If you're not knitting, the terrorists win

(My mostly on-topic ramblings about knitting. And life in general. My life in specific.)

My Photo
Location: Indiana, United States

I'm a middle aged mother of 2 grown children and wife to a man who doesn't seem to mind my almost heroin-like yarn addiction. I spend my time writing, knitting, and generally stressing out.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Patwoman's Job Hunting Advice

You know I don't do this very often, but sometimes I feel the need to share some job hunting tips with you, just as a public service. Today, let's talk about job fairs.

If you go to a job fair, keep in mind there will be a lot of comptetition there. So give yourself every advantage. At least, don't hamstring yourself.

#1 Treat the job fair as an interview. That means, don't come dressed in a wifebeater and flipflops. Don't wear houseslippers. Don't wear a t-shirt with a political slogan, beer logo, pot leaf, or swear word on it. I saw all of these, just this week.

#2 Get a babysitter for the kids.
I know. That makes me sound like a bitchy child-hater. But listen, job fairs are crowded. They're hot. They're noisy. They're long. And they are boring as hell for little kids. Every child I've ever seen at any job fair has been miserable, bored out of their minds, and screaming their heads off. This does not make you look good.

#3 Don't keep touching me after we shake hands. Now, I'm not a germaphobe, or whatever you call one of those people who don't like to be touched by others. I'm all for a friendly handshake and I'm not too concerned about personal space most of the time.

But, when I back up, that's your cue that I am uncomfortable with how close you are standing. It is not an invitation to come even closer. And when I put my hand out in front of me to stop you, I expect you to stop moving toward me.

Stop. Period. Not stop just until I drop my hand and then move even closer to me.

And, if we've gotten to the point where I have to say, "Sir, could you please just take a step back?" it means I'm worried that your next move is to crawl inside my mouth and wear my skin like a suit!

Hope these tips are helpful to you.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Don't Judge Me...

I'm still loyal to Notpatwoman and I have not given up the search. But I had to enlist the help of a couple of others. I've completed several projects and I just can't wait any longer to post them.

So, here is Fusilli Beanie, modelled by Twisted Sister. (Notpatwoman's notsister, not the rock group from the '80s. I don't even know what Dee Snider is up to these days. He stopped speaking to me after what happened in Helsinki.)

Twisted Sister didn't take her name from a MTV icon, anyway. (No matter what you think, Dee. I'm completely over you, you know.) Actually, she got her name because of these markings on her neck. They're teethmarks. Human teethmarks. And not mine, either, Dee, so you can stop telling that story.Freaky!

Anyway, Fusilli by Tarja is knit in Bernat Satin in Forest Mist Heather. Used about half a skein, and it knit in a night.

And here is the hat and scarf to match M's Glovetacular Gloves, modelled by Notpatwoman's other notsister, Sister Sledge. Hat pattern is Boho Beret by Shannita Williams-Alleyne. Made from the same Berella 4 Shabby Chic Ombre as the Glovetacular Gloves. Used #5 and #7 circulars. Pretty quick knit. Used a little less than one 165 yard skein.

Scarf is my own pattern. I didn't really like the one in Creative Knitting that matched the Glovetacular Gloves, so I made my own. It's the same garter rib pattern, knit lenthwise on size 7 needles. Cast on 200 stitches. (Pattern on sidebar.)

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Missing Notperson Day 9

No sign of Notpatwoman. This is a small house. She can't hide forever. Even if she wanted to. No one has seen her. I have begun to suspect the worst.

There is someone who is not talking throughout this ordeal...

I shudder to think of what may have happened to Notpatwoman at Achilles' hands.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Oh Baby!

Here is baby Allison, my new niece, born September 10. She's sleeping.


Don'tcha just love a sleeping baby? Me, I'm not too crazy about the loud, squalling babies. It kind of hurts my feelings when you pick a baby up and they scream like it's some kind of hell to be in your arms. But how can you not love a sleeping, peaceful baby?


My bro and sis-in-law did a good job. And they even had the baby on my dad's birthday. (Remember, he passed away earlier this year.) I think he'd be pleased by that.

