If you're not knitting, the terrorists win

(My mostly on-topic ramblings about knitting. And life in general. My life in specific.)

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Location: Indiana, United States

I'm a middle aged mother of 2 grown children and wife to a man who doesn't seem to mind my almost heroin-like yarn addiction. I spend my time writing, knitting, and generally stressing out.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Some Randomness From The Mind Of Patwoman

Because I am feeling really random today.

I think I rather fried my brain during the week, and not in a good way. Blamey has been on vaction this week (in Cancun! Bitch.) So I have been by myself at work. Those of you who know me, know it's not good to leave Patwoman unattended.

So here is what I have been thinking (non-knitting content included):

  • I work in and economically depressed part of the city. So why is McD's Asian Chicken Salad $1 more than it is in the moderately affluent area where I live?
  • OMG! Nerdvanna is 2 weeks away and I haven't finished our costumes yet! I have basically made M's Medieval Maid costume and nothing else. Last night I finished knitting one of the two chainmail hoods that I am making - still needs to be painted - but I still need to knit one more hood and two chainmail shirts for my Knights, T and R. Oh, and did I mention? I need to make a Soothsayer costume for myself. Yikes! Nothing like waiting until the last minute.
  • @$#%^ Blogger. I just accidentally published before I was finished with my list. Now I'm in edit mode. How's that for random?
  • I am currently busy casting my next movie, which will begin principal shooting next month. (Keeping in mind, next month is days away.) I have some of the principals cast, but I am still short some pretty key roles. (Send me your headshots, people.)
  • The driver's side window on the Patmobile has grown surly. If I roll the window down at the drive-thru, it will only roll up a little at a time.
  • Why did I plant all that yellow squash in my garden? I had no idea there would be so much of it!
  • Still trying to persuade the powers-that-be to invite Adam West to GenCon. I have offered to be his personal assistant during that time. (Can you imagine that? Oh, Adam, think of it!)
  • Calla is finished. I just need to seam it up. (Okay, so that makes it not finished. So sue me.)
  • My crazy cat has been sleeping in a shoebox on the dining room table for the last few days.
  • Why does Joss Wheden love having a young girl as the badass in his movies/tv shows? What is the appeal? Why not big, handsome, shirtless men?
  • I really have to finish some of my UFOs.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

@$#%! Camera Phone!

Okay. So I got a cell phone. I don't use it when I'm driving, shut up.

Anyway, I got a cell phone because everyone else in my fam has one now, so I guess it works out pretty cheap for me to have one, too. And I am not against cell phones themselves. I have always maintained that, even in the pages of this blog.

I am against people who drive and talk on the cell phone. And I don't do that.

So I got this phone and, I must admit, it's pretty cool. (I will have to knit a little cozy for it, but that's another blog entry.) It has a camera and that's nice for me, because I always see the funniest things when I don't have a camera on me.

I went a little crazy with it, too. Snapping pix... Oooh, I'm putting this on my blog! But when I went to download the damned things, I realized I don't know how.

So I have been putting you kind people off while I try to figure out how to work this !@#$%^@@! thing. And now I have about 3 blog entries' worth of pix just languishing on my phone with no way of sharing them with you.

I guess I need to break down and call the Verizon guy. Sucktacular.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

It Was On Sale!!!

So now we see that Pat is as good at a yarn diet as she is at at food diet. But really, this was not entirely my fault. Here's what happened...

It rained here yesterday evening. Thunderstormed. I mean, it monsooned. Other parts of the city, I'm told, got very little rain. Here, it came down so hard the windshield wipers couldn't keep up. It was like being in the car wash. Rain came down sideways for over an hour. Trees snapped. The shutters were blown off my house.

And the power went off.

I really hate being in the dark, so we went to Meijer for a while, until the power was back on at our house. And, while I was there, I noticed that not only had they expanded their yarn section since I'd been there last, but they were apparently now downsizing the department and most of the yarn had been clearanced!

The effect was similar to what happens when I'm confronted with a DQ Brownie Earthquake.

