn after bound off stitches. Then knit the 25 stitches from the back. (This is not tricky to do, only tricky to explain. Since you are working on a circular needle, you will be joining the shoulder, you see?)Join the stitches at the other shoulder, and continue to knit 2 rows.
Cut yarn and attach Boa yarn. Knit 1 row and bind off very loosely.

Pick up and knit 22 stitches around armhole, from right side. Work in K1 P1 for 3 rows. (You could go longer, but I thought it might impede movement.)
Cut yarn.
Attach Boa and work 1 row, then bind off loosely.
Repeat for 2nd sleeve.

Weave in all ends.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

And It Turned Out To Be A Great Christmas After All

Oh, except for one thing....

  • Physiology of Vomiting
    Vomiting is the forceful expulsion of contents of the stomach and often, the proximal small intestine. It is a manifestation of a large number of conditions, many of which are not primary disorders of the gastrointestinal tract. Regardless of cause, vomiting can have serious consequences, including acid-base derangments, volume and electrolyte depletion, malnutrition and aspiration pneumonia.

WTF? I was okay on Friday. Woke up in the middle of the night like this:

And Christmas Eve:

And Christmas:

That's pretty much how I opened my presents. From that position.

But I got some pretty cool stuff. A couple of Dean Koontz books I have been wanting, A couple of Rachel Ray cookbooks I have been wanting, a fab new coffee mug for the car, and a ton of knitting stuff.

More on this later, but T got me (among the many other things) a Box O' Yarn. No kidding. This big box (actually, the box my microwave came in, if that tells you how big) was filled with all kinds of yarn. About 50 skeins of it! Wow!

Oh, and look at this present from R...

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The One In Which Patwoman Gains A Sidekick

Blameygirl: I'm not your sidekick.

Patwoman: Well, I'm the superhero/supervillian. That makes you the sidekick.

Blameygirl: Look at my awesome cat hat!

Patwoman: That hat is spankin'!

Blameygirl: Look at my big honkin' pom pons.

Patwoman: Those are some big pom pons.

Blameygirl: Look at my cuddly warm mitts!

Patwoman: All that is well and good, Blameygirl. But, see...

It's my blog.

Stats on the hat: Pattern by me, a basic hat done with one strand of Patons Divine in Lavender Mist and Caron Simply Soft in Lilac. Worked on #10 circulars (but I am a pretty loose knitter), with a guage of about 2.5 stitches to the inch. Picked up stitches for the earflaps and knitted down to an I-cord tie. Ears are 2 triangles each (The outside of the ear is Divine and the inside is Simply Soft) that I sewed together and then onto the hat at a jaunty angle. I've somehow misplaced my pom pon making thing, so I wrapped both yarns around my hand a bazillion times to make those big ass poofs.

Mitts were done with the same yarns. It's the same 2-needle pattern my college roommate taught me 24 years ago. I think her mom taught it to her.

My Bro's Christmas Stocking

As you recall, I made the vow not to do any knitting for people who don't appreciate it. But, you will also recall, my bro was the only person not living in my house who liked my knitting last Christmas.

When other people were looking at me like I really cheaped out on a gift by giving them something home-made, my bro thanked me for hand-crafting something especially for him. (Can you believe that he was the only one who understood that sentiment?)

So this Christmas, I knitted this stocking for my bro. It's the one from the 2005 Knitting Pattern A Day Calendar, except I did it in red, because I like red better for a Christmas stocking. You can see the stitch detail a little better in this picture.

I also printed a bunch of family pix, glued them into an album, and sent that along, too. Of course, there were a couple of pictures you just had to laugh at. Here's one of the two of us:

Monday, December 18, 2006

I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas...

Or a white sweater!

This is my third Boobholder. As you can see, I've made quite few alterations in the pattern.

  1. I'm not a poofy sleeve type of girl, so I didn't do the poofy sleeve increases.
  2. I made the sleeves full-length, and belled them gradually from just below the elbow.
  3. Did some short rowing... you know why.
  4. Made the whole thing longer.

So actually, now it's more of a cardigan than a mini-sweater. But I think this suits me pretty well.

Yarn is Bernat Ping Pong in Pop White. It's got kind of a crunchy hand to it when you are knitting with it. (Probably because of those sparkly bits twisted in with the yarn.) But it really softens up once you wash it. (I washed on delicate cycle and dried on a towel on top of the dryer.) I mean, it really softens up.

It's a very soft sweater now.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Back To Knitting...

Or... The One Where Patwoman displays all the scarves she made for Christmas, even though she said she wasn't doing any Christmas knitting.