And Aunt Patwoman always comes to visit bearing gifts:

You knew it would be a baby sweater. Don't act so surprised.

So this is Holly's Jacket (by Jacki Kelly) with a crapload of mods. First, I like black. But you've got to break it up a little on babies. So I added the pink trim, in seed stitch.

Ruffles on the bottom are as written, but I added another increase row to the sleeve ruffles to really... uh... ruffle them. Speaking of sleeves, I just picked up the sleeve stitches and knit down in the round because, you know, I hate to seam. Oh, and I knit them straight, with no decreases and they turned out looking a little like bell sleeves.

I added the skull insignia, just for fun. That was actually the hardest part--just because I wasn't satisfied with the results. First, I did it in duplicate stitch, but that just didn't look right. (Probably because Patwoman needs new glasses and can't distinguish between the black stitches, even with an Ott light.)

Then, I tried cross stitch. But I wasn't happy with that, either. It gave it a too primitive look. I finally settled on basic satin stitch embroidery. And I was pretty pleased with the result.

One last mod: I crocheted (yes, I can crochet) a chain closure.

I only used about half a skein of Bernat Satin in Ebony and maybe an ounce of Lion Brand Baby Soft in Bubblegum. Size 5 needles.

Oh, and I modified the # of stitches cast on and the number of rows to the armholes and overall length, because the original pattern was for a size 1 year. This, I'm guessing is a 3-6 month size.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Missing Notperson

Where is Notpatwoman? She had moved in with M for a while (mainly, I think, because M had let her wear her pretty red wig... And you know, the appeal of having hair strained her loyalty to me a bit) but she did come back to me. She was back to living in her usual spot on top of the knitting cabinet just last week.

But, when I went to get her to model a couple of hats the night before last... She was gone!
Not in M's room, either. Oh, Notpatwoman! Where can you be? This is so much bad drama... Missing notperson. No one knows anything. No trace.

I fear for the worst.

If anyone has any info regarding Notpatwoman's whereabouts, please contact me.

And Notpatwoman... Whatever you've done that you think can't be forgiven... Just come home. We'll work it out.

Friday, September 05, 2008


Yeah, that's what I do when I can't think of a clever title for a new post. I debated with "Give Me A Hand" and "I've Got To Hand It To You" and I completely discarded "Hand Job" for obvious reasons. So that leaves us with "Glovetacular," which I am going to force into your lexicon by my repeated use.

That's what you get for your smartass comments of "Glovetacular is not a word, Patwoman."

Anyway, check out these great glovetacular gloves.
Pattern is from Creative Knitting, January 2008. Used Bernat Berella 4 in Shabby Chic Ombre. Almost dead-on one skein. (Maybe 10 yards left after both gloves.)

I'll admit, I was a little intimidated at first. I'd never done gloves for a number of reasons...8 of them. (The fingers. Jeez. Do I have to spell it out for you?)

That just seemed like it would be some major ass pain. DPNs and a small number of stitches? OMG, why don't we just do it in non-frogable mohair and turn a heel somewhere on it, too? Then it will truly be my version of hell.

But it turned out to be not a thing. Pretty awesome glovetacular, actually, once you wrap your mind around the difference between your right hand and your left hand. The fingers end up being only about 1 1/2 inches long, so not much time is spent there, anyway.

The really cool glovetacular thing about these gloves are the flip-top mittens. Those are knitted right on as you go, so no seaming (which would automatically send these to the UFO pile, right?).

This yarn made a lovely glovetacular almost-striped pattern as it knit. I think these would be equally pretty glovetacular in Noro or in JoAnn's Debbie Mumm Traditions yarn, which (I will probably be stoned for saying) I think is just as pretty glovetacular as Noro.

These will be a great glovetacular Christmas present for M, along with matching scarf and hat. Of course, I've knit M several fingerless gloves (w/o fingers, naturally), but she says those do not really suit her needs, since it is her fingers that get cold. She suggested convertible gloves.

I suggested knitting separate little tubes for each finger... kind of gloveless fingers... but that's a story for another day.

Free Counter