I came home with 10 skeins of LB Homespun (Don't get all yarn snobby on me, now. I love this stuff. It's so soft!)2 skeins of TLC Wiggles (which is kinda cool looking. Don't know what I will do with it yet, tho.)and some random fluffiness that I just liked because I like novelty yarn.

Anyway, I deserve some new yarn because I have been so good this week, not running stupid drivers off the road. Oh, and believe me, it's been a challenge.

Today I had 2 thoughts:

1) If everyone had their cell phone number on the back of their car instead of a license plate, then I could just call that stupid Guardian Of The Speed in front of me. (You know who I'm talking about. They trap you between the construction zones and oncoming traffic and then go really slow because they want to save you from the sin of driving 55 mph)

"Hey! Why the @#$%#$ are we going 10 mph under the speed limit? Can you please pull the #@#@$! over so I drive like a person who's not afraid of traveling faster than 10 mph?"

2) I need a snow plow. Strapped to my front bumper. That would let her know I don't appreciate it when she "taps the brakes."


Sunday, July 16, 2006

Calla Update

Here's your Calla update:

I have not had much time to knit lately, as I am a little under the gun in pre-production for my new film. And trying to write. And working a full time job. And being Mom. But, even with all the real-life interruptions to my knitting, I am already well into the armholes of the back piece.

Yes, I know. The two pieces are identical, but I have already started calling this the back piece because of this small defect. I accidently left out a cable twist. On the bright side, I will be able to tell which side is which.

We went to see Pirates last weekend. It was fun. Of course, this one is definitely Johnny's movie. Orlando and Kiera are nothing but window dressing for this one. And, apparently, that's okay with moviegoers, because the thing is just killing at the box office.

But that made me think. I made that Johnny/Orlando Pillow for M this past Christmas.

It's based on Stitch 'n' Bitch's Poster Boy Bag. I've got to do another project like that... Maybe a Batman Poster Boy...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Vikings and UFOs

Last night I dreamed that I was a lovely Viking woman, sailing across the dark and frozen sea on a long, long, long boat. All of a sudden the water got really choppy and I was tossed all over the boat. But I wasn't afraid. I liked it. What do you suppose that means?

Oh come on. It's been a long time since I've posted any thinly veiled innuendo. I was starting to go through withdrawal.

But now that I'm looking at it... That Viking Woman costume has some possibilities...


In knitting news, I cast on for Calla last night. Now, I know what you're going to say. "Pat, don't you have enough UFOs?" or "Pat, who do you think you are, casting on for another project when poor Chaos is languishing in the UFO drawer?" or even "Pat, there's not enough room in the house for another UFO."

But, you see, I don't care that you're saying all that. I want to knit Calla. So there.

And, if it takes me too long to complete, I'll just add some seed stitch sleeves to it and viola! A pullover!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

The one who dies with the most knitting accessories wins

I found these at JoAnn and you know what I immediately thought of. No, not that. You dirty little scamps. (Although, now that you mention it...)

What I thought was, "Hm. I don't have a pair of Size 50 knitting needles... yet."

Never mind that I have never seen a pattern I really liked that used two telephone poles as knitting needles. Never mind that they are ungodly unwieldy to use. Never mind that you'd have to knit with 4-6 strands at once.

R took one look at them, then gave me that one-eyebrow-raised expression and said, "So what are you going to knit with those, Mom?" I think he meant it as a challenge.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Happy Anniversary

So, on a serious note. (Yeah, I can do serious. Just not for long stretches of time.)

Today our 22nd anniversary. (T & I. Not you and me.) That's pretty cool, isn't it?

He's pretty cool.

How many other guys would read all my posts about AW and laugh? (Though, I must say, he does not laugh when I mention Beastmaster. Ha!)

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

@$!%%@#*!!!! It!

Finished Object?

Sure, it looks finished. Knitted to guage, with the proper dimensions... just like in the pattern. It's soft. It's light. I did a superb job with the matress stitch on the seams, if I do say so myself. It just doesn't fit right.

