Patwoman KIPs

So what did you do this Memorial Day weekend?

Like many of you, I went to The Race. (I capitalized that because I am here in Indianapolis. Home of The Race.) I really wanted to keep it low-key, you know, because it's not about me. It's about the drivers. I didn't want my celebrity to overshadow the day's excitement.

Of course, the paparazzi always find me anyway...

Why Did Patwoman Throw Her Purse In The Washer?

Because I felt like it! Ha!

So, remember when I was making the hat for M back in January? And I just couldn't get it right and kept frogging it out and swearing and frogging and swearing? And then I decided to just get a different yarn and more of it?

So, the question is, what do I do with the old wool? (Of which there was not enough to make a hat?) I make a purse.

This is the before shot. I am getting ready to do a Three Needle Bindoff on the bottom. (Because that's how I roll, folks.)

And now, after the hot water, high agitation wash.

Look how clever this is! Can't wait for it to dry so I can embellish it. What should I do? Should I try a felted flower?

Kevin Sorbo's Coming Home With Me!

So I go to get in my car, and look who is sitting in the passenger seat! The Legendary Hercules! He apparently met up with T at a silent auction and decided to surprise me.

Well hello, Kevin Sorbo. How nice to see you again. You're looking rather fit, I must say. What are you doing in my car?




Patwoman, I must have you. Ever since we met at GenCon five years ago, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind.

Aw, that's sweet, Hercules. But my heart is elsewhere engaged. You know that, right?




Yeah, I guess. A guy can dream, though.

Hey, Cameron Diaz from Charlie's Angels... What's shakin'?

Continuous Learning - Log Cabin

The concept of the Log Cabin block is very interesting, I think. It's knitted using only 10 or so stitches at a time. You're basically knitting a strip that you're attaching as you go.

I didn't have any purpose for knitting it, other than I wanted to do it. I'm not even sure what I will do with it. Maybe make another sampler afghan? Maybe an afghan with all Log Cabin blocks?

I do wonder, though, why it's called a Log Cabin. Doesn't really look much like any log cabin I've ever seen.

This is your log cabin...







This is your log cabin on drugs...








This is your log cabin on pancakes...

If I Had A Hammer...

I'd hammer in the morning.

Here's what I think...
...7 am on Saturday is too early to cut your grass if you live near me.
...School zones have posted speed limits for a reason. The reason is, so you don't run down the kids trying to get to school, dumbass. (I'm talking to you, Red Altima.)
...Even if it's a big imposition for you that the geese and their babies are in the road, you don't get to run them over. (Red Altima, Big Red Ford Truck With The Contractor Tool Box In Back, Little White Car With the Ironic Pro-Life Bumper Sticker, I'm talking to you.)

I'd hammer in the evening.

And you know what? I'd like to get home from work, too. So stop blocking the intersection when the light changes. You know you don't have time/room to get all the way through.

And since, from the looks of it, a lot of us stop at the grocery store on the way home from work, how about you put a few more cashiers on the line, Kroger?

And, oh, while we're at it... perhaps my neighbors can shut their bathroom curtains?

All over this land.

And listen, don't keep calling me at work when I tell you it's the wrong number. Look, I know you bill collectors are just doing your job, but not only am I not Stephanie X (name withheld to protect her privacy) but I don't even know Stephanie X. She doesn't work here. Never worked here in the five years I've been here. She's not an employee of mine and never has been. Nor is she listed at all in our entire worldwide (32 countries) company directory.

I've told you this at least 20 times and asked that you try to find Stephanie X somewhere else. I've asked you to stop calling me and take my office phone number out of your system.

How about this? Next time you call I'm just going to repeat everything you say, a second after you say it, except I'm going to use an over-the-top German accent. I'm talking full-on Colonel Klink. What do you think about that?

Let me tell you. It's a good thing for some people that I don't have a hammer.

Not Knitting - Paper Craft

I love paper crafts. I do a lot of them, especially as gifts. Like, you remember I made a calendar for M for Christmas? And books (that I wrote and bound) for R and T? I've also made really corny pseudo-personalized Christmas books (The kind you used to be able to buy from the back of a magazine, remember that? But I made them up. Ha!) and a few years back I made a really cool journal "written" by a monster hunter.

I've already begun to plan this year's book gifts. I am hoping to learn to do some pop-up books, even. (Damn it, do I ever love the internet! You can learn the coolest stuff!)

My most recent project is a cookbook I wrote for R and M (one book, two copies) containing family recipes--some of which do not exist anywhere else (like my brother's beer recipe). I added some anecdotal remarks like where the recipe was from or who loved it, or things like that. And I had them spiral bound.(This picture is pre-binding.)