Or... See? I did have a use for all that yarn!

So you've seen the scarves for some of my co-workers. Here is a scarf I knit for Nickie. It is Red Heart Symphony in (again, T threw away the label, so...) a forest green/grey sort of color. The pattern is Arches and Columns from Crystal Palace.

Here are a few more I did. Some of these have not been distributed yet, so I will refrain from naming names.

1. Black Boa Scarf.

2. Pattern is called "Pat's Lace," coincidentally. Knit in Yarn Bee Soft Extreme. (Color is black, with neon highlights.)

3. 2 X 2 Rib in Yarn Bee Soft Extreme. (This yarn's name does not lie. It is extremely soft!)

1. Dayflower in Simply Soft.
2. Simple K2tog, YO pattern in LB Homespun.
3. Garter stitch. One strand of Boa. One strand of LB Homespun.

1. Garter stitch. One strand of Boa. One strand of LB Homespun.
2. Garter stitch. One strand of Boa. One strand of Simply Soft.
3. Garter stitch. Simply Soft on big needles. Nice lacey effect.

And this one is a 1 X 1 Rib (Soft Extreme again). This time, I added a fringe, with glass beads on the ends. It looks really cool, but I imagine flipping the end over my shoulder and accidently putting my own eye out.

Patwoman Vs The Bad Guy

Yes, it does get exciting in the life of Patwoman. I thought it was fitting to do this comic book style.

Blamey: Hey, why are there helicoptors flying around outside? And cops in the parking lot? Hey, are those police dogs?

Patwoman: Huh???

Nickie: The cop in the parking lot says they're looking for an armed and dangerous criminal. Make sure we lock all the doors.

Blamey & Patwoman: Omigod! There he is! Hide!!!

Cops arrest bad guy right outside the front door. (Bad guy, btw, had crazy Charles Manson eyes!)

Do You Ever Feel Like You Are Trapped In A Three Stooges Movie?

Only, there's really only one stooge? And he's trying to drop a tree on the building where you work?


So windy that it broke the giant pine tree next door. Is it going to fall on us? Is it going to fall on the building next door? The thing teetered at a 45 degree angle all day. Then, it got really funny.

The guy next door comes out and ties a rope thin (maybe like the kind of rope you use to tie down a tarp on your camper?) conglomeration of ropes, all tied with knots, to the tree. Then he runs the "rope" through the fork of another tree (presumeably to provide some kind of guide) and onto the trailer hitch of his truck.

I have to tell you, I spent the entire day watching this, amazed, amused, and a little afraid.

Where was my camera, damn it?!

The One Where Patwoman Returns, All Sorry And Stuff For Being Away So Long

And what, you may ask, have I been doing that's taken me away from you all?

1. Work. Gots to pay them bills, peoples. So I continue to recruit for DrugCo, a "premiere employer" in Indianapolis. And recruiting well, I must say.

Although I have had a couple of interviews lately which... Well, let's just say they were season appropriate.)

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2. Work. About halfway through the filming of Before The Devil Knows You're Dead. Still need to recast one part, but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's just not going to happen before the New Year.

Here we are, on the set. These teen actors are fantastic, by the way. Look at them taking direction from me.

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I have begun writing our next feature, as well. Why, you may ask, don't I just film one of the scripts I have already completed? Well... good question.

3. Holidays. My Christmas Tree. There are about 1000 ornaments on this bad boy. And outdoors? Well, T likes the house to be a beacon of holiday joy. No, literally. A beacon. Last night, three wise men showed up with presents and the night before that, I'm pretty sure I heard a DC-10 coming in for a landing.

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4. Christmas Knitting. Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to do any. But I did anyway. I'm not posting all of it, just yet. Only the ones that have been given already. You will have to tune in later to see the rest of them.

Here are some scarves I knitted for my co-workers and my boss:
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Up close:

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Pink Camo. Knit with Yarn Bee Luscious in Black Raspberry. Plain ol' stockingette stitch, with 3 stitch garter borders to keep it from rolling. I don't usually fringe, but I thought this one called for it.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingBlue Ripple. Knit in a ripple stitch (surprise!), using Luscious. Can't tell you the name of the color, since T went on a "Let's throw away ball bands" spree. Let me say, though. Yarn Bee makes some really soft yarn!

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingDayflower for my great boss, Jill. Knit in Red Heart Symphony, in Mohogany, another soft yarn.

BTW, T just read this post and denies throwing away any ball bands.

Sure. Then where are they?

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