It's baggy. Saggy, even. And that really cheeses me off. I even dropped down a size smaller so I could have that form-fitting style, like in the picture. And I kept a tape measure handy so I could measure as I went and make sure I was knitting it correctly. (I was.)

But it... I don't know. Did you ever knit something in cotton and then when you wear it, it just keeps stretching and bagging and OMG I look like I'm wearing clothes from the "before bariatric surgery" ads?

(Don't get offended. I'm not downing the surgery. I'm simply referring to the way those ads always show a woman wearing a pair of jeans from before the surgery. She's usually holding the waistband way out so you can see she's lost a hundred pounds.)

Well that's what this is doing. Except it does it from the time you put it on.

!#$@!$!! I had such plans for this, too. Look at the colors. Look at the lovely stitches.

I don't know what to do about this. I guess I'm going to block the hell out of it.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Tales From Patwoman's Mailbag, Part 2

July 4th. American Independence Day. How fitting that I take this opportunity to express my First Ammendment Rights. No, I'm not petitioning the government for a redress of grievances. I meant, the whole free speech thing... as it pertains to talking about whatever I want to talk about today.

What? It doesn't mean that?

Whatever. Today, I present the second installment of Pat's Mailbag. As always, no wagering, please.

Dear Pat,
It seems like you've been knitting a lot lately. What's up? Did you lose your job or something?

Dear Reader,
No. They haven't caught on to me yet I'm still working. And I'm actually knitting about the same. I'm just finishing more. Actually, if truth be told, I'm frogging about the same, too. Boo!

Dear Pat,
We haven't heard you talk about a**holes who drive with the cell phone glued to their ears and the accidents they cause and almost cause lately. Have you been on the road lately? Are you sure you didn't lose your job?

Dear Reader,
No, I had machine guns installed under the Patmobile's front bumper.

Dear Pat,
What's up with the Chaos Sweater? You haven't talked about it in a while.

Dear Reader,
No, I haven't. Have I?

Dear Pat,
What's the last good movie you saw?

Dear Reader,
I've seen a couple of good ones lately. I just saw The Machinist, with Christian Bale, on cable. He looked so good in Batman Begins, but he'd lost 63 pounds to do this movie. Ew. Still, fine acting. Saw X3 in the theatre. You know I loves me some Hugh Jackman. (I've actually got a little Patrick Stewart thing, too. But Wolverine... Grrr, baby!) I watched a horrible movie on cable last night. What The Bleep Do We Know? It had some potential, combining physics and philosophy, but it didn't pan out. After a while I wondered if I were watching some Scientology training film. Also, there was a shocking absence of good-looking, shirtless men in this flick.

Dear Patwoman,
What about Isabeau? Are you ever going to finish Isabeau?

Dear Reader,
Yes, as a matter of fact. I have the lining now and I hope to finish it today, on my holiday. I also should have the Slip Stitch Ribbon Top done, too. So, it should be a good blog day tomorrow. Be sure to come back.

Dear Patwoman,
I notice lately you've been talking less about Batman and more about others, like Beastmaster. I worry that Adam West will be hurt when he sees how infrequently you talk about him these days. Have you lost your feelings for AW? Have your Batman fantasies grown cold? Because the Batster is still hot for you, Babe. He still remembers all those wild nights at the What A Way To Go-Go, doing the Batusi with you. Those are memories that, I promise you, AW holds to his heart tighter than the Batcuffs ever held Joker. You know what I'm saying, Patwoman? It's not fair for you to keep talking about Beastmaster or Kevin Sorbo or Hugh Jackman or Gerard Butler or grrrrr Christian Bale! (And, by the way, that movie painted way too dark a picture of Batman/Bruce Wayne. I mean, yeah, it's lonely having a secret identity and responsibilities and all. And yes, there is some measure of revenge involved. But Katie Holmes? That is just way too depressing to think about!) Where was I? Oh, yes. So anyway, Patwoman, I urge you to think about all you've had with AW. Think about all the Bat-good times and all the sweet Bat-sentiments we've shared. Think about what's in the Bat Utility Belt. Remember? Do you want to give all that up?

Dear Adam,
I thought we were on a break?

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