Empty Nest Blues (Or, The One Where Patwoman Is Lonely)

I got the Empty Nest Blues.
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
No more children inna house to keep me company.
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
No more "Hey do you wanna watch Law & Order SVU with me?"
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
Because there's no one to ask me that any more.
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
No more "Hey Mom, what's for dinner tonight?"
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
Because it's only me and T
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
But T doesn't care
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
Anything I make for dinner is okay with him.
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
He's just pretty easy going about meeeeeeals...And things like that
(Na-na-na-da-dum)
But I get all stressed out
Da-dum-da-dum
'Cause I got the Empty Nest Blues
(What you got?)
Said, I got the Empty Nest Blues
(Don't I know it, sistah!)
Oh yeah. I got the Empty Nest...
(oooooooh)
The painfully Empty Nest...
(ow-ow-ow)
The Where Did All My Children Go I Didn't Sign Up For This...
(no)
I got the Empty Nest Blues.

What Is It?

What is this? Are you curious? My cat wants to know, too. What could it be?

Achilles: It's so expressive!

And what's this? Two more?

Achilles: I like the color scheme.

Achilles: That looks strangely familiar.

Achilles: Wait a minute...
What do you think?

Achilles: I think that's a handsome cat.

A Letter From AW

My Dearest Patwoman,

Today, as I was spring cleaning the Batcave, I came across some memorabilia I had packed away in my Bat Hope Chest--the tokens and trinkets of our various tete-a-tetes, if you will.

Imagine my bittersweet joy at finding again a small piece of almost petrified bread! Do you remember, my blue-eyed beauty? It was that first breakfast in Finland. I had so nearly captured you as you made your escape from the museum, but you were such a nimble minx that you escaped my Bat-Clutches time and time again! We spent the whole night in a heart-pounding, Bat and Pat chase, which ended at daybreak in that little cafe near the bay. Do you remember what you said to me, Darling Patwoman? You said, "Aren't you hot in that cape and cowl?"

Was I! I sat down at your table, forgetting all about the priceless museum items you, no doubt, had stashed just moments before, and watched you eat toast. And when you left, I snatched up the remaining crust and saved it as a treasure. Just knowing your lips had touched this dried bread was enough to send me into a toast-tasting frenzy. I knew then that I had to have you!

I have other mementos, to be sure, my darling. Photo booth hijinks, newspaper clippings of the unsolved museum heist, and a ticket stub from that performance art show we viewed. (I had no idea a donkey could be trained so thoroughly!) But my favorite souvenir of all is the one your sweet luscious lips lavered on.

Ah, Patwoman. Tell me you have fond memories of Helsinki, too. Tell me we will one day relive those adventures. Tell me, you delectable delinquent, that you feel as I do.

I am, forever yours,

AW

***

Dear Adam,

Of course I remember well those exciting nights in the north! Of course, the images and feelings are fixed in my mind like... fixed things.

How could I forget such costume capers? The rooftops in the moonlight? The Batarang? Of course I remember!

You, I, the patrons of that nightclub with the (unbeknownst to either of us) two-way mirror, and the entire Helsinki Police Department will always remember what the newspapers called The Helsinki Incident.

As a matter of fact, now that I am thinking about it directly...

Adam, call me.
Patwoman

Continuous Learning - Wire Knitting

This is not so much learning something new as it is practicing something I don't do very often. My forays into wire knitting in the past include this bracelet and this necklace.


But, when I saw this pattern on Ravelry, I really wanted to make it. It's so light and delicate-looking. The pattern shows two leaves as a pair of earrings, but since I work on the phone a large part of my day, I'm not too keen on wearing dangly earrings.


I used a really fine gold wire for this. Like 32. Knitted it in about 10 minutes. It probably would have gone even quicker, but I was having trouble seeing the fine wire in the crappy lighting of my living room.


See? Very lacey. Reminds me of something. I can't quite place it...

I added a dangly red bead for accent and oh, there is it. It reminds me of my rose bushes every summer.


Who knows what repels Japanese beetles?

UFO Friday

They're all UFOs. I just haven't been knitting. It's not that I don't want to. But there's always something else that comes up that demands my attention.

Like a cat.

As much as I have been suffering Empty Nest Syndrome, the cats and dog have been as bad. It's like they are afraid of everyone leaving them. They've become insecure, clingy things.

Seriously. Even as I write, there is a cat trying to sit on the keyboard. (So if I happen to say something cryptic like "iojmkll.kasdf;" you will know what that's all about.)

And I have tripped over Gengen so much, she probably thinks I've just changed her name to "Dammit."



But, how can I be mad at them? Half the humans in the family moving out in the same week was pretty traumatic for me, too.

Patwoman Goes Shopping

...and was very disappointed.

Seriously. I may not even go back to Michael's again. Take a look at their yarn department. I know, right? It's empty! Where's all the yarn? There was an endcap of kitchen cotton (Lilly or Sugar n Cream), an endcap of assorted Loops and Threads, a small 3 basket plastic rolly bin (like you might have in your kids toy room to hold Legos) about half full of sock yarn (mostly odds and ends, you would've been hard pressed to find 2 of the same dye lot) and a dump bin about half full of everything else.

This dump bin was a sad thing, too. All the yarn had just been, well, dumped in it. So some of it had broken or missing ball bands. Some of it was partially unwound. Most of it was unmatched. And none of it was really clearanced. I ended up getting this one skein of yarn, just because I liked the texture and I thought M might like the color. And it was only marked down 50¢ off the original price.

That's not a clearance sale, Michaels.

Oh, at the checkout, I asked the cashier, "Why are you getting rid of all the yarn?" She told me they are "revamping" their yarn department. Yeah, I guess they are. It's very open and airy now.

So I walked down the sidewalk to Hobby Lobby. It's next door. I didn't really find any yarn there that demanded to be bought, but at least they had yarn. I did, however, have a good time looking at stuff I don't normally look at.

Like this clay extruder set. That looks like it might be fun to do. (Now, don't take this the wrong way, if you do this craft. I certainly am not belittling it in any way. I truly mean, it looks like fun.) It reminds me of this thing:

And I always liked that.

Patwoman Saves The Environment

No, actually. But I am composting naturally now. Yeah. I bought a compost bin at Sam's last month. I'd been meaning to get one for a while now, but just didn't get around to it until there were all these "Earth Day Sales." So I got one on Earth Day weekend and looked like a giant poseur.

Or, poser, as we say in Indiana.

So here is my compost bin and, oh yeah, I remember I didn't show you this because of the @!$#%@*#! computer virus.

Anyway, I don't want to pat myself on the back too much. It was a pretty simple build and took me all of about 15 minutes (including time spent amusing cats with the bottom door feature) to put it together.



One thing that's really cool about this is that the whole thing is post-consumer recycled material, including the bolts and the tools. (Not those scissors. Those are mine. But look at that wrench!)

Is it strange that I'm showing this off? "Oh yes. I'm quite looking forward to using my own compost in next year's garden."

Hm. Maybe I am a poser.

Not Knitting

Thought I would try something different tonight. I've been seeing some really cool Scrabble tile jewelry lately and I thought, Hey!I've got some Scrabble tiles... And how cool would that be, since we own a game store?

First things first, though. Gather supplies.
And now you see why I can't seem to lose an ounce...

Here are some of the pictures I used. Our store logo, a game symbol, and...
Yes, that is Adam West. You knew there would be an Adam West pendant. Don't act so surprised.

These have to dry before I can finish. We'll come back to them.

What Is It?

What is this? Are you curious?

My--uh, okay. My cat is not curious. Nobody is curious about this.

But I wanted to dig this out and show it to you anyway. For multiple reasons. The first is that my mom made this for me about mumble mumble years ago, when I was about six or so.

It's a crocheted cape made from a bunch of granny squares and lined with yellow satin. I actually remember when she made this. It was just before Easter and I ended up wearing it for the first time with my Easter ensemble. (White gloves. I effin love white gloves to this day.)

She was a very fast crocheter and made this pretty quickly. Or at least, it seemed quick to me. She could have been working on it all night, as far as I know. My mom was one of those people that slept about 4 hours a night and had more energy than others who slept a full 8.

I have not inherited this trait.

This cape is wool and super warm, btw. (It's actually felted a little bit in places)
I kept this cape as I got older, thinking I would pass it down to my daughter, etc. I don't know. I'm not usually sentimental like that.

But, it must be sentimentality, because this cape has definitely seen some better days. I mentioned the felting. I guess I should mention this used to be cream and yellow. (Not the yellow and yellow-ish it is now.) Still, I like it. And I will be keeping it.

The second reason I wanted to show this to you was because, as I mentioned before the virus hit and I had to go offline, I am an empty nester now. And I've been thinking about my mom, trying to think whether she felt as depressed about it as I do.

No.The answer is no. I was the third child. I think her thoughts were more like. "Whew! One more to go!"

But I am a little depressed about it. And I really haven't knitted anything in a couple of weeks. So I didn't have anything new for "What Is It?" Day.

And, lastly, I am only back online today, and with a workaround solution, not a fix. So I'm not sure what I can actually do, blogwise.

Ah, the excitement of my everyday life...